Fanfiction Is My Life

Tim: Oh no.

Steph: OH MY GOD IT'S STILL UP?

Jason: Wait, somebody made a wiki page?

Duke: There are seventeen pages. It has citations.

Damian: As it should. It was a historical event.

Cass: Very funny.

Duke: What happened?

Tim: Nothing happened.

Steph: Tim started a civil war.

Tim: That is a gross exaggeration.

Jason: No, that's pretty much exactly what happened.

Duke: Explain.

Dick: It started because Tim was sleep-deprived.

Tim: That's not relevant.

Everyone: It is.

Tim: Fine. I hadn't slept in three days.

Steph: Four.

Tim: Whatever.

Steph: Four.

Tim: Anyway, we were getting food after patrol—

Jason: Batburger.

Tim: Right. Batburger.

Steph: Trademark infringement is still hilarious.

Tim: And while we were eating, I casually said—

Duke: Uh oh.

Tim: I casually said that pickles are objectively the worst burger topping.

Duke: That's it?

Cass: Not it.

Jason: That's what he thinks started it.

Tim: That IS what started it.

Damian: Incorrect. The true catalyst was Grayson.

Dick: Hey!

Damian: You gasped like someone had announced the death of a loved one.

Dick: Because pickles are amazing.

Tim: They're soggy.

Dick: They're crunchy!

Tim: They're wet.

Dick: Everything is wet, Tim!

Steph: See? This is exactly how it started.

Duke: You're all arguing about it right now.

Jason: We never stopped.

Duke: You never—

Cass: Two years.

Duke: TWO YEARS?

Steph: Dick got offended. Tim doubled down.

Tim: Because I was right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: Right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: Right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: See? This.

Jason: Then I said pineapple was worse.

Duke: Why would you do that?

Jason: Because I enjoy chaos.

Steph: Then Damian said anyone who voluntarily eats pineapple on a burger should be exiled from society.

Damian: A reasonable position.

Cass: Jason had pineapple.

Duke: Of course he did.

Jason: It was delicious.

Damian: Your taste buds are defective.

Jason: You eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

Damian: Because they are shaped like dinosaurs.

Jason: That's not a defense.

Steph: Then Cass said she'd eat basically anything.

Cass: True.

Steph: And suddenly everyone was yelling.

Tim: It wasn't yelling.

Steph: Tim.

Tim: Fine. It was yelling.

Duke: Where does the "incident" part come in?

Everyone: …

Duke: Why is everyone quiet?

Jason: Because this is where it gets stupid.

Duke: More stupid?

Dick: We decided to settle it democratically.

Duke: That's not stupid.

Steph: We made brackets.

Duke: What?

Tim: Like a tournament.

Duke: For burger toppings?

Tim: For burger toppings.

Duke: Why?

Tim: We had resources.

Duke: WHAT RESOURCES?

Tim: A whiteboard.

Steph: Three laptops.

Cass: Projector.

Jason: Damian made graphs.

Damian: My graphs were excellent.

Duke: You made GRAPHS?

Damian: Statistical analysis is important.

Duke: For burger toppings?

Damian: Especially for burger toppings.

Dick: It got really competitive.

Steph: Really competitive.

Tim: In our defense—

Steph: No.

Tim: Fair.

Duke: How did Bruce react?

Jason: He didn't know.

Duke: Didn't know?

Jason: Until the finals.

Duke: There were FINALS?

Cass: Pickles versus bacon.

Duke: Of course there were.

Dick: The Batfam was divided.

Steph: Friendships were tested.

Jason: Allegiances shifted.

Damian: Weaknesses were exposed.

Tim: You're being dramatic.

Damian: Drake, you attempted voter fraud.

Duke: HE WHAT?

Tim: It was one extra vote.

Steph: Thirty-seven extra votes.

Tim: Details.

Dick: Then Bruce walked in.

Duke: And?

Cass: Silence.

Steph: Complete silence.

Jason: Like a horror movie.

Tim: Bruce looked at the giant tournament bracket.

Dick: Then at the spreadsheets.

Steph: Then at Damian's pie charts.

Cass: Then at the burger ranking manifesto.

Duke: The WHAT?

Jason: Thirty-two pages.

