A Journey Of Not Knowing

This is something I have been working on for a while now. Nothing too dramatic but, something that I have felt an urge to do. I am looking for more ways to reduce my plastic. I have a water bottle already. However, there were days I forgot and, if I wanted to treat myself to a different drink other than water I had to predict what I wanted that day! So there were days where I had to buy in a store and I found it more difficult.

It was during this time I had a look at the products I buy and bring into my home and it was this realisation that got me thinking, my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodrant are all in plastic bottles of some kind or plastic packaging! So I went on the hunt. I have a locally sourced soap company in my local herbalist and they are bringing out shampoo bars my Christmas. Christmas is a few months away, not long I know, but I want the change to start now. So I went on holiday in July and I wanted a light (physically) shampoo and it was then that I decided to look into shampoo bars elsewhere (for now). I found a brilliant range in Lush. There are plenty of different shampoo bars in there which I can personally recommend. The one I bought back in July has only just ran out! It lasted me much longer than my normal shampoo and this bar was actually a smaller version of the ones you purchase in Lush. The only issue I had was it didn't match my hair or scalp type. So I've gone back, I have not given up! I have since bought a different one, more suited to my hair and scalp type and already I can feel a difference in the weight of my hair! The advice and the time the staff spend with you in there is amazing! Whilst in was in Lush I saw that they do conditioner bars!! I didn't even know they existed! So, naturally, I bought one, again with specialist advice to match my hair! So far so good. 2 bottles down now in my bathroom.

Although it may seem small, it is a huge change for me. Its got me thinking more long term and more economic. I want to help the environment and the fish to thrive not be surrounded by our nonsense and rubbish. Whilst I was on holiday I visited a beach and it was the first time I had seen first hand the way that us as humans are ruining the face of our planet and our seas. There was literally bottles on the beach everywhere from litter but also some washed in by the sea. Now this was nothing in comparison to the videos you see but it was enough for me to see I need to make my difference, no matter how small.

An added bonus of the shampoo and conditioner bars is that they look so much nicer in my bathroom and take up so little space! It looks great! I am so excited now to use my shampoo and conditioner and see that not only does this help the environment but, it is helping me personally by saving me space and serving me aesthetically by looking so nice on the eye. Another bonus is that it saves me so much money too!! They last much longer and so you naturally spend less money on other products! (Can you tell I'm excited by this?!)

All I can say is, if you're in doubt just try. Try to make small changes as if we all make small changes no matter what the reason, whether that be for yourself to gain more space and look nicer or for the environment, maybe even both, please give it a try. Together if we all make a small difference, we can make a huge impact.

My next step to reduce my plastic is to buy soap from an ethically and organically sourced producer that is plastic free and does not test on animals rather than purchase body wash from a store! I will reduce my plastic waste and it will also help me day to day too!

The steps can be difficult but once you find a way there's no stopping you!

Lately I've not been feeling right. Feeling lethargic, unable to motivate myself and not feeling me (whatever that is). So far I have found myself looking and searching endlessly for an 'answer' to the 'problem' I have. Right now I don't even think there is an answer.

Bear with me as I know this sounds pessimistic.

I have started to think that maybe I get bored to easily. That maybe I am searching for something that doesn't exist or is out of my control. But now I am feeling I need to look at this from an opposite angle. Although I am not feeling myself I am finding where I do feel myself. Noticing when I am feeling my best, noticing what I am doing when I am feeling my best. Right now there are things that I cannot control. Dreams that are yet to be achieved but I am well on my way to achieving. I am noticing what I don't want in my life vs what I do want. How I want to live and what makes me happier.

I am noticing now that the idea of travel and seeing new things really appeals to me. This idea that there are places and people I am yet to meet and see excites me! This idea that in fact what I want to be, counsellor and psychotherapist, is transferable to anywhere on this planet. A qualification is great but who I am as a person makes me me. I know my skills lie in being curious, I have a natural empathy and understanding and when I am able to help someone it makes me feel amazing! When I am able to give time to myself and do what I love i.e. yoga, travel, spending time with loved ones, planning ahead and thinking of my end goal of gets me excited and motivated.

I thrive on experiences and when I cannot get experiences I start to struggle. What makes it worse is in situations when I cannot do anything about it. I will change that and I will get to where I want to and I know it will take time. It'll be worth it.

I need to invest in myself and be confident in what I do best! Own it and act on it.

We all need motivation and we all get down. Now I need to focus on how to come back up.

