Get Yourself A Unicorn.

Thinking on the association of “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron, Destiel/Deancas, and the final episodes.

The song, while I love it, had been an interesting choice, in my opinion, for the Destiel association. It’s about the singer wanting to go back and stop themselves from ever meeting a person - because the pain of losing that person is worse than the ide of not knowing them at all.

HOWEVER, with that said and with the finale in mind, a little thought trickled into my mind.

Warning: Thie is not a happy thought/theory/explanation. Sorry!

Trigger warnings are in the tags.

Dean in 15.20 is more of like the Dean we had seen in early seasons. There is barely a mention of Cas at all, and the ones we get don’t come from Dean.

The theory that I’ve started to form is that he had gone back and mentally "retconned"/blocked out a lot of his relationship with Cas it was so painful.

He’s gone through so many “widowed” moments in the past where he’s barely hung onto himself by a tread. We see that somewhat at the beginning of 15.19.

Some point after the prank call with Lucifer, though, there seemed to have been a switch in his head, because the later half of 15.19 and all of 15.20, Widow Dean doesn’t really make an appearance anymore. His response to Chuck’s taunts echoing Cas’ words and carving “Castiel” into the table may be the closest we see, but neither are his normal “widow” behavior. I doubt Dean had done a full retcon of Cas at that point, but he could have changed enough in his memories to make Cas’ death more palateable by then?

In the finale, he felt a little shadow-version of himelf. He was similar to the early days Dean, but not quiet that. A lot of Dean’s character development we the years has come from having Cas in his life. The idea that this change in character and the weird acceptance of death might make a bit more sense of he – consciously or unconsciously – started to represss his memories of and feelings for Castiel.

My guess it would have started after the phone call incident. Lucifer is known for bringing in the dead spouse. The could have been the final straw for Widow Dean to lose hope that Cas was still coming back somehow. So in an effort to protect himself from that pain again (or even worse pain this final time, he could have started to rewrite his past with Cas. – forgetting or misremembering moments with him and making Cas less important to Dean as a whole. He might not have even be aware of this change.

It takes place over some time and he still does know Cas, just not the way he did before. Not as a best friend or anything more. So, when we see him in 15.20, he seems like he’s not the Dean we’ve come to know over the years. He’s changed his memory of the night he and Cas met, along with the rest of their history to protect himself from the pain of Cas’ loss.

Just to clarify

The J2 panel had a lot of people upset, which is so totally understandable and justified. However, that anger shouldn’t be directed at Jensen, in my opinion.

Jensen did not say that it wasn’t a romantic love, nor did he say it wasn’t a sexual love. He said that Dean did not know it was a romantic love until the end.

He never said how Dean felt about it being a romantic love.

He never said how Dean felt about Cas.

He never said that Cas couldn’t love romantically or sexually.

He did say that lust isn’t involved in romanticism. He’s right. You can have lustful feelings for someone without having any feelings for them at all, and romance does not need to include lustful feelings. If you think that, you are excluding all the people that identify different romantically from their sexual identities (such as those who identify as heterosexual but biromantic, homosexual but heteroromantic, etc.)

However, that wasn’t even his whole thought. He was interrupted by Jared before he had even finished his sentence. This happened more than once. He got to express one full thought in the J2 panel about this topic – which was that the love Cas had was more than simple terms like “romantic” or “sexual” could describe. It went deeper.

His statement about being able to interpret characters differently is also right. Everyone comes to a character differently. What I see, how I feel, and what I take away from the character of Dean is not going to be the same thing you do. Everyone takes different pieces away from a character, finds a different meaning in things that are said or actions that are taken.

There’s a reason “Death of the Author” is one of the beliefs I fully subscribe to – it doesn’t matter what was intended by a writer (or an actor). What matters is the meaning you take from the books, movie, show, character, etc. What matters is your interpretation of these things.

The writers who, for example, try to claim that Dean isn’t bisexual. However, my interpretation of his character is that he’s for sure bisexual, even if he’s deeply in denial about it. The writers can fuck off when they try to claim he’s straight, in my opinion.

Furthermore, I read a beautiful post from thetiredstuff on Tumblr that pointed out how Jensen mentions “interpretation” every time the subject of Cas and Dean are brought up and how that might be something he was told to do by the CW/WB. If he’s contractually bound, he’s contractually bound, and we can all be pissed at the CW/WB about that. Not at Jensen.

But really, he didn’t make the fucking horrible comments at the panel.

No – that was all Jared. Jared was the one that compared homosexuality (and being non-binary) to incent. Jared was the one who made a comment regarding Cas being “junkless” – an invalidating point of view, as what parts a person has or does not have doesn’t matter when it comes to how that person feels, that is hidden behind a callback from a line in the show. It was Jared who dismissed the idea of love as anything important by saying that “you can love anything” and went on to describe physical abuse before using an example of gifting money – both toxic examples that don’t represent the important, deep connection that love really is. His views and the words he chose to use during his tirade about a scene he had no part in were actually very disturbing to me.

However, his views on the scene itself don’t fucking matter (in regard to the meaning of the scene.) I’ll repeat what I said above about it: a scene he had no part in. He did not help write the scene. He did not help brainstorm. He did not have a part in that scene. At all. Who is he to tell us what the point of that scene was about? Who is he to tell us what Castiel meant by “I love you, Dean”?

His opinion on this is just that. An opinion – a narrowminded, homophobic, transphobic, and disgustingly worded opinion.

So, for me, I am ignoring what he has to say on this subject.

I will instead be taking what Jensen had to say, when able to get an actual full thought in, which is that Cas’ love was something indescribable – something that was just more.

I'll say it's...

It’s profound.