daddydom ASMR but 5 seconds in he gets attacked by a cackling witch
i’m sorry but what the actual fuck
a cackling witch
NASA
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@imafuckinghostbitch
daddydom ASMR but 5 seconds in he gets attacked by a cackling witch
i’m sorry but what the actual fuck
a cackling witch

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you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday
half asleep in a sunbeam and the sun suddenly shifted directly to my General Dick Area
(talking to a crowd of people large enough to fill a very big sports stadium) hi everybody. sunbeam on my p(crowd erupts into thunderous applause startling me so bad that I run into a wall and die)
artistic depiction of the event
your penis is died. game oval
dude pay attention
Also, something that struck me as so funny when I was watching the TNG pilot....
137-year-old Bones McCoy tells Data (about the Enterprise): "You treat her like a lady. And she'll always bring you home."
Which is funny when I just watched Voyager, where Janeway treats her ship like a battering ram, and it still brings her home. Twice.
the notes on this post give me life
this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen
guys this post is a big hit on the adolescent psych ward
Fish in the great lake being like
Wait shit wrong fucking post

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cropped the tweet out because idgaf about how it feels to be a sensitive young man but i wanted to look at cute elephant
that sounds insane on its own, sorry
this was the tweet
how it feels to live in a world full of evil women
How it feels to be a sensitive young lady in a world full of evil women
did chikorita ever end up decreasing the increase or was that another of bidens failed promises
the democrats ended up shunning chikorita and abandoning her policy proposals, calling her a "saultry little binch" and refusing to cooperate with someone "on the bottom lsft" of the political spectrum
I found someone’s tumblr logged in on this computer and all I did was change the icon

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Really confused as to how my logo changed to kermit the frog. Unless im starting to have hallucinations from lack of sleep. Still. mindfucked.
I love the word "jamboree". If I had a daughter I'd name her Jamboree Lynn, and if I had a son, I'd leave him in the woods to be raised by coyotes.
what if he grew up never knowing you were his parent and came back to kill you in a tragic twist of fate tho
happens
Jamboree Lynn would handle the situation i imagine
you're mommy's good little printer aren't you? you'll print whatever mommy tells you to because otherwise mommy gets sad and leaves you for one of those free use library printer sluts
mommy needs you to print this document now and if you don't mommy is going to turn you off at the wall
listen to mommy okay? if you don't be a good little printer and fucking print my document and i know you want to okay mommy can see it in your print queue if you don't. print. my fucking document. mommy's going to get the hammer
A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *is very long*
Me: is that you, Doug
The credits: Freaky Creature played by Doug Jones
Me: YEAHHHH
A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *does that elegant hand movement that Doug always seems to do*
Me: DOUG!!!
How dare anyone over look:
Where it started
DOUG WAS MAC TONIGHT??
Y’all also need to know that Doug Jones was in Smash Mouth’s music video for “All Star” as Pencil Head:
@cellarspider It’s your Blorbo from apparently everything?
Indeed, he is in an unexpectedly large amount of everything! You never know where he’ll turn up, being spindly and mesmerizing.
hey everyone watch out for this individual. very dangerous. thank you🦌
What Have I Even Done To You Why Are You Doing This.? I Have Only Been On This Website A Day Or Two And I Am So Small I Can Barely Hurt Anyone But Any Of You Can Squish Me Very Easily.? This Isn’t Fair Or Right Please Stop
blocking.

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I reblogged this yesterday, but I want to reblog it again. Diabetic ketoacidosis turns your blood acidic and will essentially burn you from the inside out.
The stories you hear of people dying from rationing, this is what happens to their body.
Affordable insulin isn’t just a right, it’s a necessity.
No one should have to die like that when it’s preventable with access to proper medication.
feeling this old mitski tweet so hard lately