TOTALLY TUBULAR

2. Ravi did not invite Eddie. Buck showed up to the park, compressor sleeve on his bad leg, and saw a tiny woman struggling to pull a giant cooler out of the back of her Subaru. Buck ran to help at the same time as another man hurried over, and they both managed to catch the cooler before it slipped and crushed the poor woman. The guy was masked, but his eyes were so blue and, judging by the way the corners creased, he must have had a hell of a smile.

“Nice catch,” the guy said as they navigated the cooler to safety. His voice was higher pitched than Buck was expecting for a guy that size, but it was, and there was no other word for it, melodious.

“You must be the Ravi’s weird coworkers,” she said. “Grab that and follow me.”

The guy’s eyebrows raised, but he obligingly picked up one end of the cooler and Buck took the other, and they followed the woman, who was named Skye and the co-founder of her college’s frisbee gold club. That was how she knew Ravi; they were old friends.

“Ravi, I found your weird work friends,” she called as they joined Ravi and the rest of the group at the course they were setting up.

“Most people are impressed by us being firefighters,” the guy said mildly.

Skye snorted. “Tell you what, kid, save a cat from a tree and I will personally throw you a parade.”

“It’s been a long time since I was called kid,” the guy mused, and Buck was treated to those laugh lines again. They were so deep; this guy must smile a lot. “I’m Tommy.”

“Buck. Buckley. I mean, Evan,” Buck said because apparently he lost control of his mouth. God, he wished he could see that smile. “Evan Buckley.”

“Good to meet you, Evan,” Tommy said.

“Glad you made it,” Ravi said. “We’re about to break into teams. Full warning, Skye gets physical.”

“Yeah, I do,” said Skye, and high fived another woman.

“I didn’t think this was a contact sport,” Buck said, who had spent last night reading the frisbee golf Wikipedia article and watching a couple of video of people trying to toss little discs into various baskets.

“Not the way we play it,” said Skye with a wolfish smile. “Are you ready?”

3. Buck was not, in fact, ready. The third time Skye laid him out, Buck just stayed and contemplated his mortality.

“Still alive down there?” Tommy asked, hands braced on his knees as he leaned over Buck.

“Unfortunately,” Buck said. “Do you think if I play dead they’ll forget I’m here?”

Tommy glanced at where a scrimmage was taking place further down the course. “I think it’s wrapping up. I heard a rumor that cooler we carried was full of snacks. Come on.”

Tommy offered a hand, and Buck was effortlessly pulled to his feet. “Oh,” he said, breathless. “I’m, uh, not used to people being able to lift me.”

“Benefits of being a big, strong firefighter,” Tommy said with those gorgeous laugh lines.

“Yeah, strong,” Buck agreed over the mad scramble happening at the last basket. It was either luck or skill that kept anyone from losing a mask. “This is not regulation play.”

“Yeah, it’s very Calvinball.” Tommy slid him a sly look. “I bet we can raid the cooler while they’re distracted.”

Buck was too old to get caught in the violent tangle of limbs that was happening. “Let’s do it.”

4. An incomplete list of things Buck learned about Tommy as they waited for the frisbee golf game to end:

Tommy was not just a firefighter but a firefighter pilot, which was one of the coolest jobs it was possible to have. (“That’s gotta be like having a super power,” he said way too earnest to be cool, but Tommy just smiled so wide that his nose scrunched and said, “A little bit, yeah.)

Tommy was Harbor’s sacrificial goat who got sent to the academy as a guest instructor (“I lost the final round of rock, paper, scissors,” he said in that dry tone that Buck suspected he used when he wanted to hide the truth as a joke.)

Tommy used to be at the 118 and had the best stories from Chim and Hen’s probie years (Tommy called him Howie, which was weirdly endearing)

Tommy learned to fly in the army (“The PTSD was almost worth it.”)

Tommy knew Muay Thai but had not joined an underground fight club because he was only slightly more well adjusted than Eddie

Tommy had the most beautiful smile Buck had ever seen

“So this is adorable,” Skye said, gesturing between them, “but if you don’t stop bogarting the snacks, I will take you both down.”

Tommy stepped aside and made a dorky little half-bow so Skye could get into the cooler. Apparently everyone contributed to the snack fund but Skye was the one who actually went out and bought everything because she had black market hook ups for the good chips and dip.

Once everyone had raided the cooler and they had all spaced out six feet so they could take off their masks to eat and drink, Ravi raised his can of flavored seltzer and said, “And now it’s time for the traditional poetry reading. Kay has chosen this week’s selection.

Kay, who had an undercut and a septum piercing, said, “You know I had to go with my girl Mary Oliver. You know it, you love it, it’s Wild Geese!”

Everyone cheered, and Buck found himself exchanging a bewildered look with Tommy and Tommy’s politely baffled eyebrows.

