benvenuto a tutti quanti

“Put him on his knees give him something to believe in” has the exact same energy and depth of meaning as anything Hozier puts out on the regular but since it’s sung by Megan Thee Stallion no one takes it seriously. In this essay I will-

To flesh this out a little bit more: both Megan Thee Stallion and Hozier write and sing really sexual songs, but they’re different in that Hozier’s music is typically “let me worship you” while Megan’s is usually “I’m worshipping myself,” which makes all the difference because it’s an acceptance of power rather than the giving of it. He’s the sinner, she’s the saint. However, taking their difference in genres out of it, people don’t usually seem to take Megan Thee Stallion’s music seriously in comparison to Hozier because a) her lyrics are more overtly and blatantly sexual and b)she’s claiming her sexuality for herself, and that scares a lot of people. The secret, no-one-wants-to-talk-about reason is that she’s a confident black woman, which terrifies people way than sex does. In conclusion, Hozier and Megan Thee Stallion are two sides of the same poetic, sexual coin, but people just don’t want to admit it. Which is WHY a collaboration between Hozier and Megan would be so powerful that it would change the timeline as we know it yes I will elaborate 

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

[oblivious to sexual dynamics] ohhh are you guys playing knights and princesses? can i be like a grizzled mercenary captain? i could teach the soldiers in matters of arms and project a gruff and unyielding yet ultimately kind and fatherly demeanour. if you guys are looking for a third. player

next year james patterson is slapping his name on a book called "the secret lives of booksellers and librarians," which is real bold considering that every bookseller and librarian that i've met in my time as a bookseller and librarian absolutely loathes him. including me.

I was wondering about this when i saw the first version of this post

STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES, THE NEXT EPISODE BEGINS WITH AVA DREAMING OF THEM MAKING OUT?!

Too many rich people buying medieval castles and then renovating the interior to look like a completely normal 21st century house. Sorry but if you're going to live in a castle you need to commit to the bit. If I lived in a castle I would restore it just enough to be barely liveable and pretend I was a poor but prideful nobleman in his crumbling estate, still clinging to the last vestiges of his family's fading name.

I'd commission portraits of generations of completely made-up noble ancestors and then intentionally water-damage some of them to reinforce my "mouldering splendour" motif.

I would invite a woman who looked like one of my portraits over and tell her that it was a portrait of my saintly mother who was taken by consumption 20 years ago.

I’d have a personal eccentric monk from no known religious order skulking about parties, pointing his long, bony finger at random guests and whispering in my ear.