This Is LostRocker.

As the little mushroom walked through the woods, hundreds of forest anemones could be seen growing around the trees.

There’s the literal definition to consider, of course - spanking = striking a child with the intent to cause fear and/or pain. And that’s…. hitting….

But here’s the important part: If a child is old enough to understand the distinction between “spanking as a deserved punishment” and “unacceptable physical assault,” they’re old enough to respond to other methods of discipline, so you’re hitting them because you want to hit them. If they’re not old enough to understand that distinction, there’s no point in spanking them and you’re just hitting them because you want to hit them.

Kids aren’t great at understanding cause and effect, especially if it’s displaced over time. A child literally does not consciously understand that cause and effect is even a thing until they’re around 18 months old. Once they develop it, it’s still a pretty limited/immediate understanding until they’re much older. For example, they can understand that if they spit food out, the food isn’t in their mouth anymore, or that if they make grabby hands towards something, somebody will give it to them. But they don’t understand that, say, taking off their clothes will make them uncomfortably cold.

This is because children aren’t really capable of future planning until they’re older. A 2 year old might be able to plan his actions out a few steps in advance (eg, if I climb onto the chair, I can reach my sippy cup that’s on the table and then climb back down), but that’s about it. Kids can conceive of the idea of the future in a more distant sense once they’re about 3 (eg, “when I grow up” and “can I go to grandma’s house tomorrow?”), but the ability to consciously take or not take actions to affect future outcomes doesn’t really develop until they’re about 4 or 5. For example: A child’s ability to delay a small treat now in exchange for a larger treat later improves significantly between the ages of 3 and 5. And delayed gratification tests are testing a good thing vs. a better thing. A good thing vs. the absence of a bad thing later is very different. The first is more concrete and material - do I want one sticker now or two stickers later? The second is more abstract, and plenty of adults struggle with that kind of reasoning. (For example - do I want to go to a party now, or do I want to not have COVID later?)

And then there’s the issue of moral development. Kids don’t even start to understand the idea of “acceptable/unacceptable” behavior in any real sense until they’re about 18 months old. They don’t develop emotions like shame and guilt (which suggest an ability to reflect on their own behavior) until they’re about 3. And most kids don’t internalize any real kind of moral code until they’re about 4 or 5.  

So, at what age should a child be considered old enough to understand the purpose of a spanking and distinguish it from unacceptable physical assault? It depends on the kid, of course, but I’d say no younger than about 4. 

And guess what? All those things that make them able to understand the purpose of a spanking also make them able to understand things like time-out and losing privileges. You can explain things to a 4 year old. They have the ability to engage in logical and moral reasoning. Which means you have options for punishment beyond hitting them. Which means, if you choose to hit them, it’s about you, not the child. You’re either too lazy to discuss a child’s behavior with them, too lazy to enforce other kinds of consequences/use a continuum of consequences, or you’re spanking them for your own emotional catharsis - spanking out of anger, frustration, and vengeance, which changes the spanking from “punishment” to “abuse.” 

And all of this is kind of a moot point because spanking doesn’t even work. It really, actually doesn’t work. It does nothing to cause long-term changes in behavior. This research has been done over, and over, and over again. Spanking can cause immediate changes in behavior, but does nothing to cause long-term changes in behavior, promote moral and ethical development, or improve self-regulation skills. It actually has the opposite effect on self-regulation skills! Children who were spanked are also usually more aggressive, more defiant, commit more anti-social behaviors, and are more likely to develop mental health problems in adulthood. And I promise, whatever “gotcha” you think you have about these results has already been accounted for in the literature (eg, “but what if aggressive, defiant, anti-social kids just get spanked more!”).

Tl;Dr - Spanking is exactly the same thing as hitting your children, because it is completely ineffective as a disciplinary technique. And when it’s not a disciplinary technique, it’s just hitting. 

and they even had a book written about them:

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

well i added my contribution : )

This abomination is going to Superhell for meme crimes.

How to make a green pumpkin 紫砂壶 zishahu (Chinese boccaro teapot/ Yixing clay teapot)

How often has your D&D group needed to fight the same group of humanoids in every room? 2d4 hobgoblins in every room of a hobgoblin fortress? 2d4 kuo-toa in every room of the kuo-toa temple? 2d4 bandits in every room of the bandit hideout? Sure, some of these humanoids have “suped-up” versions like hobgoblin captains, kuo-toa whips, and bandit captains, but eventually things will get boring with the same enemies every time and those boss monsters are usually reserved for the boss fight! 

Encounter Twists (1d20)

Here are some ways to make an average group-encounter a bit different. Roll 1d20 to choose randomly or pick from the list below. These tend to be keyed towards an assumption that the enemies are humanoid, but that might not be the case.

(1) Varied Weapons. One of the enemies has a different weapon. For example, if all the thugs have maces, maybe one has a glaive or greatsword. Meanwhile, another uses two daggers instead.

