feel free to send me an ask or message me about any of my fics or au's! I love talking about them and am more than happy to answer anything you want to know
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scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 22 (masterpost here)
Alfred, walking past Damian's bedroom at night: *slows, squints through the open door*
Damian: *clearly dressed to go out, buttoning up his shirt*
Alfred: Master Damian?
Damian, calmly: yes, Pennyworth?
Alfred: are you... going out?
Damian: yes, why?
Alfred, narrowing his eyes: i was under the impression that Master Bruce grounded you for the weekend.
Damian, instantly: no, he benched me. he never grounded me, he simply banished me from patrol for a few days. he never specified that i couldn't go out as a civilian.
Alfred:
Alfred: i see. and where, might i ask, do you plan on spending this fine evening out on the town?
Damian: one of my classmates has an older sibling that has gotten us invited to a party on his school's campus. i assure you, i plan on remaining safe and staying away from recreational drugs and heavy drinking.
Alfred: right. and this party doesn't just so happen to be on Gotham University grounds, does it?
*a beat*
Damian: maybe.
Alfred, dryly: the very same party that your father and siblings are currently staking out due to rumours of suspicious rogue activity?
Damian, innocently: well i wouldn't know anything about that, being as i was benched from patrol. i'm simply a young teenager trying to have fun.
Alfred:
Alfred: *sigh* you understand that when your father notices you showing up to his case in nothing but a dress shirt, he will most likely be even more frustrated than if you'd simply snuck out as Robin?
Damian, shrugging: well, my siblings always tell me that i should be more rebellious and teen-like, so i suppose he'll just have to blame them.
Damian: *walks past Alfred, headed down towards the staircase*
Alfred: *silently watches him go*
Alfred:
Alfred, softly to himself: i don't think it's my responsibility to do anything about this. i simply work here.
Alfred:
*distant front door swinging open and shut*
Alfred: he said he would abstain from 'heavy' drinking, not drinking in general, didn't he?
Another public service announcement. This time itβs air quality. Some of you are probably in it already if youβre in eastern Canada, New England or New York, but itβs sliding south, a huge mass of wildfire smoke. Please be careful. When it starts getting bad, especially, like when the sky gets orange or brownish, itβs best to run air purifiers in the house and wear N95 or KN95 masks when you have to go outside.
It harms your lungs and itβs especially bad for children (and pets!) or anyone with health problems. There are all kinds of chemicals in that smoke. Itβs not only trees that are burning. The heat already makes it harder to breath. This makes it worse.
If any of you are experiencing it, feel free to tell about it in the comments. π
Also, throw out the mask every day and shower before you get in bed if youβve been out or youβll be breathing the particles all night. Stuff like that. It gets all over you, your skin, your hair, your clothes.
ryland grace is eva stratt's dead wife but like, in the "they had an argument right before she died, and in that argument he killed her in a crime of passion" way and this casts a new and disturbing light over every memory of like, grace's laughing on the military aircraft carrier with his hair in his face
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Edit: the title for this comic is βPuzzle Ratβ
this oneβs a few days late due to having a lot of doctors appointments sorry
itβs Β just 9 pages, and about some ratsβ¦ itβs more symbolic than anything really
(itβs completely unrelated to any of my songs that have to do with βpuzzleboyβ)
Patreon: www.patreon.com/PengoSolvent
History student falls in love with astrophysics student by Keaton St. James
(patreon)
[poem text: listen, nine hundred and fifty years before jesus was a child shaking willow leaves out of his tangled curls, the author of the song of solomon wrote: behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves.
what iβm trying to say is that, in this universe which sculpted itself from a baptism of fire, i am the moon swept up by your tenderness. youβve got me dreaming foreign words: gravity, ellipsis, perigee, until all i can think about is becoming anchored into orbit around the saltwater-green landscape of your laughter.
listen, plato of ancient greece wrote that the souls we each have now are only halves. that in a frenzy of blood zeus severed us from each other, so we rely on the blind tugging of our hearts. you say my name and i want to knit my bones into your bones, smooth away the boundaries of our heartbeats.
what iβm trying to say is that if the temperature inside those wild pockets of interstellar dust hits right near absolute zero, carbon monoxide and dihydrogen molecules condense together in the dark nebula to form stars. if youβre ready, i want to make you shiver like that. /end poem text.]
*grumbling* Would you rather work for Lex Luthor or the Joker- *shouting* Lex Luthor, by like, a fucking mile!
