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Unfortunately that is the way some people do. It might be the way they think it's better or can be that they were raised like that. Who knows.

I know it can be hard, especially if it affects your mental state, but work hard to overcome it, I know you can and don't let it bother you cause it's going to be worse. I know, it sucks.

Remember you are strong and you got this!

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~ It's okay not to have it figured out yet.~

You will always be worth it, don't listen to people that says otherwise or don't listen to your anxiety!

You were brought here for a reason, you are worth it ❤️

👇 little reminder today ❤️

Stay around those people 🌸

Day by day, one thing at a time and step by step.

Don't rush yourself, you'll make it worse. Just let it be!

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If you are having a hard time, read this and say it twice or more then twice if you have to.

Remember we all go through hard times, we just have to get through it. Easier said then done of course but you can do it, just don't quit!

Surround yourself by good people and that will help. Make sure that it's people that are actually there wether they understand or not. Even if they don't understand they'll do anything to help out.

You are enough 🌸🖤

No one will ever do it for you.

Do things that makes you happy, dream big.

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For anyone suffering please remember, you got this. You are a strong person who deserves everything in life.

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~ My life is far from being perfect, but I am grateful for what I have.~

Be thankful for what you have. Even if it doesn't seem like much, some people have it worse. I was already thankful but through the years and seeing where I came from, I am even more grateful that I am not where I used to be. I know it's hard, but trust me when I tell you this. You are going somewhere, keep going it's going to be alright.

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Easier said then done, I know. But your past is your past, it only gave you lessons. if stuck to your past, it will only give you anxiety for the future. I am personally one of them that my mind goes back down memory lane, and go to my past trauma. Obviously I am realizing when that happens I just get more anxiety and sometimes panic. When that happens I take deep breaths and try to do something to change my mind. It's hard but you can do it too!

Just believe.

~ Make it possible.~

01/04/21

This will not be my actual story BUT I feel like these types of diagnosis are not talked enough about. Because when I was younger at school the sex education was just plain explaining how it goes, says it might hurt the first time or two and some girls might bleed a little but that’s it. They don’t talk about Vaginismus, interfility, endometriosis, PCOS ETC. They don’t talk about any of that. I personally think they should, when I first because actually sexually active it was with my now fiance (that was 12 years ago now) we noticed that we couldn’t actually have intercourse or anything because it hurted too much, now I couldn't talk to my doctor about it because my mom always made sure she was at my appointments and it was not something I could talk to her about either, she always used to tell me that if “it hurts it’s not normal”. well trust me that is not what you say to your daughter but then again she was used to do remarks like that hoping I wouldn't do any of it. Anyways so at some point you just think your broken, your not normal, that there’s something wrong with you, that you’ll never be a mother and that you can’t do what your supposed to do. that basically goes for all diagnosis (maybe not all but most) and trust me it takes a toll on your mental health, you don’t want to talk about it or if you do they just say stuff like “oh just use more lube”, or “have a glass of wine” “just relax” trust me when I say this. NEVER just say stuff like that cause your making it worse, of course you might just want to help but that is not what it does.

2020

Seems that the year 2020 was hard on most people, but for me personally it was the best year I've had in a while to be honest. I mean with all the restrictions and the pandemic stuff and all it was a bit of an inconvenient for shopping etc but beside that. It was amazing.

Started working from home because of the pandemic, which made my health SO MUCH BETTER I had way less IBS fare ups ( I had a few but that's normal).

After about 10 years of suffering sexually it hurted way too much, me and the hubby wouldn't do anything because of it. At the end of 2019 my doctor finally took me seriously and sent me to a sexologist which within our first appointment she diagnosed me with vaginismus after 4 sessions I stopped going for a few reasons (I might explain another time) but I was so defeated because of it but at least I knew exactly what I had so I did some research and realized I could go to physio! So I went back to my doctor's and told her I wanted a reference for my insurance for physio in which she did. I started physio in May of 2020. I am still not cured but it is getting better, we can actually have intercourse without it hurting so much. Thankfully I have a partner who fully understood and supported me all these years instead of giving up. I love him to pieces. If you want a full story on this let me know!

Also per my last post, this year me and the hubby decided to take some time to our selves and actually spent time together this year, although working from home definitely helped! We finally re connected more then we had all these years.

Sometimes it's hard dealing with alot of things, when that happens take a step back and see what is happening. It might not be a choice that you like / love to do and it might makes you sad, but you have to do what is good for you and your relationship. Good friends / family members will understand.

So for me personally it was a good year and hopefully 2021 will be even better. For the ones that it didn't go as plan. Take it day by day and one step at a time. You got this. It will get better, remember that and be grateful for everything you have.

Self Care

I've noticed within the last year or so that self care is a must! You go through so many ups and downs that sometimes you just need to sit back, that a breather and realize that you matter too. When you take care or do everything for everyone else beside you, it can take a toll on you. Almost 4 years ago me and the hubby moved back in our home town and from Monday to Friday we would work and then on weekends we would go to my side of the family and also his. We never took time for each other and we didn't even take time alone. So it became hard on us mentally , physically and in over all our health too. So this pas year we've stayed home more then we ever did. Spent time together and honestly I've grown back so much mentally and finally starting to feel more like myself. Although I still have my days has I suffer from IBS, anxiety and bouts of depression here and there but I guess that's normal cause even someone who doesn't have anything mentally still have their days.

So tonight I took a nice long hot shower, and selfcared from head to toe. Washed my hair, shaved, and also it was my first time ever doing a body scrub. I honestly didn't even know what it was for when I received it at Christmas and I googled it and apparently it's good for the skin and the heart. I felt so much better after the shower! Bubble bath and sea salt will be for my next bath and I can't even wait to do it!

So in all honesty, even if it makes family members angry because your taking time for yourself and or as a couple, don't let that get you down cause trust me, at some point you will need it, before you put yourself down all the way to rock bottom.

Take care ❤️

Just wanted to hop on here and wish everyone a happy new year!

2020 for alot of people was a bad year but for me personally it was a very good year, so here's to hoping 2021 is even better!

I wish you all joy, health and everything you ever wanted.

Be thankful for what you have because some wish they had what you have, remember that!

Haven't posted in a while! Work and holidays keeping me busy!

Hoping everyone is doing well 😊

👇Have you taken a deep breath today? If not, now would be the time to do so! Take care of yourself.