Seriously, don't do it.

man I hate when I'm in a situation where I have a lot of small rocks or balls about to crush me and the only way for me to get out of the situation is for someone to match three or more objects on a grid. and then they don't match the objects on the grid! like bitchh just match the objects godddd

What if there was toxic yuri between girl who was a lock and a girl who was the key. And it wasn't romance but it was butch4butch. And they both had situationships with this incestuous grift princess that ate a guy, and their only other friends were a supergenius and a living weapon from Planet Nerd who were so codependant they fused into one person named Paul. And the lockgirl was in love with the thing in the locked box, which was the planet Earth but also an unstoppable indestructible Barbie with anger issues but also the sweetest happiest hopefulest lovingest specialest girl in the universe. And the keygirl was Jesus

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

Our age of plastics is collapsing

unironically love the phrase “but I’m being so brave about it” because truly, like, what other choice do we have in this wretched existence? what a beautiful way to remind yourself to keep going, even if only out of spite

Niu Lai has not made its way onto tumblr yet so I guess my anglophone ass has to make a post about it

Good news: Niu Lai was only pulled from cinemas its hometown, because "the film’s poor quality could harm the city’s image." The rest of China is still screening it.

post is still going around so i'm reblogging this for whoever's looking for a version with an image id to reblog

youve got a fast gar - fish racer tracy chapman assessing her competition

Can I say something

The word Ottawa looks like a caterpillar

They should invent a cry for help that has zero negative effects on anybody and also that makes everyone treat you like a little animal in a cardboard box. But everyone’s cool with it because you’re a cute little animal and not an adult human that needs to get their shit together to stay alive

i just wanna do nothinggggg 😭😭😭😭😭 which is like what im already doing but i wanna do it in a way that doesnt actively ruin my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

btw this has graduated into me just saying "the trout population will be affected" and then not elaborating