Artisan Scribbles

There are no levels in knitting, there are no exams to pass or goals to achieve before you can continue.

The Handsome Chris is a perfect beginner project. It's all one color, it's knit flat, you get to learn lots of new techniques all at once, but most of all it's engaging and you're working towards a goal you really like.

I would have impaled myself on my needles if I'd been forced to complete a Sophie scarf before I got to advance to something more "challenging" like a washcloth, or God forbid a ribbed hat.

My very first project was a self-drafted 11-strand intarsia double sided cable scarf, because I didn't know I wasn't allowed and that was what I wanted to make.

This attitude of mystifying certain fabrics as advanced really twists my stitches. I cannot do simple stockinette colorwork to save my life, but I can 3-color brioche without looking.

There are no levels in knitting.

Figure out what styles you like, and then learn what brands make quality versions of those styles. I don't mean designer, I mean well made. You can't afford the good shit, I know, but bear with me. We'll get to that.

A pretty good way of determining if something is "quality" is to look at the fiber content. Synthetics like polyester and nylon will tend to pill, not to mention they don't breathe and can irritate your skin. Synthetics like rayon and viscose feel better and are more breathable, but they also tend to lose their shape quickly and start to look saggy or thin in places. What you want are high percentages of natural fibers, like cotton, linen, and wool. Anything with a lot of elastic or lycra is going to wear out faster than versions that have a natural fiber content of 95% or higher. 100% is ideal, because when those stretch materials wear out, you're going to be seeing all those little broken ends of elastic sticking out.

For shoes, avoid faux leather. It'll wear out and crack and start shedding microplastics. If you're opposed to leather for animal rights reasons, buy it used (which is what I'm going to tell you to do in the next step, anyway). Good leather shoes can often be maintained and repaired for decades, and it's better to keep a used pair in circulation than to throw more plastic to the landfill.

Once you've figured out what you want, and who is making quality versions of it, find it used. Sometimes you can get lucky in thrift stores, but if there's something specific you want, try Ebay. If the exact thing you're looking for isn't there, or is too expensive (check if they have the "or best offer" option available, because a lot of sellers will immediately come down on a price if asked), scroll down below the listing to see if Ebay has any similar items to suggest. I've been surprised at how often these suggestions don't suck. The brand was never what was important, it's just a search filter that helps to bring up well made options.

Learn mending techniques. There are a ton of tutorials for both invisible and decorative mending out there.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, natural fibers won’t be an option for you. For example, winter coats and snowpants: linen won’t keep you warm, cotton holds water and sweat making you cold, and good quality wool outerwear is often prohibitively expensive. Buying synthetic clothing second hand means that you can see how durable the synthetic fabric is, when these fabrics are new it can be hard to tell if corners were cut in manufacturing and if the fabric will last.

For winter wear specifically, some clothing is designed so that the waterproofing can be re-applied when it wears off. This can significantly extend the life of your coat or snowpants.

If you have leather (especially shoes) you need to learn how to take care of it, or it will crack and take in water easily. This is especially important if you live somewhere with cold, dry winters, or if your shoes come in contact with road salt. There are a lot of different ways to do this and each method has its pros and cons, but you usually want something to condition and hydrate the leather (my favourite is Leather Honey) and for shoes, something to seal it, like a polish. Unless you have treated them specifically to withstand water, you should not be getting leather shoes fully wet- if it looks like it will rain, wear something else.

Leather shoes are not all equal, the way that the leather top is attached to the sole determines how repairable a shoe is. Shoes with the sole glued to the leather upper are usually cheaper, and can be great for learning how to take care of leather if you buy them second hand, but the glue will eventually fail. You also can’t usually replace the soles on these shoes. Leather shoes with the upper stitched to the sole can be more repairable, but not always: some stitching requires very specialized machines, and so can’t be fixed by most local cobblers. The Goodyear welt is the gold standard stitching method, and it is generally considered the most repairable, though it is a bit more expensive.