Yes, yes, working for Lex Luthor is basically like being an Amazon employee that makes weapons of mass destruction, which is bad. Lex is like Donald Trump mixed with Mark Zuckerberg mixed with Jeffrey fucking Bezos, itβs not a great mix. He does not treat his henchmen well. Their lives still suck, and they are probably monitored on how long they take piss breaks for.
But letβs analyze what working for Lex Luthor is like versus the fucking Joker. With Lex you probably get a dental plan, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that youβre fighting really cares about human life. Superman will hit you just long enough to knock you out, so youβre not a treat, so he can stop the problem.
If you work for the Joker, your payment is youβre not fucking dead. You say one wrong thing? Bang. You donβt laugh at his jokes? Bang! You do laugh at his jokes? Bang! You think Joker gives a fuck about a henchman?
Whoβs Lex Luthorβs right-hand-man? Itβs a woman, you sexist, her name is Mercy, sheβs awesome. Whoβs Jokerβs right-hand-man? Bob? Nah, heβs dead. Harley? Tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy?
The best case scenario of working for the Joker is that you fight the fucking Batman! And that presents its own fucking list of problems. If you stop Superman as a Lex Luthor henchman, Lexβll be pissed, but heβll be at least happy that Superman was caught. If you stop Batman as a Joker henchman, you better have a fucking coffin picked out yesterday.
This isnβt a fun hypothetical question, this is a screening technique that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health! There is a right and a wrong answer to this question, and the correct one is Lex fucking Luthor. Thank you for coming to my fucking Ted Talk, have a nice day.
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I was wondering how Bruce explained Jason's death to the public because he's a public figure whose life is of interest to a lot of people and Bruce coming out and saying that Jason died in an overseas terrorist bombing probably wouldn't sit well with the general populace. They would of course ask why a 15yo kid was alone with a stranger (Sheila) abroad? Where was Bruce? Bruce can't go with an accident, it would be too suspicious and there would be an investigation. So they go with an illness.
Leslie forges the paperwork, lab results etc that any media outlet could access but Bruce never actually confirms it formally. The media put the pieces together. And so the story of brave little Jason Todd, "Gotham's Very Own Cinderella" as the Gazette dubs him, who had found a new family, a place in society then had died tragically of a long term illness just as he was "saved"? It's tragic. Bruce who in a effort to make amends for his lie and do some good funds charities and research into said illness, under the Jason Todd-Wayne Foundation.
Cue Jason who returns to Gotham and starts building a reasonable relationship with Bruce, finding out that Bruce lied about him having an incurable disease and asking the million dollar question? How do they explain he's alive? As if by fate, Jason's reintroduction to the public comes just after Leslie announces that they've done it. All the money, fundraising, memorial readathons etc funded the cure for the disease. And it's all due to Jason, who is miraculously alive??? Jason who appears at a press conference with Bruce, assuring the media that while his recovery was long, arduous and at times kept him from home being in hospital for so long, he has been alive this entire time and Wayne Enterprises has capped the price of the cure and it's readily available within weeks.
Fic where Varka reveals that the reason they have no horses to bring back is because it was really hard getting their horses to Fontaine so in order to make it so they didn't have to bring them BACK across the ocean waterfall pit he gave all the horses away to Furina de Fontaine, who was of course still acting as an archon at that time. Now that she's resigned, though, she's giving a bunch of this stuff away again, and hey, who better to go get themself into the good graces of this horse-gifting ingenue than Mondstadt's very own smooth-talking calvary captain? Go get'em, kid! We're counting on you!
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hella busy but brain keeps generating ideas and the one that really grew on me sounds like 'Kaeya, migraines, and clueless Diluc'. the setting is early two years after Diluc's return from Snezhnaya, and he notices patterns he doesn't like, because it only helps with his belief that Knights are just eating away people's money without giving anything in return.
why? well, you see, Kaeya has seen to take a little bit too many days off. the citizens believe it's his off days, while Jean says he's away to some secret mission of sorts, while Diluc senses something is up.
something is up is Kaeya hiding in his quarters for three days straight and Diluc can't help but imagine his brother wasting himself away. meanwhile, Kaeya: 'Imma 'bout to throw p, please shut the curtains' and Diluc is livid because he thinks it's hangover when he eventually enters the quarters, because, despite anything, he still cares. and refuses to admit it.
