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we're not kids anymore.
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@unapologetically-descriptivist

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The iron hook slid free from his shoulder with a wet metallic shriek. Something black and arterial splashed across the stones between them.
The torturer stepped back instinctively. Not out of mercy. Out of surprise. The prisoner laughed. Not loudly. Worse than loudly. Softly. Like he had just remembered a private joke older than civilization.
βYou still think pain is a language,β he said.
Another blow. This time across the mouth. Teeth cracked. Blood sheeted down his chin in long ribbons.
The interrogator hissed through clenched teeth. βTell me where God went.β
The prisoner turned his head slowly. There was blood in his smile now.
βThere are organisms,β he said, βliving beneath Antarctic ice that have never seen the sun and have still learned how to eat.β
The room had gone very still. Somewhere in the dark, machinery groaned.
The interrogator grabbed him by the jaw hard enough to bruise bone.
βYou think this makes you immortal?β
The prisoner spat a clot of red onto the floor between them.
βNo,β he whispered.
βI think it makes you temporary.β
The torches flickered.
For one impossible second, the interrogator became aware of his own pulse. The heat in his veins. The soft wetness of his eyes. The damp animal electricity inside every living thing. The prisoner watched realization bloom across his face and smiled wider, blood running between his teeth.
βYou cannot threaten a creature from the dirt,β he said, βwith returning to the dirt.β
β excerpt from Shit I Just Made Up To Exemplify How All This Tumblr Prose Sounds
Tags from @somebodytolove31
#ok well aside of the dialogue i think its good#βnot loudly. worse than loudly. softlyβ is very very good im sorry to say#either you failed op or i have bad taste#maybe both
Honestly... Perhaps what's going on here is that at no point are we discussing "What makes writing good".
This piece was emotionally powerful.
The mix of dialog and scenery helped pull me in.
The metaphors were unusual and yet fullly parsable. hell, I could feel the *threat* from the prisoner's description of the creatures in the artic ice.
The emotional crisis from the interrogator felt.
And through all this, we are left with a sense of being foreign to the scene, despite being able to fully understand it. We're invited in to both perspectives - the perspective of the interrogator who must face an emotional reality he was wholey unprepared for, and the perspective of a prisoner who has accepted and welcomes what to come. Who has clearly delt with and is prepared to deal with hardships and GAH!!!
Okay enough jushing, I had a point -
This writing feels "Good" because it is "Emotionally effective" If writing is about communicating, then this piece is powerful because it certainly communicates!
One might argue it's not "good" in an accademic sense. But honestly? TO HELL WITH THAT!
Acadamia exists to help us understand what is, and how we might use it. It does not get to make the determination for us what is good or bad. If we are brought along with the piece, and get to be brought into the experience, does that not make the piece worthwhile? Does that not mean that, if a piece appears bad in an academic sence, that it is the academics who have missed something?
This fake exceprt captured so much in the short amount of time it had with us. Sure, there are rough parts, but even the rough parts contribute towards delivering the scene's setting, stakes and message!
Honestly, if there is any failing in this piece, it's that it failed to impart the message the author was attempting to capture because it was being too good at emulating the works that it was inspired by. The author must have understood, on a subconcous level if not the councous level, what it is that drives a piece to capture the attention of Tumblr users, and they captured that well. In doing so, they ironically undermined their own goals of highlighting the issues with this kind of writing.
Ok I'm gonna reply with the discussion I had with friends about this piece because they put it in words better than I can. Yes writing doesn't have to be academically good and you don't need to be a good writer but I think you're limiting yourself by not analyzing why a piece feels "off" for someone else when it's fine for you
Also there is an annoying amount of . where there should be commas and its pissing me off but thats a nitpick
This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but itβs also kind of an amazing two-line poem? βHis Wife has filled his house with chintzβ is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and βchintzβ is a perfect word choice hereβsonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then βto keep it real I fuck him on the floorβ collapses that whole mood with short percussive soundsβbut itβs still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8
I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct
I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.
This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.
As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: βfuck him on the floor.β The use of βchintzβ is indeed great word choice.
Because Iβm insane, decided to scan the poem:
Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.
There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of βkeep it realβ juxtaposed with βchintz.β It causes me to interpret the βchintzβ more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of βfuck,β which is a contrast with βchintzβ but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where βchintzβ is flimsy and inanimate.
And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is βfilled with chintzββsomething that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with βkeep it real.β
The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wifeβs marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something βreal.β Thatβs a story, and itβs just two lines.
This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, yβall. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.
From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.
Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something
there's art now
Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn't been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.
Iβd also like to point out the use of the word βhas.β The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isnβt filling the house with chintz. She doesnβt fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.
This is my new favourite post in the world
everyone cheer for the one (1) time tumblr had reading comprehension
And, predictably, it's because it was about gay sex
the moral of hamlet is donβt ever try to go home and resolve conflicts with yr family just stay at college and do gay shit w ur friends
As an English teacher I am qualified to tell you this analysis is insightful and may be supported fully with textual evidence.
it's always a good day to complain about English speakers
Important addition: Maria SkΕodowska-Curie was born during partitions, which means Poland didnβt exist, which means her insistence that she was Polish was a significant act of defiance against the occupation, which means that you should respect that instead of arguing that βwell she had French citizenshipβ. She couldnβt have Polish citizenship despite being Polish, thatβs kinda the point she was making by keeping her maiden name and naming a chemical element she discovered βPoloniumβ .
HOW TO PRONOUNCE: SkΕodowska
L with a dash through it (Ε) makes aΒ βWβ sound. and W makes aΒ βVβ sound.
skwo-DOV-ska
thank you for the pronunciation guide!
I never heard her full name in my whole life but I'll never forget it now because skwo-DOV-ska is the perfect storm of phonemes that get stuck in my head forever. It is a cool and good name.

