Dancing in the Dark

“Are you sure? You’ll be missing out on some very riveting ‘woe is me’ stories,” He teased, wrapping his arms around her waist almost instinctively as she fell into his lap. “We both know you’re too smart for that, Baker. And who needs some Cult run Homeland when I can take you to any dimension you want in a blink of an eye.”

“Woe is me stories, maybe even some crying. I’m never sure what to do when people are crying. Now I’m curious. How do you handle tears? Do you empathize with them? Do you just let them cry through the session?” She wondered how he could honestly sit through listening to so much without going insane himself. “I didn’t buy the togetherness bullshit they were trying to sell. It was a bunch of pretty words. But I like action over words anyday. And they weren’t really doing anything. Besides, no homeland they could show me would compare to any dimension or anything really that my very sexy boyfriend can show me.” Roni leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. She’d never get used to that word. It made her happy to say it. 

“I mean that’s true. I have been on quite a few covers. You mean smizing? Oh! I had smizing down long before I was famous. Thank you ANTM,” Dani said, smirking at the thought. A laugh escaping her lips as T said no. “I mean I’m not going to say no to taking in your little cutie here. That is unless it comes with Carter attached. Because in that case, I’d have to pass. No offense. Your homeboy is fun and all, but I don’t need a squatter.” 

“I was never into that. I was more so just into using my body to tell stories, but you know moving not posing. I also never watched that show.” She shook her head, still. grinning at her daughter. “She’s definitely got her mother’s bluntness. I’m pretty sure he goes where T goes, so he might come with her as a package deal, and I don’t want him without T so...we’re in a situation here. I mean he’s a free babysitter,” she said still laughing at the thought. “Tommy, sweetie, do that cute puppy dog face I taught you and say please take me home with you TiTi.” Her daughter looked over at Dani she frowned trying to remember what Roni said. “Pwease, TiTi?” Roni burst into laughter, wrapping her up in her arms smothering her in kisses. “Close enough. Mommy loves you and I’d miss you too much. But maybe we can have a playdate with Ben and Gabby one day? We didn’t work this out right my kid and your kids are not adequate ages for playdates. Gabby’s too old to want to play with a three year old. And Ben is too young.” 

“Good, good.” Iz murmured with a nod, glad to hear that T would be taken care of tonight. “Four,” He concluded. “Cy’s gonna spook when he sees us anyways. Let’s give him hell out the gate. He’s at Halo. Probably getting drunk and trying to be face deep in something right now.” The strip joint was Cyrus’ favorite place. “We’ll catch him staggering on the way home. It’s a long way from there to his place. Accidents happen. A missing person turns into a cold case all the time.”   

“Okay, I feel like his ass is always at Halo. He doesn’t really have much family. None that would miss him right away. And last I talked to him, none that would really take much action. We were his only friends. Maybe the folks at Halo would miss him, but I highly doubt it. He’s an ass. We’ve got to be careful though, we need to make sure he’s on the stretch of road with less traffic, and I don’t want to lose control and eat him. I don’t want any part of him inside me. So...please don’t let me get carried away.” 

“I’m not afraid of you kicking my ass. I’m a big boy. I’ll be alright.” Dominic shared with a shrug. “I’ve never stood for people shit talking my best friend before. And that’s not changing, even if it’s you that’s doing it. So, put some respect on your name when you’re talking to me ‘bout you.” He reiterated. Dominic nodded, a disappointed expression marring his features. Still, Roni was right and he knew it. Just… being a trained killer, for self defense and the protection of others, was one thing. It was another issue entirely when Dominic processed that he’d gone through with it. 

At Roni trying to not pimp out Hale’s therapy services, he huffed in quiet amusement. “Yeah, Keanu told me to talk to him too.” He confessed. “I’ve never really talked to him, you know what I mean? Way before you too got together for real.” Dominic nodded though. “But I trust you. And Keanu’s given me no reason to not trust him either.” Plus, the whole he may have fucked Dominic’s mom aside, Keanu was good people. “I don’t think I compartmentalize correctly, you know? When shit gets too tough, I jet. I did it with my parents after they iced me out. Then you when I found out I wasn’t fully human. It’s a reason why your boy has a passport and isn’t afraid to use it at all.” He paused, thinking. “Does T help? With trying to have a positive way to deal? And wait, you mean you and your therapy boyfriend extraordinaire don’t talk about shit like that?”