Tim: It was collaborative.

Duke: You wrote a thirty-two-page manifesto about burger toppings?

Damian: Thirty-four pages after revisions.

Duke: I don't know why I asked.

Dick: Bruce just stood there for a minute.

Steph: Looking disappointed.

Jason: Deeply disappointed.

Cass: Very deep.

Tim: Then he asked one question.

Duke: What question?

Everyone: "Why are there campaign posters?"

Duke: CAMPAIGN POSTERS?!

Steph: "A Vote For Bacon Is A Vote For The Future."

Jason: Mine was pretty good.

Damian: It was terrible.

Jason: You're just mad because pickles lost.

Dick: THEY WERE ROBBED.

Tim: They deserved it.

Dick: THEY MADE IT TO THE FINALS.

Tim: And then they lost.

Dick: CORRUPTION.

Duke: So that's why there's a wiki page?

Steph: No.

Duke: There's more?

Cass: Always more.

Jason: The wiki page exists because Alfred found the manifesto.

Tim: Oh no.

Steph: Oh yes.

Jason: And he corrected the grammar.

Duke: He what?

Dick: Every single typo.

Damian: Added footnotes.

Cass: Sources.

Steph: Citations.

Jason: Then he printed it.

Duke: WHY?

Tim: Nobody knows.

Steph: To shame us.

Dick: To preserve history.

Damian: To educate future generations.

Cass: Funny.

Duke: So somewhere in Wayne Manor there is a professionally edited document about burger toppings.

Jason: Multiple copies.

Duke: I hate all of you.

Bruce, walking into the room: Why is this conversation happening again?

Everyone: TIM STARTED IT.

Tim: HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

Bruce: Because every conversation that ends with me finding campaign posters somehow traces back to you.

And it pissed me off so badly that I spent the ENTIRE WORK DAY today compiling evidence from every project my team has ever done for her, pulling past emails she’d sent us, putting together an entire case proving that she had been the problem all along. That she got projects mixed up, that she’d made requests that were nonsensical, literally everything you could possibly imagine. Screenshots of emails, reports we’d submitted, EVERYTHING.

This woman in particular has been terrorizing my team for years, her name is almost a slur in my office, I had simply had ENOUGH of her.

I put all of this evidence together and sent it to all of my bosses at 4:30pm. Then I took a long break to eat a sweet treat and drink some tea.

After my break, my bosses all called in an emergency meeting with me and they said they read my report and fucking loved it. And I sat on a teams call with my boss’ boss as she wrote my nemesis the scathing email I had always fantasized about sending, using the evidence I’d compiled, and hit send.

*connecting ping*

Tim: hey Jay, i'm coming up behind you, what's up?

Jason: shh, i'm busy.

*boots against stone*

Tim: what are we doing? *a beat* is that Damian?

Jason: yeah he's working with Dick tonight. Dick's inside the warehouse.

Tim: ...why are you watching him like a creepy stalker?

Jason: i dunno. just been... introspective, lately.

Tim, jokily: about how being a teen dad ruined your life?

*smacking sound*

Tim: *yelps* ow??

Jason: shut up.

Tim: ok, well about what then?

Jason: i dunno. you know how people say that they get to the same age as their mom was when they were born, and then have a mental breakdown because they couldn't imagine for the life of them being in charge of a human baby?

Tim: ...yeah?

Jason: yeah. well. i dunno. Day's fourteen now. he's only a couple months older than i was when i died.

Tim: oh, and it's making you think about how young you were when it happened?

Jason: *considering noise* ehh, not really. i'm just- just- just look at him down there. all small. a clear child.

Tim, bland: he's the same height as me.

Jason: and you're weird and small so my point still stands.

Tim: *slightly irritated* mhm. what's your point?

Jason: just...

*a beat*

Jason: can you fucking imagine him going through airport security by himself?

*slight pause*

Tim, now amused: sorry, what?

Jason: i was fucking barely fourteen, and i was just waltzing through that airport with no supervision, passport and boarding pass to Ethiopia in hand, not a care in the world. could you imagine Damian doing that by himself at his age?!?

Tim: *snort* i- i mean, no. i guess times have changed, i don't actually think he'd be allowed to fly by himself.

