Apple Apple Apple

preview snippet from Chapter 18 of Pressure Without Direction.

The other day, the intern and I are out at Subway. Van saying "lift trucks" comes by. Picture on the side? You guessed it. Forklift.

"Skip," my intern explains - I don't like to be called boss, and he's nice and doesn't do that - "that's what the manufacturers want us to call them now. A forklift is too reductive, obscures nuance. Imagine if you had a huge shop full of these things, you'd need to know the difference between a reach truck and a stacker."

He makes an excellent point, which I admit by silently chewing on my Mesquite Chicken Power Bowl. I have ordered it meticulously, in order to accommodate my unique dietary needs. Some people think that's unimportant, and I should just get one of the combos and not explain myself to the Sandwich Artist every time. They're wrong, it's critical that I be recognized for who I am. Safer for everyone, too.

#if only he would make the voice deepinator... #would definitely steal that.

Oh no no Dr. Doofenshmirtz goes the other route. He makes his dysphoria everyone ELSES problem.

"Voice-Inator", purpose, "makes everyone elses voice higher, making his seem lower by comparison". Honestly incredible. It's trans AND its evil

Then we have the Bread-Inator, which doesn't SEEM trans coded since it just turns whatever it hits into Bread, but.

"He plans to destroy the statue of Rutherford B. Hayes, the U.S. President with the best beard of them all, by turning it into bread, which will then be eaten by a swarm of hungry magpies that Doof has ready to release. The plan arose because Doofenshmirtz was jealous of people who could grow facial hair and he couldn't."

VERY NEXT EPISODE, Ugly-inator, expressly because of self image problems. Which should be noted he later does again with a handsome setting, which makes him typically masculine-handsome temporarily.

Ballgown-inator, EXPRESSLY to make himself "look manlier in comparison". Really can't state enough he is making his dysphoria EVERYONE'S problem, in true mad scientist fashion.

I didn't even remember this one I'm just scrolling trying to find the moustache one.

Also when he gets turned into a were-cow he has udders. I'm not even hitting backstories this is just off the phineas and ferb wiki entry for -inators.

Okay found the moustache-inator, which ironically enough he's just using because he thinks it's funny to put giant mustaches on people, but the "resents not growing facial hair" tells me this is definitely at least PARTIALLY personal use, cmon now.

And that's the one I was finding so I'm not checking the rest of the -inators, and again this isn't even getting into his.

Extensive childhood backstories.

The non-kosher and non-halal paintings are a smash hit! After much, much debate between religious scholars, we have come to the conclusion that there is simply no consensus on whether our enchanted meals break kosher/halal or not. Therefore, we have decided to simply supply guests with a pamphlet written by our focus group of religious scholars, and guests can decide for themselves whether shellfish counts as shellfish if it's technically made out of oil paint.

Next week we will be unveiling our newest masterpiece: the Butcher's Picnic! For this painting, we commissioned a local environmentalist and animal rights activist, who assures us that all of the materials in this piece are 100% plant and mineral based. Indulge in a gorgeous array of barbeque, roasts, burgers, fried meat, stews, steaks, and tartare while confident in the knowledge that absolutely no animals were harmed in the making of this feast.

Ever wanted to eat a food that will kill you? Well, now you can! Come visit our Poison Table, which boasts a carefully curated array of deadly mushrooms, berries, and vegetables. Patrons may not spend more than 10 minutes at the Poison Table per day. ABSOLUTELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

Starting this week, patrons must sign a waiver agreeing that any negative results from their own allergies are entirely their responsibility. That said, we have updated our allergy protocol! All patrons here to circumvent a serious allergy must alert gallery staff to said allergy before indulging, so that we can yank them out if things get too serious. Please also alert us if you have a Fantasy EpiPen. We have also explained the signs of anaphylactic shock to all of the figures who live in our paintings and they've agreed to be on the lookout.

happy pride month 🩷 had to draw this scene as it canonically happened…