Lying’s All I’ve Learned

The driving force of Clancy (album but also the guy) is "I was supposed to be better by now." You were supposed to grow up and be past this. You were supposed to be "normal." Isn't that what you always used to promise yourself? What everyone promised? That it would get better One Day? When is that day supposed to come? When you're 25? 35? Maybe everyone was wrong and it never comes. Maybe you will always feel like you're the worst you've ever been when a new depression episode hits. Maybe you will truthfully always be as suicidal as you were when you were 14, but now you just have more (practical) reasons not to do it. Maybe you never really recover from the trauma and it just grows and changes with you. Maybe you're always going to feel like you're a half step behind everyone else your age because you spent all your golden years locked alone in your bedroom wishing you could stop existing or at least become someone else. Maybe you will always feel like you're lying to everyone when you act like you're fine. Maybe they will always pity you. Maybe this time around they'll finally admit what you already suspect, that they're tired of you and tired of this, and they'll leave.