From their back pocket, Kay pulled out a phone and began to read. It was a short poem, but it filled him with a sweet ache, like the relief he felt when a wound had been sutured closed. Tommy’s face had softened with each line, and by the end he looked just like how Buck felt, like pain had given way to ease. And then it was over, and Buck wished he’d though to fix his mask back into place so he could have stood shoulder to shoulder with Tommy as they experienced the poem together.

“So,” Ravi said once they were once again masked up and reformed into a loose circle, “what did you think?”

“I wasn’t expecting to be tackled so much,” Tommy said dryly, smile once more hidden away, “but it was fun.”

“Yeah, fun,” Buck said. “Hey, what’s up with the poetry?”

What was up with the poetry was that Ravi’s college roommate was an extremely shy kid named Joshua who Ravi managed to, in the words of Skye, cajole into joining their frisbee golf club using sweet words and a muffin. Joshua hated frisbee golf, but he liked poetry and old books, and so would sit on the sidelines reading to them between plays. And soon everyone had their favorite poets and poems and started bringing them to share with Joshua until it became a tradition after every game for one member to read a new poem they found.

“He had to move back home when his dad got sick,” said Chad, who looked exactly like one of Buck’s roommates from back in the day who would howl without fail at three am every day but was in fact pursuing a masters in gender studies. “But we kept up the tradition, and we either facetime with him or send him the poem.”

“Oh, that’s really cool,” Buck said, who never had the kinds of friends who would do that. He didn’t even keep in touch with Connor, who he’d followed to LA like a lost puppy.

“It is,” said Beth, who was only slightly less violent than Skye, which was good since she was close to him and Tommy in height, “until Skye breaks up with her girlfriend of two years and does nothing but read Richard Siken poems for two straight months.”

Tommy winced, and Sky pointed an accusing finger at him and said, “I knew it! I knew you were one of us!”

Tommy’s eyebrows rose in a way that Buck could only describe as bitchy. “Kid, I was in the army under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. You’re one of me.”

“Wait, what does Don’t Ask Don’t Tell have to do with poetry?” Buck said two seconds before his brain caught up. “Oh, you’re—”

“Gay,” Tommy said, and now those bitchy eyebrows were trained fully on him.

“That’s cool! I mean, I’m an ally.” From outside his body, Buck watched as his raised his fist in the air in encouragement and wanted to die. But instead of death, he opened his mouth and said, “I put up a rainbow on my Instagram profile every June.”

Into the terrible silence that followed, Skye said, “So do you have a reminder about a flag programmed into your phone?”

“No,” he said quickly.

“Oh, he definitely does,” Chad said. “That’s adorable. Ravi, thank you for inviting him. He’s going into my thesis.”

Tommy leaned in close and said, “I think that means he likes you,” which almost made the mortification worth it.

Thank god a bunch of moms chased them to clean up and clear out so that their kids could kick around a soccer ball. He and Tommy carried the cooler back to Skye’s Subaru.

“You need to contribute to the snack fund,” Sky said, holding out a hand. “I only accept cash.”

Who carried cash anymore? Tommy apparently, and he handed over two crisp twenties. “You can get it next time,” he said, and gently knocked his knuckles into Buck’s shoulder.

“I’m adding you to the group chat,” Ravi said, and Buck was officially part of frisbee golf.

6. By the third meet up, Buck had given up on understanding the ever shifting rules and instead spent most of his time on the fringes talking to Tommy. They had started getting take out after the game and eating on Tommy’s back patio and then, because they were both fully vaccinated and careful, moving inside to watch the movies Tommy insisted he had to see.

“Do you miss going out to the movies?” Buck asked one day, perusing the two bookcases dedicated to DVDs and CDs.

“I don’t miss strangers breathing on me in the dark for two hours,” Tommy said dryly, “but, yeah, I miss it.”

“We should go when it’s safe.” Buck brushed his knuckles along Tommy’s shoulder. “I’ll buy you Twizzlers.”

The first time Tommy came to the loft, Buck was mortifingly aware of how empty it was, especially compared to Tommy’s carefully curated house. He didn’t have a single shelf of movies or even books. The only personal touch was the bike hanging on the wall, and it had been years since he’d been cycling. Thank god Albert never cleaned up against himself; his mess was the only sign of life in the entire place.

“I get the appeal now,” Tommy said, gesturing to the two balconies. “That’s almost gotta be worth what you’re getting gouged on rent.”

“Spent a lot of nights out here when I can’t sleep,” he said, and they ate lunch out on the balcony and listened to the city.

