Sleepless-Derp

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

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FromSoftware image macro generator (elden ring Noun Verbed text)

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microsoft wordart maker (REALLY annoying to use on mobile)

Featuring

Dainslief learning that in normal work environment people don’t try to kill each other.

Kaeya trying to cover up Dainslief weird behavior with “he’s from snezhnaya”

Diluc finally seeing what his self hating behavior looks like through the eyes of others

Eula meeting someone who agrees that virtue is sufficient for happiness 

Amber trying to coax this man who acts like a scared wet cat out of the corner and into friendship

Jean trying understand “killing king irmin” means on Dainslief resume

Vedrfolnir trying to support his brother at his new job however Dainslief would rather die than see him

Albedo giving Dainslief rhinedottir flashbacks while albedo just wants Dainslief to give him his shipment of Ingredients

Sucrose following this weird specimen of a man around trying to find out why he’s like that.

Surtalogi coming back into his life just to watch this shit show go down. Like “Dainslief you were the twilight knight, now you are getting cats out of trees. What shame”

Rhiendottir being glad to have her old babysitter (Dainslief) back and her new babysitter (venti) so now she doesn’t need to even worry about watching her kids

I imagine Dain is like, scarily ready to hunt down the abyss order for the knights and everyone is like “???????”

This is an au starting before Crepus death where Kaeya was investigating corruption within the knights well before it cost his family everything. He'd seen some... shady things, and whilst he might have written it off as overthinking and paranoia in another world, this is not that world. He was later joined by Jean and Eula when the former noticed her friends shady behaviour, and the latter was enlisted to go undercover.

Kaeya and Eula know each other pretty well in this as he often helps her hide from her family and is helping her prep for the knights test. When he started developing suspicions of dirty dealings, Kaeya went to Eula and asked her to help him investigate and keep his evidence safe.

Kaeya is still a Ravinger at this point, even if he's also 'tainted' in the eyes of some as an Outlander by birth. No one committing treason is going to trust him. Eula, on the other hand, is a Lawrence, and her family name means that most think her morally dubious and corrupt even when her actions prove otherwise.

Kaeya eventually roped Jean in because, unlike Diluc, she knew how to be subtle. Not to mention that Kaeya can tell she's getting suspicious, and if he doesn't tell her, she's going to start asking questions, and that will draw attention.

Once it became apparent that this was more than just 1 person but a full blown conspiracy, the 3 of them should have told a superior or atleast an adult. Both Kaeya and Jean have incredibly powerful and influential parents after all. Even Eula has strings she could pull, loathe as she is to acknowledge it.

They do not.

They chose not to involve adults for a mix of reasons. Part of it was because they wanted to prove themselves, all 3 have the heavy weight of expectation on their shoulders and this a chance to show that they earned their place in the world. That they aren't where they are through merely nepotism.

Theres also the fact that all the adults they trust are too close to the situation, and the trio didn’t think they’d believe their friends were corrupt. Eroch wasn't just the chief inspector. He was also a good friend of Varka's, and though not as close, he is on seemingly good terms with Crepus and Fredrica.

The investigation is almost over and so Kaeya mentions to hos brother that he wants Diluc and Jean to vouch for Eula when she applies for the knights exam next spring. Diluc is suprised and agrees but doesn't understand why Kaeya cant vouch for her – hes still to young and innocent to realise that it wont be enough for some as Kaeya was born an outlander and that it might actually tarnished both their reputations in different ways.

Unfortunately, Eroch realises that he's being investigated.

Fortunately, the only person who's compromised is Kaeya.

The attack that would kill Crepus in another world happens, but this time it’s on Kaeya and a group of the cavalry. Kaeya realises this was a set up pretty quickly and sends half off to get help (all those he knows aren’t corrupt) so that they’ll be safe and ends up earning his vision whilst fighting Ursa and the traitors. 2 of the people he suspects turn out to be innocent, and 1 dies whilst the other is a coward and offers to look the other way if they spare his life.

Kaeya is left alive because Eroch recognised him as being Khaenri'an and knows the fatui/dottore will want to cut him open and use him as a test subject.

The cowardly cavalry member is eventually consumed by guilt and spills everything to Jean, who convinces them to redeem themself by acting as an informant against the men who killed his brothers in arms.

