When looking back at their childhoods, many adults realize just how much their parents cared for them. They see how their folks busted their asses for their future, making sacrifices and denying themselves things, even if they didn't fully grasp it at the time.
My experience was the exact opposite. As a kid, I was absolutely convinced my parents loved me and had my best interests at heart. But looking back now, I realize they didn't give a flying fuck about me. They didn't love me, they didn't hate me – they just didn't care at all. I grew up on my own, like a weed.
No one thought about my future; no one intended to give me a head start in life. For instance, when I finished school, I had no idea where to apply, how to get around, or what paperwork to submit. I was a sheltered kid with no clue how to navigate the big, adult world. Did my parents help? Of course not; they just suggested I enroll somewhere local – somewhere close to home.
By my first year, I realized things were a total clusterfuck. All the budget places were taken, and my parents didn't have the money for the paid option. I dropped out to pursue something like freelance work. My mother gave the go-ahead; at the time, I thought she was understanding and progressive, but now I realize she just didn't give a damn. Mind you, she did start caring once the time came to leech my paycheck off me… though there wasn't much to leech – obviously, an uneducated little shit isn't going to earn much.
Nobody gave a fuck about my health, either. I have crooked incisors that stick out. It looks kind of cool, but theoretically, it could cause trouble with my canines down the line. Did anyone bother with my teeth back when I was a kid – when it could have been fixed relatively quickly and for free? Of course not. I wore a orthodontic plate for a while, but then, for some reason, the whole thing just fizzled out. Either my folks got too lazy to keep bringing me in, or they actually started demanding payment – and as thou hast probably guessed, nobody wanted to spend money on me.
Now that I’m an adult, I can’t get anything fixed quickly or for free, and I can’t afford to pay for it. Why can’t I afford it? Oh, could it be because I have neither an education nor a decent profession?
When I was 12, my grandma accidentally shoved me on the street, and I landed hard on the ice right on my tailbone. It hurt like hell for days. Did they take me to a doctor? HAHAHA, no, of course not. Why would parents care about their own spawn? If the little bastard croaks, they won't have to spend money on food. Even now, I can't sit up straight for long; that bone, which healed crookedly, still starts hurting.
I remember getting a prescription for glasses for my bullshit college. I didn't mind wearing them, but my mom kept making excuses, saying I could just squint. I'll just tough it out. I explained that my eyes hurt constantly and maybe glasses would help. And she goes: "Everyone’s got something hurting all the time. You just gotta suck it up and deal with the pain". A fucking great answer for a kid saying he's in pain.
I honestly lost my shit by that, but I insisted on getting the glasses. That’s when I started to suspect that, to put it mildly, I wasn't exactly loved in this family. I mean, I’d started suspecting it back when they wouldn't feed me properly, but that could still be passed off as some twisted concern for my health. Sure, having a crotch goblin with three and a half kilos of "excess" weight is a total fucking disaster. But being blind as a mole? That’s nothing – he’ll just have to tough it out.
My eyes actually did hurt less once I had the glasses, though.
It all sounds like I’m holding a grudge against my folks. And that’s exactly what it is – a grudge. You could say I’m the one at fault for dropping out of school. And I don’t even really regret it: I felt like I wouldn’t be able to work in that field anyway, and at the time, it seemed like the right move. It was my decision, but – fuck – I was only 15 or 16. My parents could have at least suggested other options instead of expecting a kid to make adult decisions.
I think it’s pretty much the same for most people. An infinitesimally small number of people are actually planned. Everyone’s an oopsie baby; the parents don't know what to do with the kid – basically, they don’t fucking need a child. I’m convinced that most parents don’t actually love their children and wouldn’t have had them if they could go back in time.