But mostly they snuck away when Buck’s leg and Tommy’s knee started acting up after too many tackles. They were deep in a discussion of which weird 80s fantasy movie to see next—Tommy was adamant that Buck needed to experience Tim Curry as the shirtless devil, and Buck wanted to see Labrinyth since he had remembered seeing that with Maddie and loving all the pupped—when Skye said, “This is why we don’t let you be on the same team.” She had evidently clawed her way free from a pile up that, as first responders, he and Tommy should really break up. “At least we’re both equally down a player.”

Tommy pointed to Buck’s leg and then his own knee. “There’s no way our old man joints would survive that.”

“Aren’t you firefighters?” she asked.

“I’ve seen the elbows you throw in there,” Tommy said. “Our job is less dangerous.”

“Ha!” Skye said, and then immediately proved Tommy’s point by trying to take down Ravi.

Chad gestured between them. “Whatever is happening between you two is adorable, and I want an invite to the wedding.”

Where Buck had been expecting Tommy’s to do their bitchy thing, Tommy’s expression instead smoothed out so quickly and completely that it felt like a flinch, like Chad had inadvertently pressed on a tender bruise.

“I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole,” Buck said once Chad had been dragged back into the pile.

“It’s fine,” Tommy said in a tone that meant it was absolutely not fine. “I forget sometimes that’s an option for me. It wasn’t for a long time.”

Buck thought of Abby and Ali and the dating apps he hadn’t opened in months, and said, “Yeah, I get that.” He touched the back of Tommy’s hand. “Want to raid the cooler while they’re distracted?”

They had snacks and made an effort to talk to people who weren’t each other, and then it was time for the ceremonial poetry reading.

Tommy stepped forward and carefully pulled out a piece of paper that had gone soft along the creases, like Tommy had folded it and unfolded it many times. Tommy cleared his throat and, a little shy, said, “This is called the undone cowboy writes to his sweetheart.”

And Tommy began to read.

7. These were the poems Buck had heard since joining the group: an ee cummings poem he remembered reading in high school; Frank O’Hara writing about New York; Sky choosing a poem about Jesus in a gay bar that had made him and Tommy tear up; a poem about the women in Stop & Shop.

He had liked all of them, but none of them had been read in Tommy’s soft, careful voice, and none of them had felt like they were spreading his ribs apart to let in the sun. God, he thought as Tommy read the last line, god just take my heart in your palm.

“I knew you were one of us,” Skye said, and tapped friendly knuckles to his shoulder.

8. The shift had been quiet enough that Buck was able to sneak away and grab the good bunk in the corner with the mattress that didn’t sag and replayed the poem in his head: could you lasso my legs, darling, and press me tender to hay bale?

Buck had spent the better part of a year working on a ranch. Hay was a lot less romantic and a lot more irritating than people thought. It pricked and itched, even through a carefully laid blanket, and Buck had no desire to have it anywhere near his dick and balls again.

And yet he placed his palm against his sternum and thought of leaning against a bale. The hay would try to scratch through his clothes but he wouldn’t notice it, not with how close Tommy would be standing. They were the same height and near the same size, although Tommy had more breadth across the shoulders and carried more muscle. Tommy was immovable when he wanted to be, and Buck had felt the heat of him when they collided on the field.

He pressed down on his own breastbone. It wouldn’t be hard for Tommy to move him. It’d be so easy; Buck would go without a fight. God, he would have to spread his legs so wide to let Tommy get in close, and Tommy would kiss as sweetly as he read the poem.

“Oh,” Buck said, ribs cracked open and his sternum filled with sunlight, “I’m one of them.”

8. Buck was a firefighter and there was a time for evaluation and there was a time for action, and so he showed up to Tommy’s house and said, “Are you the undone cowboy? Can I be your sweetheart? I, uh, also brought lunch. Hi.”

“Hi,” Tommy said, and he was laughing but not at Buck. “You want to come in, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I really do,” Buck said.

9. Tommy kissed sweeter than the poem.

Buck sliced him an apple.

10. “I’ve got a poem,” Buck said, fumbling his phone out of his pocket. It wasn’t his frisbee gold reading, but this one was important. He wanted to get it right. “It’s from our girl Mary Oliver.”

“Yo Mary Oliver!” Kay shouted.

"It's I Did Think, Let's Go About This Slowly." He cleared his throat and began to read, and on the line, the important one, he met Tommy’s eyes and said, unafraid and full of joy, “‘But, bless us, we didn't.”

Tommy’s smile was still the most beautiful think Buck had ever seen.

He tries everything that has worked for him before...conjuring his favorite fantasies, porn, sexting, and--once he's healed and no longer in a cast--hooking up with a stranger (it was disappointing for all parties involved).

He begrudgingly looks for answers online; tries teas and supplements, various toys, more porn, even meditation.

The meditation app does help a bit with his stress levels, but he's still not able to come.