They confirm Kaeya was taken away alive by the Fatui who took credit for slaying Ursa.

Jean goes missing several weeks later (she earns her vision fighting for her people's freedom from tyrany-it is taken from her, just like Kaeya's was taken from him.)when Eroch realises that someone has taken over Kaeya's investigation and Eula takes the risk of approaching the Ravinger household during the night.

Fredrica is there due to their mutual grief over their missing children and everyone insisting that they're dead.

Crepus and Fredrica are suspicious as she’s a Laurence, but Diluc remembers that Kaeya was her friend and vouched for her and says as much.

Eula brings out some of Kaeyas' notes and evidence they’d acquired. She explains that there's more and that a significant portion of the knights are committing treason. She then tells them that she knows Kaeya is not dead and that she believes Jean might be alive too.

A rebellion is planned between the Winery's people, Lady Gunnhilder most loyal, and the Church (they may be divorced, but thats still his daughter, and Mondstadt is still his homenand they betrayed its tenants)... they intend to drag in the knights in at the last moment. Kaeya and Jean were very furrow in working out who was innocent, who was aware but kept quiet, who was being blackmailed... They know exactly who can be trusted to do their duty.

Using the evidence already collected, they manage to put together a complete list of traitors, not just in the knights but also outside benefactors who provided or recieved financial support in illicit dealings for personal gain -even those within the church.

What happens next will not be quiet or swept under the rug.

The people’s faith in the knights may be shaken, but they’ll have the founding families of the original rebellion to fall back on. Gunnhilder, Ravinger, and even Laurence now that there's finally a member of that family living up to their original legacy.

The plan is implemented quickly and suddenly giving them no time to prepare or run.

Lady Gunnhilder takes a group of the old guard that can be trusted on what she claims is a training exercise, Diluc takes the cavalry, the Winery staff disperse themselves among the people of Mondstadt, and adventure's are hired under false pretenses...

Lady Gunnhilder informs them they were chosen for this exercise because they were the best that the knights had to offer, that each and every one of them had made it onto a list of those among the knights that were steadfast and uncorruptable.

She then informs them that this list was put together not by her but by her daughter and the youngest Ravinger before they went 'missing'.

She then asks them if they will continue her daughter and nephews efforts to purge the knights or if they will allow their disappearance and possible death to be for nothing.

Diluc handles the traitors within his own ranks first. His men are horrified but quickly spring into action alongside their captain.

Diluc and the Cavalry have a list of traitors to hunt down that should be on patrol outside the city. Once caught they're taken to a temporary holding site and the cavalry go on to handle those present in springvale.

It is up to Lady Gunnhilder and the old guard to handle the city.

The church cleans house before going out to calm the ppl who are panicking over seemingly innocent people being dragged out of their homes and places of work.

They almost have a riot on their hands. Fortunately, the winery put together a tell all pamphlet that is being dispersed through the crowds.

Eula is compared to the first Laurence and labelled the white sheep of her family with Lady Gunnhilder choosing to mentor her in her knew position within mondstadt society. If her daughter can not be found, someone else will have to shoulder the burden of being the people’s shield, and Eula has proven herself capable.

.

Meanwhile, Kaeya and Jean are both suffering the effects of their recently stollen Visions and are beginning to forget their home. Both earned their visions defending Mondstadt and for all the complicated feelings surrounding it, Mondstadt and it's people were everything to them and now they have nothing.

Jean and Kaeya eventually escape from one of Dottore's facilities. The two cling to each other as something they can no longer remember screams that the other is family, and with how disjointed they've become, anything that can anchor them is appreciated.

Capitano is sent to clean up the mess of what is believed to be a rogue experiment and instead finds 2 teenagers, one of whom is clearly Khaenri'an yet bears no curse.

Jean led the Captain and his people into a dead end, and Kaeya triggered a trap based on the fragments of khemia he remembered from childhood. The 2 feral children were already making the Captain question his orders, the fact one is a baby Khaenri'an (some of his people survived!) is too much. Kaeya and Jean are eventually nocked out and taken home by the Captain like a pair of feral kittens.