If you’re buying leather new, learn the different types, as the naming isn’t intuitive at all. “Genuine” leather doesn’t mean anything other than that a product is made of real leather, and this is often really low quality. (Usually, full-grain leather is the highest quality, but there’s more to it that I don’t have time to get into)

I wear one of these every single day, and used to buy whatever synthetic one I could find.

Each one was about 20$, and I had to replace it about every year or so because it would start disintegrating.

I finally decided to get a leather one from NAB leather (this one) and it is:

Noticeably more solid and better built. Not just the leather but the hardware too, it has a nice weight to it

I’ve had it for a few years and it looks like new, even though I wear it every day.

Before, my belt was cracking and looking awful about half the year, before it got too damaged to wear and I had to replace it. I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

Surprisingly, the leather is more comfortable and flexible than the synthetic belts (I thought it would be stiffer)

It has a lifetime warranty. If it breaks at any point (which honestly I’d be surprised), I can get it fixed for free.

I was driving through Vermont with a friend, and we pulled over at a tiny shop offering Maple Items. We were on the state highway, not the interstate, so "pulling over" meant "squeezing my tiny car into a parking bay the size of a broad highway shoulder."

As we got out of the car, an older woman emerged from behind the building where she had been pruning her roses. She introduced herself as Tammy.

Her shop offered the promised variety of Maple, but also a number of small antiques and a plethora of dog figurines, plaques, and clearly-hand-stitched garden flags.

A huge purple ribbon hung on the wall behind the register, along with many pictures of small dogs. This was no county fair ribbon. It was the size of my torso. The material had the soft sheen of actual silk.

As I placed my purchases on the counter, I asked, "Do you... Breed dogs?"

Yes. She does. She has bred Yorkies for the last 40 years. Her mother bred Yorkies before her. The purple ribbon was from her national championship winning Yorkie.

You may be expecting that the infodump was going to be about Yorkies.

It was not.

It was about 40 years of drama in the Yorkie breeding community. Where – you must understand – the judging at shows is often about who you're in with, not about the dogs. This is especially true when Tammy's opponents win anything.

And Tammy's mother! Well. Phyllis has been on the Yorkie scene since Yorkies were invented. Because of this, many women of equally venerable age hold deep grudges against Phyllis. The sort of grudges that result in episodes of Midsommar Murders.

This led to deep injustices against Phyllis on the part of judges and prevented her dogs from winning so often she retired from the scene. Judging is all about who you're friends with, after all.

After 20 years in hiding, Phyllis – the One True Queen of Yorkie Breeding – hatched a plot. She may have been out of the show circuit, but she was still breeding dogs. She entered an absolutely perfect bitch in the national competition, but sent her with a handler rather than go in person.

None of the usurpers knew who this dog belonged to, and in dog-breeding circles this Does Not Happen. This could have resulted in further injustices, but Phyllis was crafty. She knew this tournament was being judged by a man from the UK, who knew naught of the drama in the US Yorkie Empire.

With these advantages – and being the best dog there – Phyllis's bitch won the highest honor at the show.

Incensed by this insult to their ill-gotten supremacy, the other owners descended on the handler after the show, demanding to know for whom he was working.

"Phyllis," said he.

The name of the overthrown queen evoked horror in the usurpers.

"PHYLLIS!? She's still ALIVE!???"

Yes, Phyllis yet lived, and this bitch – the dog, not the woman – went on to mother Tammy's current dogs. One of whom, Lucy-Fur, is the reincarnation of Tammy's sister (also Lucy). This is certain for two reasons.

Firstly, Sister Lucy absolutely went straight to Hell upon her death, and Lucy-Fur the dog is positively as evil as Sister Lucy was.

Not queerbait: A cookbook has no soup recipes. You assumed there would be some based on vibes and wishful thinking. No soups were ever advertised or promised.