Until he discovers a different type of app, the structure of which is not too different from the meditation app--there are stories and guided recordings--except they're all designed to get the listener off; talk them through it, as it were...

Buck's curious and desperate and lonely. Maybe it will help to have a voice in his ear, somebody he can pretend is there without the added stress and worry of disappointing them.

There are many different ways to filter the recordings; by length, by gender of the artist, by scenario, etc. There's an overwhelming amount of content and Buck doesn't quite no where to start, but there's even a "getting started" audio guide from one of the co-founders of the company, Tommy Kinard, so Buck clicks on that. Something about the Tommy's voice relaxes Buck and makes him want to hear whatever else he might have to say.

He also finds himself getting hard just from Tommy explaining the different features and subscriptions available; thinks, yeah, he could talk somebody through it...

He learns that Tommy isn't just the co-founder, but has his own series of recordings as well and Buck can't resist finding out just how Tommy would get somebody off

He puts in his earbuds and starts a guided recording; Tommy's deep, commanding voice telling him when and where and how to touch himself and Buck flushes with shame and a few other feelings he can't name when he comes before Tommy tells him to. He still finishes the recording, absently stroking his dick, as Tommy's voice settles him into a rich after-glow, feeling like's he floating.

When he finally comes back to his body, Buck clicks play on the next recording. He's too satisfied--euphoric, relieved--to feel embarrassed that by the end of the day, he's made it through a quarter of Tommy's content.

By the time his next shift rolls around, he's made it through the whole thing.

His libido settles back into its baseline after that, and he finally successfully hooks up with a woman he meets at a bar, but the app--especially Tommy's recordings--become a fixture in his sex life.

On the nights Buck has trouble sleeping, he listens to the sleep stories on his meditation app and on the particular lonely nights, just as he's drifting off to sleep--in that liminal space between dreaming and awake--he wishes he had Tommy's voice in his hear--not telling him how he'd get Buck off, but describing how he'd cuddle him, what he'd make him for breakfast in the morning and...it takes Buck maybe longer than he's proud of to make sense of his desire.

He sits with the thoughts and feelings and everything he can't quite name or put a label on.

Buck's standing in line at his favorite coffeeshop, behind a broad, built dude whose ass he can't stop staring at the first time he considers updating his dating app preferences.

And when it's the guy's turn to order, Buck freezes at the sound of his voice; familiar, even if it's pitched a bit higher than Buck's used to. Maybe it's not him, Buck tries to rationalize to himself, to his body--that is working really hard to betray him right now. He tries to concentrate on anything but the sound of that voice, the one he's been getting off to and falling asleep to for months now.

the name the guy gives the barista is Tommy and Buck's heart is officially hammering in his chest.

Tommy walks away, to the end of the counter to wait for his drink and now it's Buck's turn and suddenly he's forgotten everything he's ever ordered, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth as he mumbles, "I'll have what he had" even though he was very much not paying attention to what Tommy ordered.

Buck pays and walks to the end of the counter where Tommy's still waiting for his drink. Tommy turns and yes, it is his Tommy--well, not his--but it's definitely Tommy Kinard, Buck's looked at his picture on the app and website enough to recognize him; to recognize that cleft and jawline.

Tommy's eyes meet his and Buck's working up to a greeting when he gets distracted by the way Tommy's throat bobs as he visibly swallows.

Buck blushes, barely resists the urge to pull at his shirt collar. "H-hi."

Tommy smiles. "Hi."

"I'm a big fan of your app."

Tommy's eyebrows raise. "Oh!"

Buck wishes for a sinkhole to appear and swallow him whole. "I'm so sorry. Was that weird? That was weird--"

Tommy laughs. "I've definitely gotten weirder. I'm glad to know you're a fan."

Buck is saved momentarily from further embarrassment by the barista setting down his and Tommy's drinks.

"So,"--Tommy glances at the to-go cup--"Buck, if you don't have anywhere to be right now, would you like to share a table with me?"

Buck grins. "I'd love that. On one condition--"

Tommy shrugs one shoulder. "Name it."

"Call me Evan."

Tommy offers the hand not holding his cup. "It's nice to meet you, Evan."

Tommy - who got into this work in the first place in part as a way to cope with his own sexual dysfunction - being both very flattered and horny and maybe a little freaked out when he finds out that Evan mostly only listens to HIS stories. They talk all the way through a second coffee because not only is Evan so very much his type, Evan has so many interesting questions that aren't just weird horny line-crossing shit (even though it's definitely a little flirty on both sides). Unfortunately eventually Tommy has somewhere to be and well, they just met and it's a little weird anyway (for both of them) so Tommy goes, "Sorry I've got to run but drop me a line on one of my public socials sometime, I'd love to hear what you think about our new series."

