blind love

LOVE ACTUALLY . . . is all around. If you take the time to surround yourself with good people and create positive social connections, then you literally create a barrier of protection.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Physiologically, research indicates positive encounters with a lover, friend or like-minded individual boosts oxytocin (a hormone associated with bonding and attachment) and helps increase vagal tone (a process of the vagal nerve, the longest nerve in our body, which helps relax our heart rate faster and reduces stress); both are indicators of improved physical health.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ In other words, there is a positive feedback loop between high vagal tone, increased oxytocin, positive emotions and good physical health. So, what are you waiting for . . . start loving and connecting!⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Resource cited: Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara Fredrickson⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #sundaysnow #sundaylove #selflove #loveothers #loveactually #healthyrelationship #loveactuallyisallaround #postiveconnections #socialconnections #connect #goodpeople #oxytocin #vagalnerve #vagaltone #physicalhealth #mentalhealth #goodhealth #goodrelationship #protectivebarrier #reducestress #attachment #bonding #love2.0 #bekind #bewell⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CaNuzBQpR6C/?utm_medium=tumblr

LIP SERVICE. What we say to others is not only words, but within what we say, we are defining a relationship. That is COMMUNICATION = CONTENT + RELATIONSHIP. “In other words, every time we say something, two things happen simultaneously: we verbally communicate the content of the message, and at the same time, we define something about the relationship Dimitra Doumpioti, The Story of We).”⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ For example, you might say to your partner, “You never wash the dishes.” We are not only saying something about the dishes, but we are also conveying to our partner something about the relationship. We may say that we are not happy about our partner not washing the dishes in a number of ways (e.g., critically, combatively, in distress), so how we say something is more important than what is being said to the other person.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework: Be mindful of how you communicate a message in your relationships.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #couplestherapist #couplestherapy #couplescommunication #relationships #partner #wordsmatter #toneofvoice #thewaywecomunicatie #message #content #relationshipdefined #lipservice #fermelabouche #bemindfulofwords #whatwesay #howwesayit #dimitradoumpioti #thestoryofwe #bekind #bewell #lovewell⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ7pXAnpH5Z/?utm_medium=tumblr

LAYERED CAKE. Constructing a layered cake is comparable to the ingredients required for constructing a meaningful romantic relationship. First there is the foundation or base to our cake, which in relationship terms is establishing a genuine and reciprocal friendship. Then there is the frosting or glue that is used to connect the cake layers together; this is more or less the similarities in one another’s values and ideals that creates a meaningful bond guiding your decisions as a couple. As each layer of cake is added, there is added complexity and vulnerability, but if your foundation is solid and your values align, you can continue to build higher together.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework: Make sure your romantic relationship is created from friendship, aligned values and vulnerability.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #sundaysweets #couples #relationships #romanticrelationships #meaningfulrelationships #layeredcake #cake #frosting #fondant #buildlayers #buildhigher #foundation #securebase #friendship #values #ideals #vulnerability #complexity #buildtogether #connect #jackinthebeanstalk #goldeneggs #cakedecorating #birthdaycake #cakedesign #cakeart #cakesofinstagram #bekind #bewell #eatcake https://www.instagram.com/p/CZXsRbjJHjW/?utm_medium=tumblr

HAPPY PILLS. Medication does indeed work, so don't feel you failed at life if you take medication to help stabilize your brain chemistry. There is no shame in trying to be the best version of yourself by accessing resources that work. That said, evidence-based research does indicate medication + therapy is the better treatment formula for long-term positive effects, so why not give therapy a try in 2022? ⁣⁣ By the way, the pills pictured here are actually capsules containing small hand-written messages inside with salient memories of a relationship spanning nearly 20 years with my partner in crime (www.infmetry.com). Note of benefit: Positive states of mind created by recalling significant moments in time can have a similar effect to other dopamine burst options out there.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #sundaysmiles #therapist #medication #brainchemistry #psychotropic #psychotropicmedication #therapy #breakthestigma #medicationworks #therapyworks #pills #happypills #therapy2022 #postivestateofmind #dopamine #positivepsychology #postivethoughts #positivememories #tinynotes #infmetry #salientmemories #momentsintime #positiveeffects #noshame #gettreatment #beyourbestself #beyourbest #tryyourbest #havefunwithit https://www.instagram.com/p/CYiRGczgPE0/?utm_medium=tumblr

