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hi just so you know if you have a personality disorder I love you personally
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Y'know, I cut off and abandon a lot of people for someone with abandonment issues. Weird. Idk how that happened
I think, while suddenly losing my FP was horribly dangerous for me at the start (I nearly killed myself multiple times, and it took 3 months for me to recover to any extent) it has been semi positive past that.
I feel a lot free’r than I had for years prior to losing them, and have a lot more autonomy. I can finally just... play games, play singleplayer games, watch shows/movies, read comics, draw, just go off and do my own thing, think about what I want and focus on myself which I really couldn’t to any degree prior. If they weren’t involved I just... couldn’t do it. I had no thoughts outside of anything related to them.
I still think about them all the time and get sad, because it still hurts and I miss them, but it’s okay, I’m sure they’re happy and I’m doing better now, even if either of the situations aren’t the most ideal.
I think the only long-term negative(?) impact past general loneliness and patches of nasty depression and anxiety is really the fact now I’ve managed to get by without a FP fairly well, and I’m feeling good about it, I’m TERRIFIED of forming any sort of close relationship with anyone. Even my existing friendships I’m distancing myself from because I don’t want to be dependant again.
Well, at least not yet? Part of me loved the “positive” side of dependency, it felt so good being around/talking to/interacting with/ thinking about my FP and it drove me for a long while, but now I realise it held me back a lot, and also REALLY FUCKIn hurt a lot of the time.
Sadly due to my concerns about becoming dependant again I feel like I need to spend the next bunch of years of my life just working towards my own goals, to get myself to where I want to be, before I risk forming any close relationships. Which sucks, because I’m lonely, but I’m more worried about getting back into a dependency situation than I am worried about being lonely for another 10 years.
Dpd culture:
When you want to tell your depended about the emotionally overwhelming situation going on in your life but first you have to make sure they're in a decent mental state because you don't want to burden them any
Anyone with dpd ever get jealous or upset when the see a baby getting love because you're literally a baby still and you need the same protection and love and it just really makes you sink into yourself and cry a whole lot from how bad it feels.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Date a cluster c who has messy handwriting
When the DPD is bad and my partner isn’t around I get increasingly paranoid I’m going to lose them/they’re going to leave me because of how taxing I can be on them thanks to the disorder
I don’t want to be a drain on them- I want to make them happy and give them energy like they do to me
I’m scared this hellish personality disorder is going to cost me the most important person in the world to me
I’d want them to leave if they wanted to, I wouldn’t want to make them feel trapped, they have free reign in their live and I just want to support them how I can
I’m just scared this personality disorder is effecting them badly, and it’s going to be the reason I lose someone I love, or the reason they are unhappy
Looking to make friends who also have dpd.
Im in a spot where i don't have anyone who fully understands my dependency problems. Im put into such a panic from lack of dp attention that it's making me physically sick. I want safe friends who understand my feelings and who I could talk to about it so it's not so unbearable ):