(2) Varied Armor. One of the enemies has different armor than the standard. If the hobgoblins wear chain mail, perhaps one is wearing plate. Maybe one didn’t have time to put on armor and only wields a shield.

(3) Minor Spellcasting. Somehow, one of the enemies has come across the ability to use magic, whether divine or arcane. The creature gains the Magic Initiate feat, thereby gaining a cantrip and 1st-level spell.

(4) Healing Potion. One of the enemies is packing a useful healing potion, usually one appropriate for the players to find at their level in case it falls into their hands. If the creature sees an ally go down, they can give out their potion or use it on themselves.

(5) Other Potion. One of the enemies drinks a potion as the battle starts. Choose randomly from the following (d8): (1) Potion of Giant Strength, (2) Potion of Fire Breath, (3) Potion of Flying, (4) Potion of Growth, (5) Potion of Heroism, (6) Potion of Invisibility, (7) Potion of Invulnerability, or (8) Potion of Speed.

(6) Other Consumable Item. One of the enemies carries a consumable magic item, used when the time is right. The players might be able to snag one if it has multiple uses. Choose randomly from the following (d6): (1) 1d4 beans from a Bag of Beans, (2) 1d4 beads from a Necklace of Fireballs, (3) a vial of Oil of Sharpness, (4) a Gem of Brightness with 1d4+5 charges remaining, (5) a Deck of Illusions with only 1d4+1 cards remaining, or (6) a vial of Oil of Slipperiness.

(7) Class Feature. One of the enemies has experience in a player class, gaining one of the following features chosen at random (d12). Each functions pretty much like the class feature of the same name. These are meant to just give the impression of a class through one, usually simplified feature, rather than all of a class’s unique features.

Bard: Bardic Inspiration: Use a d6.

Barbarian: Rage: Bonus damage at +2.

Cleric: Spellcasting: Knows the Guidance and Sacred Flame cantrips. Can cast 3 spell-levels-worth of spells: either Cure Wounds (1st), Guiding Bolt (1st), Spiritual Weapon (2nd), or Spirit Guardians (3rd). Use their Wisdom modifier for their spellcasting statistics (minimum 13).

Druid: Wild Shape: Choose an animal appropriate to the setting and have it be up to CR 2.

Fighter: Maneuvers: Give them 4 d8s and just choose 1 maneuver for simplicity’s sake.

Monk: Ki: Give them 3 Ki Points and let them gain two unarmed strikes (d4) as a bonus action, or else dodge, disengage, or dash as a bonus action by spending a ki point.

Paladin: Divine Smite and Lay on Hands: Give them 2 1st-level spell slots with which to smite. Also give them 10 points of Lay on Hands.

Ranger: Spellcasting and Fighting Style: They can cast Hunter’s Mark twice per day and gain the Archery or Two-Weapon Fighting styles.

Rogue: Sneak Attack and Cunning Action: Use 2d6 for the Sneak Attack damage.

Sorcerer: Spellcasting and Metamagic: Give them 3 1st-level spell slots, a cantrip, and a 1st-level spell eligible for the Twinned Spell Metamagic feature. They can use Twinned Spell on one of their spells up to 3 times.

Warlock: Eldritch Blast and Pact Magic: Give them the Eldritch Blast cantrip, then 1 3rd-level spell slot (assume a second slot was used already). Then give them the spells Hex, Witch Bolt, or Hunger of Hadar.  Use their Charisma modifier for their spellcasting statistics (minimum 13).

Wizard: Spellcasting: Knows the Minor Illusion cantrip and one damaging cantrip. Can cast 4 spell-levels-worth of spells: either Fog Cloud (1st), Magic Missile (1st), Flaming Sphere (2nd), Web (2nd), Fireball (3rd), or Lightning Bolt (3rd). Use their Intelligence modifier for their spellcasting statistics (minimum 13).

(8) Mount. One of the enemies has an appropriate mount, offering them greater mobility and the offensive/defensive features of an additional enemy, if it has attacks.

(9) Pet. The creatures have a pet, captured creature, or summoned magical servant of an appropriate challenge rating. This could be a beast, a monster, an undead (if a necromancer is present), an elemental (if a wizard or druid is present), a fiend (if a warlock or cleric is present), or a fey (if a druid is present).

(10) Brute Creature. One of the enemies has the maximum amount of hit points based on their hit point calculation. The creature rolls twice for damage, taking the better of the two rolls.

(11) Meek Creature. One of the enemies has half the normal amount of hit points based on their hit point calculation. The creature rolls twice for damage, taking the worse of the two rolls.

(12) Unique Species/Race. One of the enemies is of a different species. For instance, a group of Bandits might have a Dwarf or Bugbear in their ranks. You can grant an NPC creature some traits of the new species/race (like Dwarven Resilience), or you can just use statistics of a different monster (like the Bugbear).

(13) Infiltrator. One of the enemies is secretly a monster in disguise. Ones that fit the bill might include: a Doppelganger, an Intellect Devourer, a Succubus/Incubus, a Lycanthrope, a Yuan-Ti Pureblood, a Yochlol (if among drow), a Barghest (if among goblins), an Oni, a Hag, a Slaad, a Rakshasa, or a Couatl. For more powerful characters, you could use an ancient metallic dragon or a Deva.