DEAR 2022: With a new planner in hand, I stare at its blank pages with wonder. As many of us do, we start each year with a greater sense of hope as we relinquish past expectations and look to the future. That is for example, the hope to lose weight, to pay off credit card debt, to find true romance, to find a dream job, to repair broken relationships, to fulfill new year’s resolutions and so on. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Well to heck with that I say. Rather than have hope, find purpose. Research shows that those who live a more purposeful life exhibit a lower risk of heart disease, have less chance of developing Alzheimer’s or diabetes, maintain better sleep, generate immune strengthening antibodies and better repair DNA that slows the rate of aging @vicstrecher ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ So that said, one can either be miserable trying to lose weight on a fad diet or find purpose in going on daily walks. One can either be disappointed by an unreliable dating app promising a “match” or find purpose in joining a volunteer program. You get the picture. We can’t predict what 2022 has in store for us, but we can choose to live a purposeful life.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework of 2022: Whatever your purpose, find it and find meaning in your life amongst the unknown. To help with this, check out Vic Strecher’s online Coursera class, Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life, or download his app, Purposeful, designed to help people build purpose into their daily lives.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #sundaypurpose #vicstretcher #lifeonpurpose #purposeful #findingpurpose #findyourpurpose #findmeaning #findhappiness #livelonger #livehealthier #wellness #mentalwellbeing #physicalwellbeing #newyear #newyou #2022 #happy2022 #happynewyear #hny #manssearchformeaning #viktorfrankl #findingpurposeandmeaninginlife #purposeful2022 #meaningful2022 #purposein2022 #bepurposeful #bekind #bewell https://www.instagram.com/p/CYPtgyqpltE/?utm_medium=tumblr

FAMILY. As the saying goes and a good friend of mine often reminds me, you can’t choose your family, but there is the “family” you choose. Some of us have experienced the disruption of family ties during the pandemic for a multitude of reasons. Whatever might be the case in your own life, remember “family” is what you make it. I know I appreciate the family I have chosen to no end, but more importantly, the family who has chosen to invest in us.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework: Let the “family” you have chosen know they are much appreciated in your life.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #sundaysupper #familytherapy #family #familyofthree #familysystems #choosefamily #friendsarefamily #investinyourfriends #investinyourfamily #gratefulformyfamily #gratefulformyfriends #appreciation #showappreciation #choosewisely #investinothers #bekind #bewell⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CW1d6UYpz5m/?utm_medium=tumblr

⁣ ⁣ DATE NIGHT. Research shows that in-the-moment happiness is highest when people are out with their friends, followed by partners, then children. Why? Well generally when together with our friends, we engage in more sociable and “fun” activities rather than cleaning house or changing diapers. Yet once controlling for the type of activities engaged in, results showed we are just as happy with our partner and kids as we are with friends. The common denominator, engaging in pleasant activities that bring us JOY.⁣ ⁣ While the things we do with our partner might not always be fun, by intentionally engaging in more enjoyable activities and spending more time with our partner (compared to others) increases overall happiness and life satisfaction.⁣ ⁣ Homework: Love the one you’re with and plan a date night with your partner this week to do something fun!⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #sundaysidenote #couples #relationships #relationshipresearch #partner #datenight #planadate #100dates #havefun #dosomethingfun #wellbeing #happiness #lifesatisfaction #qualitytime #findjoy #inthemoment #lovetheoneyourewith #bekind #bewell ⁣#beloved ⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CV_WH7BpPGT/?utm_medium=tumblr

MASKING, the act of voluntarily concealing one’s true personality is a real phenomenon. It is not uncommon for us to create a façade or behave in a different way to meet the social demands of a particular setting in order to “fit in” or be socially accepted. In present day, masking involves hiding negative emotions such as anger, anxiety and sadness and replacing these with positive emotions. Research shows that often the face we present to others every day is rarely our genuine face or how we really feel.⁣ ⁣ On Halloween, we all have the chance to “mask” and take on a new persona. No doubt it can be fun to be someone else for a day, but there is something to be said about being our genuine selves.⁣ ⁣ Homework: Be your authentic self and find those who accept you for you without the need to “mask”.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #sundayfunday #psychobabble #mask #masking #personality #emotions #fascade #negativeemotions #positiveemotions #youbeyou #genuine #happyhalloween #halloween2021 #trickortreat #costumetime #halo #masterchief #bekind #bewell #beauthentic⁣ ⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CVtTvq6p5X0/?utm_medium=tumblr