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TIL that there is journalism equivalent to the Bechdel Test. An article about a female scientist fails the βFinkbeiner Testβ if it mentions one of seven topics regarding her womanhood
via reddit.com
The fact that sheβs a woman
Her husbandβs job
Her child-care arrangements
How she nurtures her underlings
How she was taken aback by the competitiveness in her field
How sheβs such a role model for other women
How sheβs the βfirst woman toβ¦β
Okay, one quote, and then you absolutely have to read the whole thing.Β
Still, the virtue of some rules in Aschwandenβs test is difficult to see at first. Take the rule of βno firsts.β In the comments section below her post for Last Word on Nothing, Finkbeiner explained that no sooner had she taken the vow to ignore gender, than she caught herself writing that the astronomer she was profiling was the first to win a certain award. After a reader urged her to stick to her pledge, she removed it.
βThe fact that sheβs the first woman to do that says a lot more about the prize-giving committee than it does about her,β Finkbeiner explained in our interview. βSo if I were going to put that into a story, it would be a story about prejudice in that prize committee.β
It blew my mind, because sheβs right. The fact that thereβs some many firsts left is the result of bias in the committees NOT IN THE WORK WOMEN DO
We know that Facebook is brainscorching your parents and tiktok is brainscorching your cousins, but some of you refuse to admit that you got your brain scorched here. However unlike those sites there isn't an algorithm here you just make bad choices.
That's all we ever wanted. To arrive at Hell as a result of our own dubious navigation skills instead of as the result of Satan owning all the road sign companies.
"To arrive at Hell as a result of our own dubious navigation skills instead of as the result of Satan owning all the road sign companies."
This is my favorite quote of today.
Depressing but somewhat plausible theory for any modern zombie apocalypse show that simply refuses to just call them "zombies":
Early on during the pandemic, various media corporations tried their best to cover up what was happening, and anything mentioning the word "zombie" got shadowbanned, so a mountain of euphenisms came up instead because everyone knows what you're talking about when making a post complaining about how you'd really need to go get groceries but your neighbours have ~*forgotten their manners*~ and are blocking the door.
And anyone born after the fall - or who was simply too young to remember at the time - has no knowledge of why every group seems to have a different name for the zeds, walkers, the dead, strangers, infected, visitors, etc.
DUDE.
Well okay if you say so

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Every time some fash posts about Real Art vs Duchamp's Fountain it's like lol that urinal has been kicking your ass for a hundred years
Marcel Duchamp kicked the bucket 55 slutty, slutty years ago and you can't get him out of your head. You're half as old as he is dead and you are worshiping at his altar, you are drinking his piss. He won.
Woman in front of me in line at the caffe nero changed my life yesterday when she ordered a prosciutto sandwich but pronounced "prosciutto" like it rhymed with mosquito. "Pruh-squee-toe."
I heard this person say "uhhhh yeah can I get a prosquito sandwich please?" and I knew I'd never be the same. Prosquito. Prosquito. Its everything to me. I haven't been able to stop saying that lmfao. This is my spinch. This is my bagel and creem cheems. This is my ranibow sprimkle.
friends and family are already tired of me going crazy over prosquito but its so special to me
Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.
Isnβt this sheep in real life?
Children in real life also.
It. It literally did. That was literally precisely the point.
I have no idea how the hell I could possibly express myself more clearly.
The humble Oxford comma
IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.
#you can understand op by using your brain
So in Super Smash Bros there's a type of move referred to as a "sex kick", and it's a move a few characters have where they stick their leg out for a period of time in midair and it has an active hitbox the whole time. And the funny thing was that nobody actually knew why it was called a "sex kick". Like it was known to have been named after a sexual innuendo but nobody actually knew what the innuendo was or how it related in any way to the properties of the move. What was so sex about this type of kick???
Anyway years later they managed to get ahold of one of the guys who was there when the term was invented and ask him, why was it called that, and he said "it's called a sex kick because it gets weaker the longer it's out." And then they said wait but that's not how sex works, and the guy went "yeah. we were a bunch of virgins."
The "guy" by the way is Matt Deezie, the founder of the first real tournament series for Melee and also the coiner of "shine" for Fox's Down-B. Even absolute virgin-cels can accomplish great things; never give up on your dreams.
making a collection of factually accurate lyrics about water
making a collection of factually inaccurate lyrics about water

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"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are
cyberpunk setting where instead of god dammit they say mod bannit