daddydom ASMR but 5 seconds in he gets attacked by a cackling witch

i’m sorry but what the actual fuck

a cackling witch

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

(talking to a crowd of people large enough to fill a very big sports stadium) hi everybody. sunbeam on my p(crowd erupts into thunderous applause startling me so bad that I run into a wall and die)

your penis is died. game oval

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

Wait shit wrong fucking post

did chikorita ever end up decreasing the increase or was that another of bidens failed promises

the democrats ended up shunning chikorita and abandoning her policy proposals, calling her a "saultry little binch" and refusing to cooperate with someone "on the bottom lsft" of the political spectrum

Really confused as to how my logo changed to kermit the frog. Unless im starting to have hallucinations from lack of sleep. Still. mindfucked. 

I love the word "jamboree". If I had a daughter I'd name her Jamboree Lynn, and if I had a son, I'd leave him in the woods to be raised by coyotes.

what if he grew up never knowing you were his parent and came back to kill you in a tragic twist of fate tho

happens

Jamboree Lynn would handle the situation i imagine

you're mommy's good little printer aren't you? you'll print whatever mommy tells you to because otherwise mommy gets sad and leaves you for one of those free use library printer sluts

mommy needs you to print this document now and if you don't mommy is going to turn you off at the wall

listen to mommy okay? if you don't be a good little printer and fucking print my document and i know you want to okay mommy can see it in your print queue if you don't. print. my fucking document. mommy's going to get the hammer

DOUG WAS MAC TONIGHT??

@cellarspider It’s your Blorbo from apparently everything?

What Have I Even Done To You Why Are You Doing This.? I Have Only Been On This Website A Day Or Two And I Am So Small I Can Barely Hurt Anyone But Any Of You Can Squish Me Very Easily.? This Isn’t Fair Or Right Please Stop

blocking.