Roni rolled her eyes. “Eh. No. I can’t do that so it looks like you’re going to have to fight me one of these days,” he said jokingly. “I mean it’s what he does. Listen to people’s problems, help them through them. But if I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t even recommend it. But I do.” Roni shook her head. “I don’t think there’s one right way to compartmentalize. I think that compartmentalizing in general is probably wrong. And I’ve also told you you can’t leave me. So you better give me a heads up so I can grab the baby and follow you.” Roni smiled, thinking about T. “She helps a lot. If I’m crying, or sad, she comes up with hugs and kisses asking why I’m sad. Or she brings me all of her toys in hopes that it makes me happy again. And she just smiles or laughs really does anything it makes me remember to come out of the darkness because she’s my light.” Roni frowned. “Not in a therapy capacity no. He knows the bad shit I’ve done or is okay when I show up at his house distraught and in tears. He always knows just what to say. But I don’t really dwell on it or talk to him about it always. I don’t want him to think that I’m with him for the free therapy and the sex.”

“You know I’m not a model, right? I mean I’m barely 5′3. But, hope you have a hot model to pose with or run your hands through your hair or play with your jewelry? Or even ask the director. They have a vision, so instead of guessing, they’ll probably have a whole lot of a better idea than you about what they’re looking for?” Dani said with a shrug. The corner of her lips tilting up as she smiled over at Roni. “Just breath. You’re going to do great. Just don’t think of it as something models do and pretend you’re posing and dancing around your bedroom with T.”

“You’re not but you’re Dani Montez actress that I know has been on the cover of magazines. You’ve probably got that whole, smiling with your eyes thing down with little to no effort.” She felt like she was going to be in over her head. She bent down and picked up her daughter. “What do you think, T? You think mommy can do it?” The little girl looked at her and said ‘no’. Roni burst into laughter. “Well...so much for your vote of confidence. Aunt Dani would you like another member of the Riley family?” 

“Duh. What are friends for?” Sabrina grinned. “I get it. That’s like me and Rick to a T. To me, my boyfriend is an overly affectionate goofball ray of sunshine. Now anyways. When we first met, he was brooding and stand off-ish which was probably part of what attracted me to him to begin with,” She admitted, smiling at the thought. “And I mean I wouldn’t give him too much credit. It’s not like he could actually see you like that, but I get what you mean. When a guy is still into you after he watched your leg get brutally torn off, you know he’s the one.”

“To be honest, I’d laugh at your pain too so you’re damn right about that.” Roni chuckled. “See that’s the thing I was attracted to him when he was broody and mysterious. Now he’s less mysterious and there’s something about that man being the epitome of comfortable and relaxed and with his dogs and family that I find even more attractive.” Roni laughed. “But he felt the hair though. Honestly, I come with more baggage than it’s probably acceptable to have. I live with my daughter’s father. I have a three year old. I’m a werewolf. I’ve done horrible things. My parents used to chain me up. I’ve got daddy issues. And yet he still wants to be with me.” 

Wordlessly, Dom just squeezed Roni again. Until this exact moment, he realized that his own mortality wasn’t something that Dominic thought about often. It didn’t help that being half faerie afforded him the ability to have a lifespan of almost 500 years. Which was still recent news to Dominic. In the grand scheme that was his existence, so far. Dark brown eyes rolled his eyes at Roni’s quip. “I know who I’m talking to. And who I’m talking about. I’ve never allowed people shit talking you before. Won’t do it now, just ‘cause it’s you talking about you.” Dominic sighed, mouth balling in discomfort at that fact. Still, he knew that Roni was right. “It was self defense. But I- I could’ve tried other ways. I should’ve tried… I didn’t have to kill ‘em, Roni. I shouldn’t have had to…”

An unease came over Dominic as he remembered how easily his reaction leaned towards fight. For all his boasts of being an Airforce brat, he never enrolled into the academy because Dominic didn’t want his father’s life. He respected it. He liked the opportunities it provided. But if he didn’t have to, Dominic wasn’t a fan of fighting. He just wanted to live and let live as peacefully as possible. “My dad, he trained me for this. But we never went over this. How to deal if I had to take a life.” He lowered his gaze. “I’ve tried. Not thinking about them. But I… Do you dream about them sometimes? Do you see any of their faces?”

“Well, you’re not going to fight me about it and if you did, you’d lose so I will keep talking shit about me for as long as I want,” she vowed, knowing she was right about that. “No,” she said, her tone was sharp, sharper than she intended for it to be. It was like that when she was in enforcer mode, making the hard calls. “There is no other way when lives are at stake, more lives than just the one you were trying to save. They were on the opposite side, they were planning to kill without question, for them there was no reasoning and there was no other way. You let them live they live to kill another day. And you’re right, you shouldn’t have had to do it, but they made that choice when they decided to devalue supernaturals.” 

