a weirdo AND a freaking nerd

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

i support women's wrongs

The sculpture is now worth $89,400

the BEST THING about America is that one of their timezones is called mountain time. i cannot tell you how funny that is to me. it sure is always time for mountains in one fourth of america

buzz aldrin and neil armstrong liked to do a thing where they’d tell unfunny jokes at parties about being on the moon and when people were confused they’d go “guess you had to have been there”

I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

….yeah me too.

Me three.

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.

this is what you get for leaving the door open

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

Today I learned that cuttlefish experience REM sleep, and that it makes their skin flash random colors. This is the cutest thing ever.

I am absolutely delighted to learn that electric eels dream of kicking ass.

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

you're laughing. charles dickens had a son named plorn and you're laughing

Plorn

NICK I LOOKED IT UP AND SAW NOTHING OF THE SORT IS THIS A PRANK

technically his name was edward but everyone called him plorn

I have something worse

oh???

imagine getting stuck with the nickname Plorn

WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO MY BOY PLORN

Born without a groove 😔

Chickens love to peck at hard things to make a variety of interesting sounds and my new ladies have just discovered The Tin Fence.

They're also a big fan of Chipped Ceramic Plate if you feel like experimenting

Ooh I have some leftover floor tile fragments, I should give them some of those.

I've seen people give their chooks kids you xylophones and they love them!!

Mine are a big fan of sealed plastic bucket of water sealant paint that we haven't moved yet.

My old hens loved Window and every day I feel blessed that my new ones haven't discovered it yet.

Mine have an old mirror, parrot toy with tiny bell, metal toy pan. All of these things make fun sounds when pecked 👍

I should get them a wind chime

Idk you may quickly regret Wind Chime

I regret my chickens every day

TIL any chicken coop can be an entire all-percussion orchestra bangin out the tunes

top ten signs ur vampire wife is manipulating u

1. she re-arranges the letters in her name