general nuisance (not sorry about all the cats)

This is a commission for @sweatersinthesummer for a scene from the absolutely wonderful fic Watch the Castles Burn by @moonflower-rose

I’m unable to cope. I’m verklempt. I’m having palpitations. I’m going to cry in front of my family and the hash browns. I can’t believe this is real.

This is actually just magnificent. It’s a dream come true. I’m being so inadequate right now but this is seriously seriously beautiful and I’m sucker punch delirious about it right now.

@saijordison HOW is this the first time I’m ever seeing your art??? This is exquisite, holy shit dude, holy shit. Incredible. I’m a fan for life. You nailed this, this is absolutely what was in my head. I’m stunned.

@sweatersinthesummer I am just amazed by your generosity and I’m going to have to cry about this for ages now. What a start to 2025. I’ve made this promise privately before about all your wonderful @sits-bound creations but now I need to publicly declare not only my undying loyalty but also I’m going to write you something epic in 2025 even if it takes me the whole fricken year!

the heist beat to pimp a butterfly at the grammys

thrift shop made it impossible for him to wear his fur coat without it being labeled as “ironic”

when he told his mama that he wanted to kiss maxim in the third grade she told him never to repeat that and signed him up for more hockey but sure, must have been so hard to like drawing

HUDSON WILLIAMS APPRECIATION WEEK

watching the clock and SWEATING because he doesn't have rozanov's number atp obviously so he can't text "HEY MY MOM IS HERE. CANCEL IT. CANCEL IT ALL. DO NOT COME UP HERE.", but yuna can read that Something is up with shane, so she's even less likely to want to leave him, so she's actually stretching this out LONGER trying to figure out if shane is just really nervous about this new brand or something and honey, did someone say something today? do i need to kill someone?

and shane is pulling out EVERY ounce of deception he has never consciously had to use on his mom before to just get her OUT. he doesn't even have time to fuck around with his outfit because he needs her to GO. in a moment of ABSOLUTE fucking desperation he says he feels sick and retreats to the bathroom and pours some water in the toilet so it sounds like he's puking, but he WAY overshot this one because now no WAY is she leaving.

which means ilya still knocks on the door.

and it's YUNA who answers.

ilya's whole body takes a screenshot.

and shane in the bathroom atp heard the door open, so he almost hits himself in the face with the bathroom door trying to get out and do...

what, exactly?

so they're now in this WILD three way standoff, and yuna is being polite about it but is clearly 'what the FUCK are you doing here?' and shane genuinely for a moment thinks his mom is about to find out that he was not only about to have sex, but he was about to have GAY SEX.

nope.

"sorry, i forgot i asked if he wanted to come up later and watch the game"

"what game is on tonight?"

*shane aol dial-up noises*

ilya jumping in because oops guess this is a group project now, taking a WILD swing in the dark based on something that was on a tv in a bar he snuck into a couple of weeks ago: "uh, cars. car racing."

"you two are going to watch...nascar?"

ilya, has never heard the word nascar in his life: "yes. sounds very interesting. i love...nascars."

yuna ends up leaving the room so they can...watch?? nascar???....but also shane has never been less turned on in his fucking LIFE.

they actually do end up talking because now shane is paranoid his mom is going to be in the hall watching and waiting to catch him in a lie, and the more nervous he gets about it, the more lowkey ilya is worrying about it, too, so they do actually end up spending a chunk of time together.

then the raiders shoot a PSA for the boston library. it’s the first time ilya’s been in a library since he was a child. and he simply cannot handle the librarians. they spend an extra hour filming because ilya stutters whenever someone with glasses asks him a direct question. he misspells his own name while getting a library card when the man helping him rebuttons the top of his collared shirt. he tries to flirt with a woman reshelving books by asking her what the numbers on the spines mean and if he can get hers; she doesn't clock his pick-up line and explains the dewey decimal system to him for ten minutes. ilya blushes the entire time.