Seriously, don't do it.

i think my favorite thing about trinity santos is how genuinely corny she is. i love how she unironically changes whitaker’s nickname from huckleberry to fuckleberry when she’s upset. i love the exaggerated hand gestures and the way she bows as she makes her dramatic exit saying, “so long, fellow losers”. she is so undeniably cringe that i can’t help but love her

Soft butch Jane Hollander finally cutting her nearly hip length hair into a choppy razored wolf cut/shag and Lilya Rozanova legitimately forgetting how to breathe as she slams her rum and coke at a stupid bar in Tampa in a dress she thought would be funny but now looks stupid because god, she’s never even seen Jane in pants let alone the smudgy eyeliner and crisp button down with the sleeves rolled up and wide leg trousers, sunglasses tucked in her cleavage and oh my god, is she wearing a black lacy bra? Can she actually see Jane Fucking Hollander’s Bra ™? Did her awful fucking movie star boyfriend make her change her image?? If he did it would be a weird choice because prissy, perfectly feminine, princess Jane looks gay now. Really fucking gay.

OH MY GOD I’M SAVING ALL  OF THESE RN

i cannot emphasize enough how important it is that you should ideally give birth in a fully equipped and staffed medical facility or if you insist on giving birth through an alternative method you should be within minutes of a hospital and i mean under 5 minutes if you’d like me to be really fucking frank

like i can get on board with so much feminist theory and stuff, truly, and i do acknowledge that obstetrics and gynaecology as a field holds blind spots that are egregious (e.g. infant and maternal mortality in the black community) but there is no empowerment in risky birthing practices that our foremothers, and i’m not mincing words, often suffered through. birthing is natural, but it is not “easy” or even “innate”, it is best practiced guided and witnessed by those that know what to do in an emergency. you are not reconnecting to any innate feminine nature by practicing dangerous birthing practices—you are recreating a time when the bodies and lives of women barely mattered and it was expected that death would/could occur at insane and tragic rates.

this is a hill i will spend the rest of my days fighting on because while i am not interested in birthing children myself, i have an incredible passion and interest in the field of labour and delivery. it’s been one of my greatest joys to play even a small part in delivering neonates. i do not want anyone to risk their babies over a deeply, deeply misguided idea of free birth being “the natural way” when natural is not always synonymous with the safest way.

So many people think it's either midwife or doctor. It's not. Have your midwife or doula in the hospital room with you, I promise the doctors don't give a shit. Hell, you can have her do the delivery itself and just have the doctors there as emergency backup! But for the love of your baby, go to the fucking hospital.

yup. a lot of hospitals are willing to work with you to realize your birthing plan as much as they can within safe limits and parameters. my hospital is closely and highly allied with midwives all up and down the coast, with the explicit instruction to call the midwife when we know a labouring patient is about to deliver so we can respect their plan. genuinely, you can have almost any kind of birth you want—just make sure that there are qualified professionals in attendance, and it’s not just midwives or OBGYNS you need. you have no idea when you’ll need a respiratory therapist on call, you have no idea when you will need a blood transfusion within minutes or risk certain death, L&D nurses do not have the same training as NICU nurses if a baby declines rapidly. it’s a literal thousand things that can go wrong and you should be in the best place for them to go wrong.

Stop saying Calvin and Hobbes it’s important to me that Calvin is six and not nine.

I take it the nine-year-old was literally driving the vehicle?

The nine-year-old was literally driving the vehicle after knocking the gear shift into Drive apparently by accident. Seven- and five-year-olds in the backseat. Nine-year-old knows in movies people stomp down on the thing on the floor and the car stops. He stomps. It is the gas.

I think that if I unsubscribe I should stop getting the emails

Getting up for the bathroom and coming back to a new seat every 30 minutes

they should invent a high ponytail that doesn’t give me a headache and they should invent a low ponytail that doesn’t make me look like a miller’s apprentice going off to enlist in the continental army

trust me i wanna be That Bitch that moisturizes every night and journals regularly and drinks 5 bathtubs worth of water daily