P. ❤

This year so far it has been a conscious decision to try to ensure I am using less plastics and to try to reduce my personal carbon foot print. This has been going very well so far. I have bought bamboo toothbrushes to replace my plastic one that has now gone. I have been using my own lunchbox every day as well as my own hot drink flask.

This has been making me very proud of myself and has been a nice personal goal to be achieving. Something I have noticed though is the guilt/disappointment that comes when you buy something that has plastic in. For example, a few weeks back I bought a meal deal as I had forgotten my packed lunch. I thought to myself, it's only a one off, it's cardboard anyway (I wanted a sandwich). However, when I got there I was astounded that everything that was available had plastic on it! Now this is something I had not noticed before. This reminded me of awareness. The choice to not have plastic was just taken from me! This is something I had never noticed before.

Awareness to me is huge for everything. Raising the profile on things like mental health, personal care, physical health as well as plastic consumption and just how much we use it and the impact it is having. I just couldn't believe that the choice I made to not use plastic was taken away from me just because big companies still use plastic for everything. Now I am not blaming them per se, I could have left and found a local sandwich shop with no plastics to wrap my lunch in. The issue was, I was not in a familiar place and without the local knowledge, my time was restricted as well as my price range. Also, the alternatives to plastic are few are far between and innovation and new ideas needs to be created to get this movement in motion!

No excuse I know.

But this is where I think it is important to raise the awareness to let others start to think like myself. Do I need to buy to bottle? If so can I reuse it throigh the day rather than buying several in a day? Can I take my own lunch rather than buying a meal deal and getting 3 items each with plastic as packaging? Small questions and life style changes like this is the start of something bigger. The start of saving the planet and allowing wildlife to swim free from plastics and to stop us destroying our planet's natural beauty.

It is time for awareness to become more on everything! Be mindful or your surroundings. Remember, a small lifestyle change can change something much bigger.

As beautiful as the snow has been and still is, it is also a very scary time. I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing the snow and watching it build up. But today was the first time I have had to drive in it. Today was also the first time I have ever had my car slide! It was nerve racking but you know the feeling, let's try to get into work, I have stuff to do etc.

But this got me thinking, what about those less fortunate than ourselves. What about people who are not fortunate to have a home to go to? I am laid in bed writing this post, all snuggled up and yet there are people outside sleeping in the bitter -4/5 degrees and having to 'deal with it'.

Then tonight this video popped up on my social media telling you about an app called 'Street Link' that you can download for free to report when you see a homeless person to try to get them extra support. The best part is, it's free so all it takes is your time and compassion to download this app and keep it in mind for those on the streets!

This snow has took my gratitude to a whole new level knowing I have somewhere to go, with people who love me and I love them and I have plenty to keep me safe and warm. Please take the time to try to show support in the smallest of ways. Caring is free.

Be kind, Be safe and support others! ❤

As most of us know it was Pancake Day yesterday (shove Tuesday to be precise). This is hands down my favourite day as it excuses me stuffing my face with pancakes and having the most sweetest toppings on and not feeling guilty after (at least I don't).

But, each year I always give something up for lent. Lent is a period of 40 days and 40 night's where you sacrifice something you love to eat or an activity in order to remember Jesus fasting in the desert for the greater good and the people. However, lent is now commercial to a lot of us and people commence in lent without knowing the true meaning; which isn't a problem. I give up at least one thing for myself then two joint things for me and a loved one. I tried giving meat up last year (excluding fish) which I loved. It really allowed me to see just how much meat we do eat and most of the time it is aimlessly. Have you ever heard someone justify the amount of meat they eat by saying 'its not a meal without meat'! Well once upon a time that was me too.

When I decided to go meat free (correct term pescatarian) last year I thougt I was going to struggle so much and buckle, but I didn't. I actually got into the swing of things and really looking at what food I was buying and starting to ask questions to myself like, am I actually enjoying this? Why do I want this? And you know what, it brought up a lot for me! I actually realised I don't enjoy a lot of stuff like chicken sandwiches unless smothered in mayonnaise, sometimes beef can feel too much for me and steak (which is my weakness) actually tastes better when you don't have it as often. So this year I am trying it again!

This year I am going to go meat free again but this time not as a test but fully embracing it! This time I am going to cook more vegetarian meals which I have already looked into. Change up some meals that I have now with meat in and find a meat free substitute for it! This year I want to do it even more than I did last year but enjoy it.