And Buck is like, a little torn between thinking maybe that was just a nice brush-off or was really sincere, but he absolutely listens to the new module (they're trying a new duo of actors doing a bisexuality-focused storyline) and has soooo many thoughts he can't resist sending the message to Tommy in the end.

Tommy replies that he's really grateful for the feedback, and they keep chatting about Evan's feedback, but also carefully delving into more personal topics more and more. Buck starts telling Tommy whenever he's used the app and giving feedback on everything he listens to. Tommy gets brave and records some new content very obviously based on the inspiration of having met Evan and a fantasy about what it might have been (if he was the sort of guy who could just hook up with a stranger, which he isn't really because if he really likes someone his nerves get in the way of his dick). The whole thing is also leaning into some key points Evan had told him he liked.

Buck absolutely clocks the premise of the story. Sends a bunch of messages telling Tommy how much he liked it and how much he liked meeting him and asking more questions asking where he gets his inspiration - asking if they could talk again sometime. Basically just desperate to try and find out without directly asking (and risking making it weird) - was it real? Was that how you felt about meeting me? Or was it just borrowed for inspiration? Is there a chance for us here?

Tommy gives him his number this time instead of answering all his questions over text. They have a call and Buck's asking all about his process, and that segues not-so-subtly into about his dating life asking whether the things he talks about reflect his own desires or are a separate sort of primarily creative writing. Tommy tells him that while he takes inspiration from a lot of places, a lot of it is himself being put into the stories. He gets a little bold and tells him about how when he gets writer's block he sometimes goes and picks up guys for one-offs to ground himself in a real experience again.

Buck is flirting hard as he can without making it too weird and hoping desperately that Tommy will choose him for some inspiration - he finally just says, "If you ever need some more inspiration, I'm uh - I'd be happy to help with that." and Tommy says, "Trust me, you already do." And Buck is like - about to combust over the phone and is like, "I can do more."

And like they so obviously both want each other, but Tommy is more than a little nervous about the idea of having physical sex with Buck because he's scared he won't live up to the fantasy. When he picks up guys it's usually a stranger that he doesn't have to worry about disappointing with his usual struggles with sexual dysfunction - it's easier to get hard when he doesn't care so much, and even if it doesn't happen he can just get them off some other way and never see them again.

Tommy doesn't want to admit all of that, so he ends up telling Buck he doesn't want to just hook up with him - tells him he likes him and especially given the way they met and how Buck already has this sexual relationship with his voice, he wants to take things slow physically while they get to know each other without the sex part overwhelming things… if he's interested.

Buck is so interested - honestly he's a little nervous about being with a guy for the first time and fucking it up too anyway, and besides, his leg is still healing up and this way he won't be tempted to overexert himself. While they're flirting and talking about it, Buck sort of suggests what if he narrated his own stories for Tommy - maybe there's a little miscommunication where Buck meant it as a personal thing to try and level the playing field in terms of sexual intimacy they've shared via the audio format. Tommy misunderstands a little and thinks he wanted to do it for the app or something to try it out because he's had so many questions and been so interested in it anyway - or maybe not that but he liked the idea a ton and just meant to offer to let Buck use the high quality audio equipment so it would be the best possible, and Buck got confused and thought he meant do it for his app. Maybe both or whatever lmao Buck would be excited either way and so would Tommy.

So Buck goes over to Tommy's place to record using his equipment. Tommy puts him in his little recording booth and tells him he's just going to let it record and he won't even listen until later if that makes it easier - which it does for this first pass. Buck takes to it immediately though, because he's always been good at talking during sex anyway, and because he's basically telling Tommy what he'd like to do with him but with a shred of plausible deniability that lets him feel free to do it when he's sitting in the next room over. He just looks at him through the tiny window in the soundproof booth, tells him all about how he imagines it might be and all the things he's curious about and wants to try with him - whenever Tommy's ready. He'll wait.

Tommy doesn't listen to it until later. They just go to dinner and have a really nice date and then don't kiss each other at all even though they say goodnight from spare inches apart kind of drowning in sexual tension, and it feels incredible. Buck is riding that same kind of high he got the first time he learned how to wait for someone all over again.

Tommy chickens out of listening to it and sends it to his editor to just be like - hey I need an unbiased opinion is this any good? The editor is like. Uh. Yeah buddy. It's fuckin' good. In fact I only have to edit out a couple of uses of your name and description of your features and a tiny bit of intro nerves. It'll fit in great with some of our short-form fantasy stuff. So they produce it, and it's a big hit with the users of the app - very much including Tommy who has an incredibly satisfying orgasm listening to it - so on every level Tommy is motivated to ask him to continue doing it.

