#mental state

GUYS !! Cortis announced their tour !! Not that I can go anyways ,I'm happy but not entirely happy for the people who can go cause I'm kinda jealous of them yk .

I can't help but feel something else on the side , all cortis members are around my age , some even younger than i am and the talent they possess is actually crazyyy.....i am sitting in my room , drowning in assignments , projects i can't complete , deadlines i can't meet and most importantly expectations i can't fulfill , is it bad to want a break ? is it bad to want validation without the pressure sometimes ? is it bad that i want people to be proud of me even if i am not at the top of my class ? is it bad to want a life like cortis ? I know idol life isn't all what it looks like , it's toxic , tiring , draining and it chews your soul away piece by piece until there's nothing left , now idk about you guys but my real life rn sounds awfully familiar to that , if i was an idol , atleast I'd have friends who loved me like family , fans who stood by me and haters who bagged me that cash . That can't happen tho cause im the most talentless person i have ever known , I'm not good at anything , and if i am good at it I'm never good enough , everytime , everything i want slips from my fingers , just out of reach , my fingers brushing against it but never quite able to grasp it . My friends aren't my friends , people i would risk everything for dont even remember my birthday . Sometimes , i feel like this is it , my last straw , the breaking point , it's here , the one thing that always comes in between my peace is my love-hate relationship with loneliness . I like being lonely , just drown out my thoughts and listen to joyride or what you want , just lay still and forget about everything else including my own thoughts , but sometimes said thoughts are loud and im not strong enough to drown them , so now i dont wanna be alone anymore , i need someone who can silence them for me , but oh , i have no one , see , the vision is that if i was in a band , someone would come hold me , atleast for a while , but that's not the reality , that's not my reality .

I know many were convinced by the propaganda that Jedi were bad, but imagine being Mon Mothma, trying your best to fight against Palpatine and the empire, getting shut down, having people reject your proposals, no support even from your family, but then you choose to be brave, you join the rebellion, you take a risk, Only to be met with 3 Jedi ALREADY working with the rebels? That would instantly give me mental strength. Like holy shit, we have a chance.

Imagine being Bail, and knowing the Jedi on such a personal level , that you know they are out there, and that there is hope, because the Jedi are still out there, you know they are , and you know that evil cannot completely win as long as they are there.

Imagine being someone normal, who is getting abused by the empire, then you hear about Jedi. Jedi? You think they are myth, but you've heard the stories, you've heard the good, you know the Jedi will not refuse you if you ask for help. So you make plans to contact and be brave. It would instantly give me hope and mental strength, like all is not bad, there are people who can help, that the defenders of light are still out there.

Hell imagine being Ghorman, having your planet and culture and Life destroyed, then you decide to join the rebellion, because what else is there now, you can't do anything. But then you see it, Jedi among you. Instant mental boost.

I understand many people don't understand Jedi, think they are myth, 80% of the galaxy probably hasn't even met one, but simply knowing a Jedi is still out there would be enough to reingnite hope against the face of Imperial Tyranny.