look at my kittens
I will, thank you
I love them ♥️
show them to me!!!
dirt enthusiast
h

ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON

Janaina Medeiros

Andulka

shark vs the universe
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
🪼

Love Begins

#extradirty
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

JBB: An Artblog!
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
styofa doing anything
taylor price

Origami Around
Cosimo Galluzzi
Three Goblin Art
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

seen from Belarus

seen from United States
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seen from Türkiye
seen from Russia
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seen from France

seen from Germany

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@onemillionspiders
look at my kittens
I will, thank you
I love them ♥️
show them to me!!!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Marvel really fumbled Blade so bad Mahershala Ali said okay I'm gonna do my own Blade knockoff and make him muslim. and it fucks.
This music is autoplaying and doubling and tripling over itself when I open tumblr
wtf
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
Why does tumblr have music playing when I open it
If I scroll far enough a second track starts playing over the first one and my dash started chugging

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Here they are! Who would you choose?
it came to me in a vision
Been thinking about hot rod horseshoe crab all day
My ultimate goal was to make and paint it in real life. Thank you all for believing in me!
i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject
a woman holding her boob should be considered a neutral pensive gesture like when a man scratches his beard
"Kill them with kindness" Nah, fuck that, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK* 🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏
“Kill them with kindness”
Nah, fuck that, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*
🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
This opens up a lot of possibilities for what a haiku can be

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Why does tumblr have music playing when I open it
god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage
Mystery Inc. meet Holmes and Watson!
I am having a lot of fun with this Victorian Scooby Doo au!!
dashboard simulator
mutual 1: i have to quit my job
mutual 2: i have to quit my job
mutual 3: i have to quit my job
mutual 4: i have to quit my job
mutual 5: i have to quit my job
mutual 6: i have to quit my job
mutual 7: i have to quit my job
mutual 8: need to peel him like a banana
mutual 9: i have to quit my job
mutual 10: i have to quit my job
me when they call my name at mcdonals (i am approaching the counter)
here you go sir
thank you

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i do think a lot of implausible medieval plot devices make more sense when considering the fact that these people simply did not have glasses
like the king arthur problem of how were these people always accidentally sleeping with the wrong person? well 1) no glasses 2) no lights and candles are so expensive 3) royal couples didn’t even sleep in the same bed a lot of the time anyway 4) arranged marriage how much do you really know your spouse anyway? maybe not very well a lot of the time 5) people are drinking a lot idk. maybe not as absurd as one might think
this post is brought to you by the one time i woke up at a sleepover and realized that without my glasses i could not distinguish one friend from the other. haunting. all of arthurian literature was unlocked to me at that moment
This very much applies to Shakespeare (I think we all underestimate how extremely dark it was in the past)
Also. Siblings (or other relatives) with horribly similar voices.
Of course you'd never WANT to mistake your spouse's sibling for them in the dark but it HAS to have happened on occasion
*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?
Bro what the fuck did they do to Neil Josten
people accidentally stumbling across the aftg fandom while they’re posting unhinged jokes that hilariously fit the characters well is a niche genre, but i hope it grows