Buck loved doing it, it turns out, so he gladly says yes - especially when Tommy admits that he really enjoyed it, personally. So Buck keeps coming over before their dates to do recordings while eyefucking Tommy who can't hear him through the soundproof booth. Tommy records his versions after they separate for the night at the end of the dates and he talks about what he would have wanted to do if they hadn't said goodnight at the door. They keep dating and not having sex in person, even though they're both definitely getting off to each other's voices in the app.

It also really helps Buck to have this new project and relationship to focus on while he's healing his leg and so he's less crazy about getting back to work at an impossible timeline and ends up healing up much better just more slowly and there's no clots and no lawsuit and whatever. He just gets back to healthy and gets back to work - and now he's got all these nights in the bunk room daydreaming up new fantasies to tell Tommy.

Tommy is pretty much dying listening to them all because he's getting even more stressed realizing Buck's never been with a guy - because it turns him on like crazy, knowing that he could be his first, but that just makes it more and more intimidating at the same time. He desperately needs to not fuck it up for Evan because he likes him SO much the more they keep dating and he's SO sure his stress would mean he would absolutely fail to get or stay hard and would ruin everything.

So Tommy keeps putting the brakes on for anything physical, freaked out entirely that he's going to ruin his relationship either way because eventually Evan is going to get tired of waiting, isn't he? And maybe Tommy doesn't even really realize that Buck already kind of knows why Tommy's holding back - maybe Tommy basically forgot he did a series partly about sexual dysfunction back in the early days of the app, talking through getting pleasure without getting hard or getting off with some big orgasm. That series was so crazy helpful to Buck in the beginning because in it Tommy kind of talks about how it's something he deals with a lot and the ways he's learned to work with his body instead of against it, and it all made Buck feel so much less alone back when he was really struggling. So he already has a pretty good idea that maybe that's part of it.

So they're just recording things back and forth at each other, getting more and more intense and intimate with their fantasies while going on dates and not having any physical sex together at all, which only fuels their inspiration with wild sublimation. They make it a series, trading between them - 80% of the users are obsessed with it (and 20% are complaining they feel left out, but eh, there's plenty of other content for them).

At some point Buck and Tommy go to some 118 barbecue or party or something and Buck is so happy and proud of his boyfriend and not at all shy to talk about what Tommy's company does, even though this is basically him coming out to them all too because he worked out his sexuality while he was stuck at home alone being kind of left out of the firefam and he just kind of never mentioned to anyone else that he's bi because he had already moved on by miles in his head when he was finally back at work. Since everything was so good with Tommy he wasn't asking for relationship advice, and when Tommy came up it was in the context of normal work-appropriate stories about activities they'd done so with everyone assuming he's straight it just sounded like he'd made a new good friend while injured.

So people are more than a little confused the way he's making moon eyes at the guy he introduces as his boyfriend and probably prying a little more than they should, and somehow it comes up that Tommy's never actually seen Buck's place - neither of them have actually seen each other's bedrooms - and someone goes, "Wait, hold the phone. You've been together for like six months and you haven't even had sex?"

And Tommy's a little mortified and is about to say something to the affirmative even though he sees the judgy confusion from Chim and Eddie and the speaking looks Karen and Hen exchange, when Buck laughs and says, "No, we have tons of sex, actually!"

Tommy's kind of stunned, thinking Evan's maybe covering it up for them to seem normal but Buck keeps talking saying, "We just do it indirectly, over audio and stuff. Sure, our sex life is kind of unconventional, but it really works for us. Honestly I think more people should be deliberate and thoughtful and creative about how they engage in sex instead of just going with the same old whatever they consider normal. The way we do it is incredibly intimate and satisfying," and he's smiling at Tommy so happily and squeezing his hand and perfectly contented.

Bobby probably senses Tommy's as uncomfortable as he is and nudges things in a new direction and dinner resumes as usual, though Tommy isn't really listening to anything much after that. In fact he's feeling a little insane about it because - Evan's right. It works for them. They've gotten this far and it hasn't imploded at all, they're happy. Which means it'll probably also work if they have sex in person and he can't get it up. Which means he might be able to get it up anyway sometimes if he stops being freaked out about getting it up. And either way it doesn't matter because they can have the sex they're already having, but they can make out now too and maybe have sleep-overs and -

When he's walking Evan to his door that night, he backs Evan up against his closed door and kisses him goodnight and it's just this utterly filthy, intimate, passionate thing that absolutely leaves in the dust any of the soft little goodbye kisses they've exchanged so far, and Buck is like, melted against his door and breathless and staring at him with this mix of lust and hope and confusion and concern.

"I like the sex we have too," Tommy says, his heart pounding as he presses intimate, exciting little kisses into the line of Evan's jaw, and up into his ear and his throat in ways that he's never dared to risk treading before lest he start something he can't finish. "But I think I'm almost ready for some other kinds of sex now too, if you're still interested?"

And Evan swallows hard and nods very hard and says a breathless, "Any kinds - whatever you like."