(14) Sickness. One of the enemies is suffering from a random disease. Creatures that come within 5 feet of them have a chance of contracting the disease. The creature should be displaying symptoms in order for the players to effectively make decisions about this in combat. In theory, though, other enemies might be asymptomatic, so smart players should maintain distance with all the enemies.

(15) Unusual Surprise. If the players took precautions and surprised the enemies, half of them were unusually alert and are not surprised. If the enemies were not initially surprised, half of them were far from prepared and are instead surprised even if the players took no precautions. Perhaps they were daydreaming, sleeping, getting armor on, or tripped.

(16) Feat. One of the enemies has a random feat chosen from the following (d20, reroll on 16+). Some may require them to change their weapons or armor, and are marked with an asterisk: (1) Alert, (2) Athlete, (3) Charger, (4) Crossbow Expert*, (5) Defensive Duelist*, (6) Dual Wielder*, (7) Great Weapon Master*, (8)   Heavy Armor Master*, (9) Mobile, (10) Mage Slayer, (11) Polearm Master*, (12) Sentinel, (13) Sharpshooter*, (14) Shield Master*, or (15) Tavern Brawler.

(17) Unusual Talent. One of the enemies has an exceptional statistic, different from others of its kind. Choose one of the creature’s abilities that is on the low end and make it comparable or better than their strongest ability. For instance, if such creatures normally have high Strength, give this one high Dexterity. If they are typically low in Intelligence, give them a high Intelligence and let them use smarter tactics. Give them unique weapons or spells if appropriate.

(18) Damage Rider. One of the enemies deals additional damage of a random type using one of their weapons. This may come from a magic oil or poison applied to their weapon, or perhaps their own arcane or divine magic. Don’t use a magic weapon as players will be able to use it once the battle is over (unless you planned to give such an item as treasure in the first place). Their weapon deals a bonus 1d6 damage of a type chosen at random from the following: (1) acid, (2) cold, (3) fire, (4) lightning, (5) necrotic, (6) poison, (7) psychic, or (8) radiant.

(19) Siege Weapon. One of the enemies is manning a siege weapon of your choice against the players. A ballista is usually a good option, since you usually don’t want a cannon in your players’ hands and a catapult is better for non-moving targets. You could also create a magical siege weapon, like a turret that casts Burning Hands, Scorching Ray, Ice Knife, Acid Arrow, or Lightning Bolt.

(20) Elemental Shield. One of the enemies has immunity to one damage type and resistance to all other damage until they are dealt damage of an opposed damage type, which destroys this magical shield. Pair the damage types like this: cold and fire, radiant and necrotic, acid and lightning (think of it like earth vs. air). Alternatively, one of the creatures is naturally blessed with immunity to one damage type. Give the creature some sort of visual cue for this to clue the players in.

Characteristic Twists

Another way to vary humanoid creatures is by giving them interesting personality traits or interesting physical features. Roll or choose from the Appearance Twists table to make one of the humanoids look more distinct. Roll or choose from the Personality Twists table to make one of the humanoids act differently or more interesting, sometimes in a way the players can exploit in combat.

Appearance Twists (d20)

Creature has…

Outlandish hairdo

Interesting headgear/hat

Worn trophies collected from enemies

Personalized armor or clothes

Prominent visible tattoos or war paint

Prominent visible scar

A cape or other dramatic attire

Prominent facial jewelry (or facial hair if they have it)

Weapon made from unique material or uniquely decorated

A meaningful symbol prominently displayed

Unusual physical features for their species

Eyewear (glasses, goggles, mask, or eyepatch)

Prominent visible birthmark

Unusual attire for class/profession

Missing or prosthetic limb

Trinket (roll on existing table) worn and visible

Worn piece of valuable treasure

Worn a memento from a lover

Worn animal hide

Appearance altered magically or through a curse

Personality Twists (d20)

Creature is…

Suffering from a form of Long-Term Madness (roll on existing table)

Overly confident, willingly enters dangerous combat situations

Overly cautious, always readies their action into a reaction

Intimidating, can frighten a target as a bonus action with a successful Charisma contest

Sadistic, aiming for weak targets

Defiant, challenges the strongest foes first

Overly dramatic, draws a lot of attention

Automysophobic, can’t stand getting dirty

Irrationally terrified of something in the players’ arsenal (magic, animals, fire, etc)

Biased against one of the players’ species and focuses on them

Angered or terrified by mages, attacks them first

Flirtacious with one of the players, is effectively charmed by the player

Witty, taunts foes with banter

Indecisive to the point where they sometimes only take the Dodge action

Loyal to their leader to the death

Edgy and mysterious

Best friends with one of their allies, always tries to Help them in combat

Cowardly, becomes frightened and attempts to Disengage or Hide if damaged

Honorable, refuses to fight with an unfair advantage