Roni heaved a sigh. She knew it was hard to take a life. She’d been taking them accidentally and intentionally over the years and it was easier not to think about it than to deal with it. “Sometimes, yes. Sometimes they’re in my dreams but no I don’t see their faces because the accidental ones have been mauled beyond recognition. And the intentional ones I reason with myself, forgive myself because it had to be done,” she explained. It was the accidental lives that shook her. “I’m not trying to pimp out my boyfriend’s services or even hoping for a bromance but maybe you should talk to Hale? Even though my best friend getting along with my guy would be kind of awesome but if not Hale, someone that’s going to help you through this. I’m...I’m fucked up. I compartmentalize it. I know it’s not healthy and when it’s accidental I don’t deal well before I compartmentalize that. I wish I had some positive way to deal or to get over it, but I just...suffer through until it’s background noise in my mind.”

Iz sighed heavily. “I can’t save the pack when that leaves the rest of… of the city or whoever to deal with him.” He leaned forward in his seat, elbows resting on the table as held his jaw in the palm of his hand. Moments later, he brushed his palm against the area. “No.” A noticeable habit of Isaiah’s when he was in deep thought. “Cyrus is our problem.” He nodded, listening to Roni as she spoke, listing off sound reasons for the idea that they wordlessly shared. Veronica Baker was a great enforcer. Iz knew that he could trust her with many things. His life being one of them. As she did him with hers. Iz also knew that Roni always had the pack’s best interest at heart. He couldn’t have chosen a better werewolf to be his right-hand.

“I don’t like taking back chances.” Shit, Iz didn’t like failing. He also didn’t like giving up on others. And that’s what this felt like - like he was giving up - despite knowing that he had not. “He has to go.” Iz agreed. Cyrus was disobedient, wild and disrespectful. Resisting emphatic commands was one thing but the glimmer of ambitious thoughts he’d see when they shared a pack mind… “Tonight.” Iz resolved, eyes up and meeting Roni’s across from him. “You have someone to watch T?”

Veronica knew this decision didn’t come lightly. She knew that her Pack Master wouldn’t make the decision to do something with such a note a finality without thinking it through first. She respected his decisions and she knew that hers were always rash. She always thought of the pack first, but she was less forgiving and more willing to make the hard calls without the softer blows. When he finally spoke, confirming what she was saying, she nodded. “Then tonight we end this. T’s dad is home. He’s got her. So are we doing this on two legs or four?” There was a dark place Roni had to go when she was in her enforcer mindset. It was a place where she could do what needed to be done without her conscience getting in the way. She couldn’t think of her daughter at home. She had to think solely of the task at hand. The safety of the pack and making sure those in the pack abided by the rule of their leader. “He’s not going down without a fight so this might get nasty.” 

“I mean I’m finding it pretty funny now, I’m not gonna lie,” Sabrina told her with a hint of a grin. “You’re really head over heels for him, aren’t you?” She asked, not bothering to hide the amused look that found its way across her face. “You do. But, it’s cool. I get it. And doesn’t mean he’s not still broody. And mhmm. Oh, he knew. I don’t know much about that boy of yours, but I do one thing- sight or not, if there is a hot person in an hundred mile radius, that man will find them. It’s like his sixth sense or something.”

“You’re just going to laugh at my pain like this is a Kevin Hart special I see,” she joked. “Sadly yes. I tried so hard not to be. I’ve only said the L word once and I have never uttered it again though. I could probably go the rest of my life not saying it again. He probably is but I just don’t see it. Even though I’m also kind of broody or well maybe angry not broody.” Roni laughed. “Well, you’re right about that he probably did know. Even though he totally held my hand and kissed me when I stuck in between human and wolf and was very hairy. I knew in that moment that he was going to be trouble for my heart.” 

“And? Just because he’s blind, doesn’t mean his hands don’t work. I mean don’t you want to dress up for him or at least feel hot or sexy on a date? Oh god. Please don’t tell me he shows up in a suit, you come wearing sweatpants,” Dani made a slight face at the thought. “Well, you do. Seem happier that is. And I get it. I mean I’ve known Grant for about eight years now. Almost nine, but it’s weird? I mean sometimes I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and other times I feel like we’re still in that just met honeymoon phase. And okay. So how about we start with all of the key designers and go from there?”

“No I don’t wear sweat pants. I’m just saying I don’t really always wear designer dresses like the ones I’ve been sent for the awards occasions.” Roni smiled when she told her she did seem happier. “I guess I can see it. He makes me less broody and angry. But that’s probably because he gets me. And it’s easy. No super high expectations. Just us being us together. I don’t know if I’ll be out of the honeymoon phase with that man. It’s hard to keep my hands to myself. But I have calmed down a little from when we were first having sex. I can actually hold a whole conversation with devising a plan to pounce on him. “Okay that works for me. But now I’m drawing a blank on key designers and thinking about old brands like Apple Bottom Jeans, and Baby Phat.”