"I might not be able to do everything you've imagined… maybe not even a lot of it. I have trouble sometimes in person," Tommy finally admits, and the thing is Evan doesn't look surprised or concerned or confused or any of it.

He just nods and says, "I know. I don't expect - we'll just do whatever feels good, right? That's all I care about, making you feel good."

"Yeah? Me too," Tommy says, and kisses him again, and Evan clings to him a little bit, groping him back to the same degree Tommy gropes him - and Evan's so obviously hard in his pants - but he doesn't fight when Tommy finally pulls away and says, "Not tonight."

He just says a breathless, "Okay."

"Tonight I'm going to go home and record everything I'm thinking about doing to you right now," he tells him, meaning it more honestly now than he ever has because he explains, "I'm going to tell you about what I think might actually happen, not what I wish would happen. And if it all sounds okay with you after you listen to it-"

Evan nods sharply and says, "It will, Tommy, it will."

Tommy is terrified to hope but he can't help but believe him, he sounds so sure. So he says, "Then maybe next time we can try it."

And then he leaves him there standing against his closed door, hard and yearning and goes home and does exactly as he promised. He hits a lot of the highlights of things he often talks about, but this time he talks about how he probably won't get all the way hard no matter how much he wants him - because he wants him too much, because he's going to be nervous about screwing up. Talks about how he wants to feel Evan's mouth on him anyway, even if he can't cum. How he can't wait to taste him, to use his hands and his fingers on him.

It's hard to get it all out, to admit to some of the things he's afraid of, but in the end it's cathartic, and the thing that really amazes him is he's not actually nervous when he sends it off. Seeing the way Evan had so honestly and openly championed what they have to his loved-ones unlocked something in him. He's feeling secure enough in their relationship now, where they are with things, that he believes it's actually going to work.

And he's right.

They have sex and it's - by almost any standards - terrible. They're both so nervous to start with it's a total shitshow, and for one moment Tommy thinks it's all going to turn sour, but they start laughing, just laughing together - and after that they're just having fun. They try and bail on several things, and eventually they stop trying to have sex and focus on making out - which is amazing actually. They go to sleep together without either of them getting off, and in the morning Evan is looking at him so soft and so happy and -

Yeah, it's perfect.

After that they do get better at having sex together. Tommy doesn't get off a lot of the time, but he loves getting Evan off, loves the way Evan touches him so well even when he doesn't make it to the finish line. They find all sorts of ways to share pleasure, just by learning each other's bodies and getting comfortable but also with toys and other supports.

They still record fantasies for each other, though maybe a little less frequently than they used to, but they're also a little more honest and less idealized, which a segment of the userbase really responds well to. Buck does a special series specifically for listeners dealing with sexual dysfunction where he plays the role of a supportive partner who doesn't expect something they can't give in a way he wishes Tommy'd had from him earlier in their relationship.

The fans of their little seduction series really lose their minds though when they start recording a joint series with both of them in the booth talking through mutual fantasies and quite possibly fucking on mic. It evolves into a regular thing they do that actively puts the listener in the position of playing voyeur or cuck or third in a threesome fantasy, and remains an incredibly popular part of their brand.

3. At age 7, they move to Colorado. Tommy's mom gets sick. She teaches him how to take photos and how to develop them; she doesn't want Tommy to ever forget her.

4. Tommy's 10 when he has to move, to start over, again. His mom never gets to see Maryland. His father sees right through him most of the time; it's worse when he doesn't. Tommy doesn't make many friends, but he takes lots of photographs. and he aches and aches and aches.

5. Georgia at age 11 and it's more of the same.

6. Virginia at age 12. Tommy learns how to surf. He'd much rather take photos of the ocean than be in it.

7. Florida at age 13. He meets a boy, Jackson, from Michigan who's on vacation with his family; they hold hands in the dark at the cineplex. Tommy never sees him again. He spends more time in his darkroom than he does in the sun.

8. Arizona at age 15. He joins the football team because that's what boys do. His father doesn't allow him to take yearbook as an elective, but he gets involved anyway. He has more friends than he ever has before. He tells himself to enjoy it while it lasts.

9. Oregon at age 17. Tommy's almost free…to—well, probably to live the life he's always known, but at least it will be lived far away from his father.

9a. Tommy takes a photography class in school and his final project, Wish You Were Here, is a series of postcards he creates from his favorite photographs he's taken from over the years; from Maryland to Oregon. He gets an A+ and his project is picked to be displayed (he's 1 of 20 students who are picked) in the halls for a "gallery night" where parents get to come look at their kid's projects. He goes, alone. When it's over, he sits in his truck in the school parking lot and cries.

