This is quite a weird ask, and you're free to delete this if you're uncomfortable to answer.
How do you know you're asexual?
I have been a bit questioning myself this past few days and slowly having the realization I might be ace, but I don't know whether I actually am or just labeling myself.
I have thought about myself getting railed (lmao), and I feel normal, if not just a bit uninterested. I love to read smut, there's a few kinks that I'm interested in, but when I accidentally stumbled upon actual porn, I thought "wow, it's a lot less sexy than I thought it would be". Like I can't imagine that activity actually brings pleasure to me.
It might just be because I had never done it before, not even by myself, so I don't know how it feels to be turned on. I never have thoughts about doing any of it, though. I have thought myself as a demisexual because of it, since maybe it's because I don't want to just do it with someone I can't trust, but even with the friend I have a crush on, I can't imagine myself doing it. In fact, I feel wrong to even think that way.
I did consider myself ace when I first knew about the LGBTQIA+, but then I disregarded it because "I am okay with the thought of having sex, so I can't be ace", even though now I know that asexuality is a spectrum.
It's probably not that important in the long run because it won't matter to anyone except me, but it's just been on my mind for a while.
hi anon!! not a weird ask at all!!
personally honestly me figuring out i was ace felt less like a singular Oh I'm Ace moment and more like me first trying on, so to speak, the ace label and then constantly having it validated by like, very Ace Experiences kBKSBDFSFS.
one of the earliest things that clued me into my asexuality is a bit similar to yours, i just Do Not Like The Idea Of Real Actual Sex AT ALL. like smut with fictional characters is fine, i love that. daydreams of getting railed by blorbo i love is fine too, i love that. but Real Sex With A Real Person? the thought didnt just have me disinterested, it had me actively recoiling away ššš like i do not wanna do that ššš
i also experience the lack of sexual attraction for real people. i find some people BEAUTIFUL HOT GORGEOUS ofc thats the bi side of me but like the sexual attraction bit is where theres a whole lotta nothing going on for me. like wow i can think someone is handsome as hell but let's keep all our clothes on please.
it was actually pretty confusing for me to realize i was ace because unlike u, i have gotten turned on before. often and regularly, mostly due to my nefarious uterus cycle. and also i do jerk it lol. but it's always for fictional things. never the thoughts of reality where i would be an actual participant. that was another marker that helped me realize, the very clear line in my mind and my libido: horny for fictional sex! not horny for real sex.
even if youre okay with the thought of having sex, you could still be on the ace spectrum!! i personally am a sex repulsed ace but there are sex neutral and sex positive asexuals too. the experience is broad and infinitely nuanced.
so i guess at the end of the day, the question is less "am i really ace?"
and more of "does identifying as ace make me feel more comfortable and more like who i really am?"
because thats what these labels should ideally be. theyre not tests, theyre markers that should help you discover and empower who you are.
i hope something in this response is helpful anon <3
