#actuallyantisocial

If you do not succeed at defusing the bomb, results may vary.

Regardless the explosive devices never cease to respawn at any time and sometimes that's all a bit too much to handle.

If you or someone you know has ASPD, please be aware that it can sometimes take a great deal of effort for us to perform or even comprehend what most would call "common decency" because we were never taught or shown how to respectfully interact with others as a result of childhood abuse, neglect, and/or trauma.

It does not excuse any damage done, however it is important to understand this if you are an ally.

We are learning.

Healing from trauma takes time.

I’m relatively sensitive to people around me seeing me as a monster. When I was younger and wasn’t as good at dealing with (and also masking) having low/no empathy, it used to happen a lot. Especially because I’m autistic and often wouldn’t know what was acceptable to do or say. So now when it happens it really affects me.

And the other day I made a teasing joke, and my sibling (ADHD) looked at me and said something along the lines of, “yeah, you’d get it if you actually had any empathy.” And, like, that might be true on a technical level, but… idk.

If you actually looked at the way I act day-to-day, 99% of the time, I’m leagues less hurtful than empaths are. Because other things impact your ability to do harm. And even if I was a person who couldn’t stop hurting everyone around me, that wouldn’t make my life worth any less. It would just mean that I would need more support.

I’ll do something reckless and everyone is up in arms about how it’s not like me, I know better, they understand I’m bored but not why I would see that as an alternative, and it’s like. No, you don’t understand what this boredom feels like. Everything is hollow and ash and gray. It crawls under my skin and numbs out every other feeling but itself, until there’s nothing but The Boredom left. It’s apathy to such an extreme that anything becomes possible, any escape route is equally attractive, no matter what the collateral damage might be.

Every action in my life is taken in an effort to escape The Boredom. Every relationship exists based on how much that person can help me fight The Boredom. All plans I make for the future are determined by how much that path will keep The Boredom at bay. It controls everything, the need to escape it is the primary need in life, outweighing any basic survival need even.