KENERGY: The calm, cool, collected masculine confidence.
Balance in the divine masculine that embraces the boy, the daddy, and the sage.
Accepting others for who and how they are by not placing your expectations on them or writing their stories for them.
Listening to others and taking action. But recognizing what you’re good at and celebrating and sharing it, but more importantly recognizing what OTHERS are better at letting them do what they do best, celebrating them along the way.
Listening to and making our Barbie’s plans come to life by working together, keeping Barbie Land alive & thriving.
Being assertive and actually listening, not forcing your view and expectations but seeing and hearing others possibilities, and building up together.
Decentering yourself and following Barbie’s lead realizing that what’s good for we is good for me.
*If you’ve seen Barbie you understand what toxic KENERGY is, especially as guys are isolated like so many guys are today.
If a Ken is the ideal guy, a Chad, a Masc/Musc dude, most guys have a love/hate envy of the Kens. Most of us guys are Alans, the othered guys, the nerds, the soft guys, the f*gs, who are made to feel less than for not being the patriarchal stereotype. First and foremost, there is nothing wrong, bad, or less than about being an Alan. We all have an Alan and Ken side to us (and Barbie side too!) that we can use to genuinely connect with others. The patriarchal systems at play, however, have pitted guys against each other and even worse, against women and femininity, shoveling responsibilities onto us that we don’t actually want in a patriarchal world we didn’t consent to taking part in.
I know firsthand just how beautiful the world is when women lead and men follow - thank you to the matriarchs of my family, the matriarchs of my professional life (@SamJung @robyngreen at @StGermainDrinks, @drinksat6 & @IvyMix at @Speed_Rack and now happily in an entirely women led company at @ArcherRooseWines - I’m 1/2 guys!). The common thread I experienced was the practice of “what’s good for everyone is good for me,” which is why we all flourished.
My personal Barbie Land is in NYC, and specifically the LGBTQ community. It’s a magnificent prism of beauty, love, strength and power, the flowing spirit between the femme, masc and queer energies.
But to my fellow gay and queer men - we’ve been creating safe spaces for ourselves but by doing so leaving the Barbies and Dolls behind - it’s time to tap into our KENERGY to support the lesbians (masters of KENERGY), the femmes, and the real dolls - our trans siblings- so they can lead the charge within the LGBTQ community. We can all work together to make their magic happen. Let’s practice shine theory to shine our light on what they’re saying and doing. Let’s use our funds not just for put our funds and time towards the mutual aid networks and community-based organizations, not just nightlife and parties, strengthening our rainbow connections. Our Barbie Land is better when we center the folks who truly understand community and have the best abilities and ideas to lead, and we can all have fun while we do it.
What we can especially do is support the straight men in our lives, our fellow Kens. There are so many guys who are doing things right and need that love and affirmation from other guys. Check in on the new fathers to make sure they’re ok too! Send your dad flowers. Tell your brothers you love them. Share love with your guys too.
Similarly, it’s time to call in the Kens who lost their way from the joy and wonder of Barbie Land and whose heads are being filled with evil from Fox News and the likes of Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk. People are products of their surroundings, so we can be the voice of reason for them.
They want to be loved, paid attention to and understood about the pain and loneliness they’re dealing with, but unfortunately society doesn’t set men up for success with processing emotions, communication, and pain. Why do you think mansplaining is such a thing - guys are really only taught how to share facts and knowledge. I’m dealing with all of this personally with the biggest Ken in my life, the man who took me to get Barbies during every visit, my own dad.
The best part is we no longer need to be afraid of the other guys in our lives. We aren’t in high school anymore and guys actually like us and want in on our fun too. We just have to meet them at their level, dropping the “already annoyed” reactions to their presence and relate to guys as guys, people as people. The sassy mean girl attitudes we mimic with our girlfriends don’t connect well with dudes. We’re great at being sassy sisters, but how good can we bond with our brothers?
Decentering ourselves and our previous anxieties will create a genuine connection. We THRIVE with our girlies’s boyfriends and husbands. We vibe with our male colleagues. We share workout tips with the gym bros who admire our physiques. We especially do it with each other at the late night pool parties in Fire Island.
Guys across the spectrum want buddies, but patriarchy isolates us and pits us against each other, making us feel like we are responsible to do EVERYTHING by ourselves. This prevents us from showing love, care and support for each other because we’re trying to be “better than” everyone else. Let’s be buddies and build each other up because standing by in the shadows has led us to the violent, patriarchal, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic world we live in now. Do we really want this? Is our patriarichal power worth this? Our KENERGY will change that.
Bring that man-bonding, the teamwork, the healthy masculinity, the KENERGY and lead by example connecting with other guys to help make Barbie Land a reality, Barbies, Ken’s, and everyone in between #Kenergy
Side note: I am not saying not to be yourself, if you’re Alan, be Alan! We love Alan - but just know you are enough and can tap into whichever energies, whichever sides of yourself to authentically interact with others. Be the Ken/Alan/Barbie/Midge/Weird Barbie that you needed as a kid and share that magic with others. We’re experiencing a paradigm shift, and if we keep sitting back in the shadows letting toxic masculinity run rampant, the patriarchs will do everything they can to maintain power and control of society. If we don’t do it with those closest to us, then who will? If not now, when? We gotta be active participants in our experience and make the world into what we know it can be.
Ps guys: the movie was PERFECT. Gay/straight and everything in between - we gotta recognize that we are not centered in the movie and that’s the point. Actually pay attention to the messages in the movie about how much more fun Barbie Land is when the Barbie’s lead and we all work together to bring that reality to life. Understand the effects of patriarchy on Barbie Land, the Ken’s, and on Alan. Decenter yourself and your opinion and listen to what women are saying about the movie and furthermore life. Once you’ve actually listened, asked clarifying questions and actually understand her POV, then engage on your thoughts. Because they likely have shifted once you’ve listened. And that’s the goal.