9b. His project is featured at an actual gallery and somebody wants to buy the postcards, which are definitely not for sale. But he does compromise and agrees to have the photographs printed for a legit collection of postcards (without the notes he'd written to his mom on the back). The postcards eventually make their way to stores in the cities that are featured on them.

9c. Tommy makes enough money from the sales that he can buy a gravestone for his mom to be put next to her parents at a cemetery in Arcadia, just like she always wanted.

10. At age 18, Tommy enlists in the Army.

11. Evan leaves PA and ends up in Maryland. He buys a postcard and doesn't send it. He's still mad at Maddie.

11a. He can't sleep the first night he stays in a motel; the sheets too scratchy, the air conditioner too loud. He switches on the bedside lamp, which illuminates the postcard on the bedside table. He picks it up, looking at the picture of a rocket on the front, and wishes Maddie was there.

11b. The caption on the bottom says it was taken at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center, photograph credited to Tommy Kinard. Evan first researches the space flight center and decides he'll go the next day. Then he spends over an hour researching the history of postcards. Finally, he searches for Tommy Kinard, curious to see more of his photography.

11c. Evan finds a bare bones website featuring Tommy's photography, a few links to magazines his photos have been featured in, as well as an article from an Oregon newspaper about Tommy's postcard project. A lump forms in his throat as he reads it. There's an email address to contact him about freelance work and an address for a PO box in Los Angeles.

11d. Evan's in awe of all the places Tommy had been by the age of 18, wonders if it was lonely to move around so much, wonders if Tommy finally settled in one place and if it feels like home. Evan's lived in one place his whole life, but that came with it's own type of loneliness, and here he was 100 miles from the only place he's ever known searching for home.

12. Evan spends hours at the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center. When he gets back to the motel, he grabs a pen and the postcard and crams as much of his experience as he can onto the blank space. He spends a few more days in Maryland, mails the postcard before he leaves, doesn't yet know where he'll be by the time it arrives in California.

13. Evan arrives in Virginia. He buys two postcards this time. He's not mad at Maddie anymore. He mails her postcard within days of his arrival. He falls in love with the ocean, learns to surf, falls in love with a women. He visits the boardwalk on the postcard—another one of Tommy's—and wonders about Tommy's time spent in Virginia, if he loved to surf too. He knows he'll never get a response, but he asks anyway.

14. Every new place, Evan buys and sends two postcards, knowing he'll never get anything back. He may not know anything that's going on in Maddie's or Tommy's life, but at least—if they received them—they'd know there was somebody out there in the world wishing they were there.

15. When Tommy checks his PO box, he wasn't actually expecting anything to be in there. He's lived in his own house in LA long enough to no longer really need it and he hardly ever does freelance work anymore, now that he's a firefighter. But there it is, a familiar postcard from an unfamiliar person. He doesn't know what to make of the gesture from this stranger named Evan, but he supposes it's sort of sweet. He doesn't let himself overthink it, he buys an LA postcard—featuring a photo he took of Griffith Observatory—and writes back. He thanks Evan for his postcard and wishes him well on his travels.

15a. A few weeks later, Tommy checks the box again. There are two postcards this time—one from Evan, now in Virginia, and Tommy's postcard returned, undeliverable.

16. Evan continues to send Tommy postcards, even from places Tommy's never been. Tommy continues to send Evan postcards back, even though they're all returned.

17. Tommy thinks he'd like to visit Peru someday.

18. One day, Tommy receives a postcard from an address in LA. He doesn't want to name the feeling in his chest. He reminds himself that Evan is a stranger, that Tommy doesn't know him no matter how many postcards he's received from him over the years. That truth does little to stop him from wanting to know Evan. He sends a postcard back, on it is a photo he took last year of the Pacific Wheel.

18a. A few weeks later, Tommy has no new postcard in his mailbox, but the one he sent hasn't been returned.

18b. Tommy sends another, this one has a photo he took of his favorite Italian Ice stand at Venice Beach. He writes the address to the boardwalk, along with a date and time (in two weeks). He also writes: wish you were here

19. Two weeks later, Tommy's at Venice Beach. He's early, only 10 minutes, but it feels like a lifetime as he waits—he paces, wrings his hands, sits on a bench only to stand right back up again. Somebody says his name like a question. He turns, nearly loses his breath when he sees the man approaching him—a bit wary, but there's a gleam in his eye that does dangerous things to his insides. "Evan?"

20. Evan nods and stops in front of Tommy. They're both smiling, but there's a few long moments of awkwardness—do they shake hands or hug or do neither of those things? Evan gestures towards the vendor's stand nearby. "So…Italian Ice?" Tommy sighs in relief and nods.

21. They eat their dessert as Evan tells Tommy about his time in LA so far, how he thinks he's going to stay, that it feels like it could be his home.

22. Tommy gives Evan all of the postcards he wrote to him.