“You say that, but I know a thing or two that could cause some real damage or at least a good scar on a wolf. Just saying… And I probably shouldn’t be encouraging this, should I? Whoops… And I get it. I like the me that’s angry. I like giving into it. I like feeling… unstoppable? I shouldn’t, but I do. And maybe they don’t, but then again, do you really need to know some completely to find their existence beautiful?”

“I wasn’t doing it for wanting real damage or scars. But I mean scars are pretty much nonexistent due to the healing. I wanted to end life permanently. Not hurt myself just for the feeling. You don’t need to know someone fully, but that just means there are beautiful parts that you know. And parts that aren’t so beautiful that ruin the illusion if they are finally seen or found out.” 

Hale: “Anytime you’d like, love,” He promised her, pressing a light kiss on the top of her head as he held her close against his chest. “A party pooper? Wow. You know I can kick you out of this bed anytime I want right?” He teased, tickling her even more before closing the space between them with a kiss. “But, you know, you’re right. Google is just too easy. I’ll give them a card catalog and tell them to go nuts. That way they can do research the way I had to growing up. Does it now, Veronica?” He asked with a raised brow as his fingers slowly traveled down south. “What about if I’m touching you like this?” He asked, as his hand slipped in between the fabric of her pajama shorts, gliding across her clit almost painstakingly lightly.

“So what about when you’re not working or need something to wear to go out with that man of yours? And yeah. You do. You seem lighter and happier even? You didn’t notice?” She asked as if it was obvious. “Oh well it’s easy, babe. Just tell me which designers or brands you’d like and I’ll just ask if they can add you to the list.”

“My man is blind. So he can’t really see what I’m wearing.” Roni shook her head with a smile. “No. I didn’t notice. I just know when I’m with him I just feel normal and I mean we’ve been spending time together for over a year now. So it’s become more like a norm than anything else. I’ll have to think about that. I don’t know brands that well. See I’m not that great with all the fashion stuff. Unless it’s active wear and sneakers.”

“Probably,” Sabrina laughed. “But, hey, you know, a few years for now, you both might be able to laugh about it. And… I don’t know. I think in a way he’s kind of perfect for me? We just get each other in a way? I’ve just never met anyone like him before? Or dated anyone whose as patient with me? I just…  I really love the dork. And we’re talking about the same broody therapist right? And you for that matter? I mean you have seen you right? Because you’re hot as fuck.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever laugh about it but he thought it was funny as it was happening. But I love watching him smile or laugh so...I guess it was worth it.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “I sound so sappy. But I get that. Like we exist together and it’s just great. We accept each other for who we are no other expectations. I’ve never been excited to climb into bed with someone and just talk or just exist until it’s weird and scary and incredible all at the same time.” Roni gad to laugh when she called Hale broody. “You know he’s not as broody when I’m with him. And when he’s with his family...man he’s in rare form. Yes but he didn’t know that initially I was hot. He knows now.”

“I mean I’d bet that Artemis has done her fair share of limb ripping? Joan too. Maybe with a weapon, but just because you’ve given into darkness, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero? I mean think of all of the men whom have been recorded through out history as heroes? Who’ve been revered for their ability to make the tough decisions and who fight with their fists first? I mean if Batman or Zeus or Peter Pan can be a heroes or role models, why can’t you?” Michaela pointed out. “I do think there are some things, some people, that are unredeemable, but I’d say you’re far from one of them. What’s that like? Postpartum? I sort of feel like I’m going through prepartum if that is even a thing? I know I’m pregnant. I have cravings and had severe morning sickness and when she kicks, it hurts. A lot more than anyone said it would. But, at the same time, it doesn’t quite feel real? I know she’s in there, but I don’t feel this overwhelming excitement that I feel like I should? It’s almost like it’s happening to someone else and not me just yet? I just don’t want to let Keanu down. Or her for that matter.”

“That means a lot. You thinking I’m not unredeemable. Postpartum was...scary for me. When I was pregnant it was a big scary thing but I kind of embraced it. Thinking okay if this was what the universe had for me then I would embrace it and love the baby. I’d feel her kick and I felt less alone in the world. I’d imagine us me and my mini me together. Dressing alike, just someone I could love and love me in return. But then I had her and I felt nothing. I felt no connection. I felt more depressed than I ever had in my life. I felt anxious all the time. I cried probably as much as the baby did and I just felt no connection to her. She didn’t look like me. She didn’t like me, or so my mind kept telling me and I just felt...defeated like a bad mother. I felt like I couldn’t do this one thing and I wanted to just end it all. I was in my own personal hell and before I hurt myself and the baby, I left her on the doorstep of her dad. Because I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t in that mindset. I don’t think you could possibly let them down. Unless you give him the baby and run away. Just talk to him? That’s the one thing I regret, not talking to Carter and telling him how I was feeling rather than just bailing. Keanu seems like he’d be a very good listener. And if you ever want to talk to me about it, I’m always here.”