FLOODING. When in a romantic relationship, there will be times when you feel as though a raging river is running right through the middle of your relationship. In the moment it seems as though the divide is too great and there is no chance of repair; things just escalate.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ This is what is called “flooding”; anything over 100 bpm = flooded and nothing constructive will come of the argument once you or your partner reach this threshold. Instead as a couple, you need an adult timeout, that means at least a 20-minute break until you regulate to 100 bpm or below. Then and only then should the discussion resume and repair ensue.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ Remember a raging river eventually leads to a vast lake where calmer waters can allow you to regroup and close the divide.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ Homework: Find out more about flooding based on the couples’ research of John Gottman’s here www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-part-4/⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ #sundaysilence #therapist #couplestherapy #romanticrelationships #riverrunsthroughit #ragingriver #divided #conflict #flooding #gottmaninstitute #gottmantherapy #gottmanrelationshipblog #repair #timeout #taketwenty #calm #selfsoothe #100bpm #regroup #closethedivide #resolution #rivermeetslake #grandcanyonofyellowstone #wyoming #yellowstonenationalpark https://www.instagram.com/p/CVJPDt3JXZn/?utm_medium=tumblr

Figuring out whether to stay in a relationship or not is no easy task when things are seemingly going well, yet if you are completely honest with yourself, you know something is missing. I came across this note given to me over 15 years ago (had tucked it away in a relationship book I was reading at the time). At the time I was choosing to risk being alone again, which is unsettling for most.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I actually ended this relationship after pondering my needs as an individual; the next guy I met was whom I married. What was missing at the time was the need to fully love myself. Without self-love, how could I possibly love someone else? Being single does provide perspective to truly get to know yourself and love yourself. My friend was correct in reminding me to not get set in my ways because I knew I wanted to love another person, but not without loving me first.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework: Do you fully love yourself? If not, do the self-work.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #fridaynotes #relationships #relationshipneeds #shouldistayorshouldigo #honestreflection #letterfromafriend #reminder #selfhonesty #truth #betteroffalone #singlelife #gainperspective #knowyourself #selfwork #selflove #beforelovingsomeoneelse #loveyourselffirst https://www.instagram.com/p/CPtAyb0JWaE/?utm_medium=tumblr

Monarchs and marriage . . . well any relationship for that matter; it is about symmetry.  It is safe to say a butterfly would not be able to take flight if one wing was asymmetric to the other. So why in our relationships, do we all too often accept such an imbalance to the detriment of our own personal well-being?    For couples, let's be real, asymmetry will always exist within some facet of the relationship. Whether a couple's sex life, child-rearing, daily chores and so on. Yet, it is possible to find a sense of balance in order to take flight and succeed as a couple. Don't kid yourself though, it requires just as much effort as the monarch migration cycle. Homework: Make a list of the "asymmetric" facets of your relationship. Put these in order from most important to least and start working on item number one together; find a healthy balance. #therapyfriday #fridayfling #couples #couplessynergy #monarchmarriage #monarchmigration #relationship #symmetry #symmetricwings #asymmetry #imbalance #relationshipimbalance #findabalance #healthybalance #takeflight #succeedasacouple https://www.instagram.com/p/COS5ZIAJNI2/?igshid=1g5hjqlpsjvj

free·fall (frē′fôl′) 1. The fall of a body within the atmosphere without a drag-producing device such as a parachute. 2. The ideal falling motion of a body that is subject only to the earth's gravitational field.⁣ ⁣ It is only human nature to allow fear to convince us to play it safe in life (i.e., too afraid to ask them out on a date, too afraid to ask your boss for a raise, too afraid to end a relationship). We have all learned the laws of gravity once upon a time and it is safe to say we can agree that freefalling is a precarious choice; keeping two feet on the ground is clearly more logical. Yet, you may never know what is possible in life by choosing not to move one foot in front of the other and face your fears. Leave the parachute behind this time.⁣ ⁣ Homework: Ask yourself, what is your biggest fear right now? Face it.⁣ ⁣ #fearlessfriday #faceyourfears #freefall #trysomethingnew #takeachance #onefootinfrontoftheother #dontholdback #humannature #dontplayitsafe #fly #noparachute #defygravity #fearless https://www.instagram.com/p/CNu5NVgJ8ml/?igshid=ocbr4gl4uxuj

When you are in a romantic relationship, you become vulnerable. You are entrusting someone to care for something very fragile and nearly irreparable once broken; your heart. To love boldly is not easy to do, even for the most confident of people. After failed relationships, it becomes even harder. Yet, without 100% trust in a partner, the relationship is over before it begins.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ We all have relationship baggage – learn from the past, but don’t let it prevent you from loving someone who will always be there to support your future. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Homework: Trust your gut – love boldly.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ #psychologist #therapist #talktherapy #romanticrelationships #fridayiminlove #entrustyourheart #trust100 #learnfromthepast #learnfromabrokenheart #trusttheoneyourewith #embracelove #loveboldly #bevulnerable #bebold #bekind #bewell⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CMUdI1EJQtV/?igshid=if1nge73a3v

