once a lady told me that if my plants are dying even when I’m caring for them correctly, it means they’re absorbing the curses my enemies are casting upon me. so now when my plants randomly die, I wonder if they died protecting me.

whoa

Is this why witches live in the forest? Blanket curse immunity?

[desert witch sees 1 tumbleweed] holy sHIT

Charmander is so happy I love him.

There’s a pack of these in my local zoo and all they do is chase eachother in circles all day in one big line.

They sound GREAT

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

this one’s a keeper

I have queued this since June 19th

Me as a husband