Uncanny Cerulean

In light of some of the many things happening across the world this year, I thought this Pride Month needed a special illustration.

One day you will be sitting at your desk, crying, as you whisper “I’m nonbinary” for the first time.

And then you’ll blink and suddenly it’s been two years and you go to see a resident at work and she tells you “the physio said a man would come and see me today” and the man is you, and even though it was accidental you’ll feel such a rush of joy.

And you’ll message a friend to tell them about the anniversary and the resident and they will make you want to cry all over again, but happy tears this time.

I need you to know, it gets better. Not everything and not always. But it will get better. You will find words and clothes and actions that make you feel an incandescent joy, and you will find people who will only ever see you as you.

It’s been four years and it feels like a lifetime but also just yesterday.

It’s been four years and sometimes all you can see is all the places you haven’t gotten to yet. All the ways you still feel as trapped and scared as you were in 2022. And then your DMs will fill with emojis and cheers and reminders of how far you’ve come.

It’s been four years and there are people who know your chosen name, not just online but in places where you get to hear it out loud.

It’s been four years and the world feels even scarier than it did then but queer joy is defiance and revolution and so you keep the flame burning.

It’s been four years and you don’t know where you’re going but you realise that where you are now is somewhere you didn’t dare dream of being four years ago.

It’s been four years and some days it feels like it’s gotten worse but I promise you it’s gotten better. And it will keep getting better.