The Director takes one look at Jean and Kaeya and look. He knows damn well that those are the missing Gunnhilder and Ravinger heirs, but admitting that ties the fatui to the shitshow going down in Mondstadt as he knows The Captain will insist on seeing them return home. So he says nothing.

Besides, a child of Khaenri'ah has no place being raised by a family that worships the gods, better he and his friends find purpose among his own people.

End game:

Fatui Amnesiac Jean and Kaeya

Cavalry Captain Diluc

Acting Grandmaster Eula

Dark Knight Hero Crepus - survives! Yay!

Vigilante Barbara - went on a training arc/revenge quest across Teyvat like Diluc in canon only she was looking for her sister and Kaeya

Eventually, she comes back to Mond and joins the Church in hopes of gaining redemption for all the blood she spilt

Spymaster Lisa (still the librarian, but someone has to pull the strings in Kaeya's place)

Co Grandmaster Fredrica and Varka (he didn't trust himself to lead alone after missing that much going on beneath his nose, but he was too good a leader to allow to step down)

That's all I have so far!

I need epel with slightly darker veins and learning how to hide trembling.

I need jack pushing himself to the brink to try and forget The sand and ruggie screaming.

Ace hating things on his neck, feeling like he will choke

Deuce, hating all the fights he gets into but needing to protect his friends, because if he doesnt they could die.

Sebek terrified its all a dream, pinching his arms, scratching his scales so that the pain can prove he is awake.

Ortho, cataloging all the different ways his friends struggle to help them, even as he wonders is he just a copy of the original Ortho? Is he truly sentient? Or just leftovers.

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

Here’s an emergency compliment

Here you can play 2048

Here’s a playlist of Bob ross

Here’s a website to watch movie’s and shows for free

Here’s a website to watch documentaries for free

Here you can to nothing for two minutes

Here you can break something. It’s good for anger

Here’s a button to press to make everything okay

Here’s a site to cut something up (TRIGGER WARNING)

Here’s a site that makes you a website depending on a song you choose

Here’s a gay comic. It’s adorable

Here you can spend Bill Gate’s money

Here you can draw your own island

Here you can learn about patterns website’s use

Here you can get your life stats

Here you can listen to the Tucker Zone (Headphones needed)

Here you can see how fast you’re moving

Here you can see the progress of time

Here’s the butterfly project

Here’s a snickerdoodle mug cake

Here’s a link to some free audiobooks

Here’s something to read when you feel like a burden

Here’s a secret

Here’s my playlist of some sea shanties 

Here’s another secret

Here’s a link to some cool websites 

Here’s a blog that gives you recipes for when you’re low on spoons

Here’s 100,000 stars

Here you can control the weather (TW FLASHING IMAGES)

Here you can weave silk

Here you can make a castle of your own

Here you can make a kaleidoscope drawing

Here you can explore recursion

Here you can draw with pasta

Here you can draw logo’s from memory

Here you can play this is sand, here you draw cool sand designs

Here you can play The Organ Trail

Here’s a customizable white noise website

Here you can simulate gravity

Here you can create your own guardian of the galaxy

Here you can make your own galaxy

Here you can have images of people point to where your pointer is

Here you can paint someone’s nails

Here you can grow a garden across your screen (Audio included)

Here you can try out all kinds of mind illusions (Trigger Warning: Flashing Lights)

Here you can see how many miles you have scrolled

Here you can watch a website load forever, although you might be getting enough of this on Tumblr mobile

Here’s a rickroll

Here you can remind yourself that you’re awesome.

Here you can throw trash into a dustbin only for it to bounce right back out (Audio included)

Here you can make sand dunes using sand (Audio included)

Here you can listen to a gentle rainstorm

Here you can make snowflakes

Here is a Line Rider feature film with relaxing music

Here is the entire script to the Princess Bride (many don’t need it but it’s fun to read anyway)

Here is an abbreviated script for the entirety of Book 1 of A:TLA that I made out of anger at the film that definitely doesn’t exist

Here is a playlist of the top 10 most relaxing songs ranked according to science

Uninstall the app. Close the browser. Leave a 1 star review on the App Store and/or Google Play Store. Call them if you can, and don’t email as there aren’t any humans that see those.