#personal journey

They say ignorance is no longer an excuse in this day and age, yet for the longest time, I was willfully ignorant about trans rights and the lived experiences of transgender people. Before my perspective began to shift, I viewed trans identity almost entirely through a medical lens, as a matter of hormonal imbalance. Back then, genuine media representation was scarce. When trans characters actually appeared on screen, they were almost always framed through a reductive, comedic lens.

I don't think today cuz I've already been doing some hardcore stuff mentally and that's taken energy but...Maybe eventually, idk.

There is a question that has followed humanity for centuries: Do things happen for a reason, or do we simply create reasons after they happen? I don’t think there is one universal answer. Life is far more complex than a simple “yes” or “no.” Over time, my own experiences have changed the way I think about this question.Life Doesn’t Come With Explanations When something good happens, we often…

If someone had asked me a year ago if I’d ever be creating music, I probably would’ve laughed. It wasn’t part of the plan. Originally, making songs was just an experiment. I wanted to create music our gaming community could use for montages, highlight reels, and stream clips. I thought it would be something fun to try—a way to add a little more personality to our content. I didn’t expect to…

I’m writing this for two reasons. First, it’s a note to myself, a way to document this journey and remember how far I’ve come. Second, it’s for any woman who finds herself walking a similar path.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.

If something doesn’t feel right, don’t stop searching for answers. Find a provider who listens, who values your input, and who is willing to work with you, not just treat you.

I tried the natural and homeopathic route. While those approaches have their place, they simply couldn’t replace what my body was no longer producing. For me, hormone replacement therapy became an essential part of healthy aging. Every woman’s journey is different, but I hope sharing mine reminds someone that help does exist.

This is the story of how I found my way back to myself.

Growing Through It 🌻

Hormones • Hope • Healing

July 28, 2027

The last few years have been an absolute bitch. Perimenopause and menopause are not for the weak.

Last October, I made the decision to stop simply surviving menopause and start intentionally healing. My goal wasn’t just to lose weight. It was to get my body back.

Menopause hit me harder than I ever imagined. One of the biggest surprises was the severe musculoskeletal pain. I had no idea low estrogen could affect the body that way. The aches, stiffness, and severe pain slowly became part of everyday life.

A few years ago, I was placed on hormonal pellets by a doctor who told me that because I was in menopause, my PCOS (now referred to as PMOS) would no longer be an issue. Absolute BS. Not only was that untrue, but the pellets he prescribed were not a good fit for my body at all. I experienced a huge spike in hormones after placement, followed by a rapid decline, with no way to adjust or control dosing. I didn’t feel like myself, and I didn’t feel like I had any real say in what was happening inside my own body. Looking back, I felt like the financial incentive to sell pellets overshadowed any discussion of other treatment options.

Eventually, I stopped going. I felt unheard and unsupported, and I gave up for a while. He made me feel like I was sabotaging myself … I was the problem. No matter what I ate, I kept gaining weight, and I felt stuck. Then a friend reminded me of a practice that focuses on balancing patients as they age. I made an appointment that same day and was able to get in that afternoon due to a cancellation.

That experience was the complete opposite of what I had known before. At my first appointment, I was finally able to unload everything I had been carrying. I felt heard. I felt supported.

Today, I work with a hormone specialist who actually listens to me. She allows me to adjust my estrogen and testosterone based on how I feel, not just lab numbers. I also have access to a compound pharmacy, and together we’ve been making thoughtful, gradual changes, one step at a time, giving my body space to respond before adjusting anything further.

That level of control has been a game changer. For the first time, I feel like I’m participating in my own care instead of just being along for the ride.

Yesterday was another follow-up. We made what I hope are the final tweaks to my hormone therapy, and for the next 30 days we’ll see if one remaining symptom improves. And no, it’s not my libido … my libido is high. If my symptom doesn’t improve, we’ll increase my progesterone. It’s a process, but I’m finally in a place where I feel hopeful instead of frustrated. The combination of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone therapy has truly been my saving grace.

Another huge piece of the puzzle has been nutrition.

Working with my nutritionist has completely changed the way I think about fueling my body. I wasn’t eating enough, my meal timing was off, and I was severely lacking in protein and fiber. Such simple adjustments have made an incredible difference in my energy, how I feel day to day, and even the number on the scale. I spent another wonderful hour with her yesterday fine-tuning my plan before I head back to work next month. Since December, I’ve lost 36 pounds of menopausal weight.

This week, packages are arriving at my front door because… I need new work clothes.

The ones hanging in my closet don’t fit anymore.

And for the first time in a very long time, that’s a really good problem to have.

This journey has never been just about weight loss. It’s been about healing, strength, mobility, balance, and finding myself again.

For the first time in years, I feel like I’m getting closer to the woman I remember. My energy has increased. I want to work out again. My brain feels like all the cylinders are finally clicking.

Lessons learned: Food timing matters. Eating enough matters.

This week reminded me that health isn’t just about the number on the scale. It’s about fueling my body, having more energy, building strength, and creating habits I can sustain for the long haul.