Moments in life are fleeting. In the moment, it is hard to know what experiences are of value until they pass us by. Hindsight is always 20/20.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Presently, it may feel as though we are in some hellishly cruel holding pattern, but the reality is most of us are ignoring the value of this surreal moment in time and what is being offered to us, if we choose to adapt.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I know for myself, as a small family, we find being virtual 24/7 a real struggle at times, but I know the worth of being together in this context is in actual fact a gift. I am making some of my most valuable memories . . .⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Homework: Reflect on the moments of value in your life.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ My reflection: Today marks one of my dearest friend’s 42nd birthday; she passed away from lung cancer at age 35. Pictured is when she came to visit me in New Zealand and we threw her a “99 Red Balloon” themed birthday party for #32. This memory holds more value than I attached to it at the time, as I figured we had at least 99 more years to celebrate our coming-of-age together. ⁣⁣ #psychologist #therapist #therapysession #selfreflecting #loveforb #valueofamoment #hindsight2020 #drseuss #makememories #valuetime #valuelife #adapting #bepresent #bekind #bewell⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CLwnzWFprvR/?igshid=16ebsolh5sk6t

Boundaries. A therapist buzz word, but with good reason. It is not easy to set healthy boundaries in life.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ All too often we overextended ourselves to please others. We never learn to say "no" without feeling guilty. Family oversteps and we allow ourselves to be trampled. People continually take from you, but never give back. And so on.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ Just like the 100 Lego figures displayed in this letterpress drawer; it is about coexisting and living our life without being enmeshed with any one person in an unhealthy way.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ Homework: Make a list of key people in your life and ask yourself if healthy boundaries are in place? If not, create a healthier boundary. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ For more information on healthy boundaries: positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ #psychologist #therapist #systemstheory #familysystems #genogram #boundaries #create #healthyboundaries #define #setlimits #bekind #bewell https://www.instagram.com/p/CLjpV5dp61L/?igshid=16mic4i84ealh

LOVE in the CITY. In times like these, who wouldn’t want someone to love and be loved in return? I mean it is cuffing season after all? Yet, finding love is not so easy to do when social distancing and self-isolation continue to be the norm. Hearing about the “pursuit of happiness” from my singleton clients in recent months confirmed this for me.⁣ ⁣ Living in a city, one can assume there is a larger pool of people to date, which also means less need to commit to one relationship and test drive a variety of options. Also, with a pandemic in place, it makes it even easier to make excuses and “ghost” another individual. With so many options in terms of dating apps, it seems as though one’s pursuit never seems to be fulfilled in the age of modern love.⁣ ⁣ But why? The long and short – the person has failed to commit to self-love. It is much easier to seek validation from others than it is to figure out what one truly needs and deserves in a partner. All too often people compromise their needs just to feel loved, even if only for a couple weeks.⁣ ⁣ Homework: Try taking a break from online dating and try “cuffing” with yourself this winter and ask yourself what you NEED in a relationship before pursuing one.⁣ ⁣ Panel painting by Brook / With Love from Detroit⁣ ⁣ #psychologist #therapist #loveinthecity #detroitcity #findlove #returnlove #selflove #singleton #cuffingseason #pursuitofhappiness #pandemicdating #saturdaysexting #needsversuswants #cuffwithyourself #modernlovetv #modernlove @nytimes #modernlovepodcast @wbur #withlovefromdetroit #besafe #bekind #bewell https://www.instagram.com/p/CIa8jPopOG2/?igshid=8du502nt8dlr

LOVE, is it truly all you need, as indicated by @thebeatles infamous tune? Well yes. Plain and simple. I have often said to my contemporaries, what therapy boils down to at its core is individuals seeking love in some capacity. Whether this is self-love, love from a romantic partner, or love from a family member or friend; the common denominator is being loved, but in a healthier way.   Love comes in many forms. Healthy self-love is engaging in daily self-care; healthy romantic love is being with someone who doesn’t try to change you; and healthy love with family and friends is having someone who shows mutual respect and maintains good boundaries. Unhealthy self-love is starving yourself to seemingly look more attractive; unhealthy romantic love is letting someone control you; and unhealthy love with family and friends is letting someone take advantage of you. Understand the difference and find the love you need. Homework: Ask yourself what feeling loved looks like and means to you? Ask yourself, are you receiving love in this way? Lastly, ask if the type of love you are receiving is healthy or the love you are receiving is unhealthy? If the latter – work on it. “All You Need is Love” listen @ www.vimeo.com/252765355 #therapy #psychology #therapist #psychologist #humans #allyouneedislove #thebeatles #love #healthy #unhealthy #boundaries #respect #maintain #selfcare #selflove #family #friends #feellove #seeklove #givelove #wednesdaywisdom #connect #bekind #bewell  https://www.instagram.com/p/CGnIH4JpbeX/?igshid=1t32vt4qqyqzx