Kaeya is miserable. his migraines are debilitating in a way he can't explain, and the scar tissue formed out of his burns doesn't help with the tension in his neck and upper back, his eye giving him trouble he can't cope with. it's paired up with bad weather, and pain from scars, combined with a migraine, sets him off.
they fight, again. Diluc recalls every evening Kaeya drank dandelion wine, every lazy day, every mistake. Kaeya sizzles with fury, but can't explain anything because pain cuts him off abruptly and merciless.
but before he passes out, he spits that most of what followed is Diluc's fault. Diluc wants to storm out of the quarters, but the second he tries, Kaeya crumples and falls to the floor, hitting it hard. Diluc's ruminating on leaving him there. but something stops him.
he slows down. recalls.
notices painkillers on the nightstand, notices cooling gels and almost freezing to the touch water in a bowl. he returns to Kaeya and lifts him up. too light. places him down in the bed, tucks in. sits beside, hands clasped together.
Kaeya didn't visit taverns for weeks, busy with tracing down the Treasure Hoarders. they worked together at night, separately, but in sight of each other. there's no bottles in the room. hangover doesn't take three days to settle down.
Diluc is once again buried under the anger he cannot tame. and regret. so many of them. Kaeya is probably right, saying it's his fault.
then I want Kaeya to wake up to Diluc, sitting like a hollow shell beside his bed and feel bitter regret of being pushed out of his dgaf attitude. he's tired, still in pain, but he says it's just his scars giving him hard time.
Diluc hides his face behind his hands, because he can't face the mistakes he has made and mistakes that linger and will be lingering till the very end of Kaeya's life. Kaeya chuckles. Kaeya says it's what family does.
Kaeya tries to pat him on the back to soothe, yet Diluc swats his hand away, whispering he doesn't deserve any kind of forgiveness. Kaeya says he's dumb and it's his choice to forgive or not, and it's one of the easiest choices he has ever made.
I'm here with headcanons on Kaeya that are not discussed in the fic I'm writing yet I always hint on them because I believe they're a ground-forming material in Kaeya's character
1. he did pick up so many traits Crepus had possessed and he mastered them to the point Diluc sometimes sees his father in the smirk, in the hand movement, in the suave baritone of voice. no one points it out because it's much harder of the truth to face than just carrying on the ghosts.
2. he RESPECTS Crepus. I have imagined Crepus to have more bad habits than canon lets on, claiming him a good father and a saint man. he is a good father. he's also a desperate man. Kaeya knows that he is desperate, because no one cries so bitter in the drunk state after indulging wine and revisiting memories of the past. Kaeya is also a desperate man, so he finds himself taking in the same habit.
3. him and Adelinde are the only ones who have an idea of Crepus drinking habit. and they both choose to be silent about it. it leads to Kaeya being somewhat wary around Crepus, so he never calls him a father, even in his mind.
4. he knows Crepus calls him his son because he means it. Crepus died having two sons. but that doesn't mean that Kaeya is ready to let go of his own past. he accepts the family he has and loves them, but he remembers having the second family. vaguely. but remembers.
5. him and Adelinde have no idea, though, that Crepus is connected to the Fatui and Delusions. this one Crepus hid really well.
6. Crepus had bouts of depression, but the kids have helped him through the worst of it unknowingly. it lies in the blood, so Diluc's depression is generational and hardly accepts any treatment. Kaeya's depression is consequencional. in theory, no lies and no need to hide, and he's going to thrive.
7. Adelinde is younger than Crepus by a decade and a little and has been basically rescued by him, accepting the job as a maid. she's from Fontaine and was falsely accused of crime she didn't commit.
8. Kaeya never calls Adelinde a mother either, but he does have his favourites, and Adelinde is on the very top of this list. he sensed she was hiding something, but also noticed how she was treated and felt as if he can belong.
9. despite it all, he called Diluc his brother. because he felt safe and secure around him (until The Night :)) and they were close and spent days together, attached to the hip. nowadays the closest he calls Diluc is 'luc. he never calls him brother since the fight.
10. he loves Mondstadt and can't let go of his homeland. he's both the sinner and the child of the land of freedom, and it wakes him up at nights with nightmares of dooming one or another to the ruins and pain.
11. Adelinde, on the other hand, always calls them brothers, and the Winery family, because she found safety within these walls and, truly, just wants things back. to how it has been before it changed.
12. he asked Crepus to have his family name instead of attaching it to the Rangvindr name, and Crepus agreed, because he wanted to preserve every bit of the past Kaeya started forgetting.
13. Crepus drew the pictures of flowers Kaeya remembered, and he tried to recreate their image as close as possible to Kaeya's descriptions. Kaeya looked absolutely heartbroken when he saw the finished piece.
I have MORE!!!! but needa run
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