I found after last year I felt so much better and had a lot more energy which surprised me. I also started to think a lot more about the animals and how much meat we eat meat aimlessly. I looked into alternative foods for iron and also how much food I enjoy that is meat free and I didn't even know! Such as Dahl (Indian food), vegetarian sweet and sour, egg fried rice! Foods that I always used to say 'I have to have meat in this'!

I also found huge appreciation how much vegetarians go through each day sourcing food that didn't have meat in. For example did you know Haribo have meat in?! Well crushed bugs in to solidify the sweet! This literally horrified me as they are my favourite sweets! So I found vegetarian sweets. This year I have found out Aldi or Lidl do a full range of vegetarian sweets and so do M&S! Which by the way taste amazing.

Little things like this where we change our lifestyle for the better and also makes us more aware makes me feel so grateful to be able to do this kind of thing and have the opportunity to try. I feel so lucky and excited for this new journey and I am already thinking about what I can cook next. Quorn this year may become my new best friend.

So let's see how this journey goes and I'll look forward to coming out the other end and seeing how much of a difference 40 days and 40 nights make! Lent for me can be a time to reconnect, not only to others but myself and let's me reflect on what I want!

Oh and if you don't know what lent is, refer to the picture for a super brief description!

Gratitude. What is that?!

Definition: 'the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.' Oxford Dictionary (no date).

A little deep for a Monday morning right? Who has time for thinking like this anyway?! Well this is exactly my thoughts.

I had a really deep and meaningful conversation with a loved one last night. Talking about what we want to do, what we want from life, what were struggling with...all the things in the future really. But then it occurred to me, a lot of the unhappiness, anxiety and other 'worries' stem from what we want, what we can't have or what we might not even be able to have. But what about what we already have? When do we ever stop to think about what we already have and what we are thankful for right now?!

I feel we just look at the external things to make us happy but what about us. How can we make ourselves happy. How can we strive for actual happiness that isn't measured from outside sources.

Then I came to my conclusion...gratitude is where I think is the starting point.

So what are you grateful for?!

Some suggestions:

♡ family

♡ pets

♡ friends

♡ a home

♡ the sun

♡ breathing

♡ coming out from winter

♡ life itself

Short but sweet to get you thinking! ♡

This week has been an up and down kind of week. I completed my 30 days of yoga so I felt really good about myself. My body feels great, my minds feels settled and overall feeling positive. I then handed my first assignment in for my masters which is amazing. I felt liberated, organised and over the moon.

Then, I have been faced with the concept of failing. The idea of, what does failing even mean? I suppose what I'm contemplating is, is there such a thing as 'failing'? Do we really ever fail or is is just a hard way of learning something that you don't realise you want or need to learn? Do we actually fail something or is it a pressure we put on ourselves and a way to measure ourselves that make us feel either really good or bad about ourselves.

So this week I got the news I narrowly failed an oral exam for my masters. I cannot help but disagree and this has been backed up by others. However, this got me thinking. Why is it I feel so bad about this? I would even use the word distraught and angry about the situation. I was mortified and it is something that scares me, the idea of failing. However, I don't know what I am scared of. Am I scared of failing, am I scared of other people's views or am I scared of the unknown of what will happen if I fail? It's really got me pondering. The thoughts of how much we make ourselves try to live up to a certain standard and when we don't meet it the devastation it can bring. This week, I can really feel this.

This week this news have effected my mood. I have felt down, I want to both recluse as well as to run away from all my problems at the same time. How can these two feelings live in one person at the same time?! But this makes me feel and wonder how much this effects our mental health. How much we claim to be fine on the surface but inside we are struggling and scared of failing this imaginary, unnecessary mark that society puts on us to conform in such a way. It's made me think, is it worth it? Is this something I want to be a part of? The answer to both is yes!

I want to reach my dream, which I know I will. However, I know this journey will be hard. It will take a long time for me to get to where I need to get to but it is attainable. It has also made me more determined to achieve my goal. But it has also made me ponder something else...

What am I supposed to learn from this? Am I supposed to learn from this at all? Are these experiences and intense feelings something I need to take note of and be present in the moment to use later on in life? Is this something I am needing to be mindful of and put a mental pin in for myself and be able to pass on my experience in the future? Or am I supposed to not know and go with the flow? Am I supposed to learn to to be happy with the unknown?

Or is all of these feelings mere nonsense?

Who knows....