Jason: -and to Ethiopia-! a country he's never been to before, no guide or place to stay, nobody waiting to show him around--he's so fucking young!

Tim: Jay, you know he's not going to Ethiopia by himself, right? that was you.

Jason: -BUT COULD YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?!?!?

Tim, placating: yea- ok, ok you're right, it would be wild. but it's fine because he's not going to need to go anywhere by himself. he has you to hold his passport, right? he'll never have to go through airport security by himself in his life if he doesn't want to.

Jason: i got a taxi to the airport--i just full on got into a car with a stranger- i took a NAP on the way there. with a STRANGER in the car.

Tim: i mean isn't that how you got adopted in the first place-

Jason: HE'S SO FUCKING YOUNG-

Tim, morbidly curious: dude are you tearing up?

Jason: i haven't slept in three days.

Tim: oh my god.

*connecting ping*

Bruce: ok i don't know what's happening with you all over there but can you knock it off? i'm supposed to be working with the Justice League tonight, why is Damian texting me telling me to 'tell your other children to stop crying at me from rooftops like i can't fucking see them'.

Jason: shit we've been got-

Tim: for the record Jason is the only one crying.

Bruce, tiredly: just stop harassing your little brother.

*faint notification beep*

Robin: Hello.

(The Justice League stares.)

Flash: ...He's tiny.

Robin: I am average height for my age.

Green Lantern: Sorry, it's just—we expected... I don't know, taller?

Robin: Your expectations are irrelevant.

Flash: Oh.

Green Lantern: Oh, he's got Batman's personality.

Batman: Unfortunately.

Robin: Excuse me?

Superman: It's nice to meet you, Robin.

Robin: I am aware.

Superman: ...

Wonder Woman: You remind me of someone.

Green Lantern: How old are you?

Robin: Old enough to defeat you.

Green Lantern: That's... not what I asked.

Robin: It is, however, the correct answer.

Flash: I like him.

Batman: Don't encourage him.

Flash: Too late.

Flash: So what's your favorite part about being Robin?

Robin: Correcting Father.

Batman: Damian.

Robin: For example, yesterday Father said, "We'll only be gone an hour."

Flash: And?

Robin: We returned six hours later.

Batman: It was an estimate.

Robin: It was a lie.

Green Lantern: Oh my God.

Superman: He's keeping score?

Robin: There is a spreadsheet.

Batman: There is not.

Robin: There are three.

Robin: One is color-coded.

Flash: TIM MADE THOSE, DIDN'T HE?

Robin: Obviously.

Batman: We're moving on.

Aquaman: Wait, there are multiple Robins?

Robin: There have been.

Green Lantern: How many?

Batman: ...

Flash: Bats?

Batman: Enough.

Robin: Four, technically five.

Green Lantern: FIVE?

Robin: Grayson, Todd, Drake, Brown, and now myself.

Flash: Wait, there have been five Robins?

Robin: Correct.

Green Lantern: Spooky, you've just been collecting children.

Batman: That's not—

Superman: Bruce.

Batman: ...

Batman: It's more complicated than that.

Robin: It is not.

Batman: Damian-

Robin: Father encountered emotionally compromised children and reacted by giving them capes.

Wonder Woman: ...

Flash: That's... honestly the best description I've ever heard.

Green Lantern: I thought Robins were chosen through some impossible test.

Robin: They are.

Green Lantern: Really?

Robin: Father must look at you and think, "I can fix that."

Batman: That's enough.

Robin: Thus far, he has been incorrect.

Batman: ...

Batman: Next agenda item.

Flash: HE'S NOT DENYING IT.

Green Lantern: Batman's superpower is aggressive adoption.

Batman: Green Lantern.

Green Lantern: I'm just saying, most people see a traumatized kid and call a therapist.

Flash: Bruce sees one and goes, "Have you considered vigilantism?"

Batman: That is not how it happened.

Robin: It happened multiple times.

Robin: Six, if you count Signal.

Flash: SIX?!

Batman: We are ending this discussion.

Superman, smiling: Welcome to the League, Robin.

Robin: Thank you.

Superman: It's good to have you here.

Robin: Tt

(A brief silence.)

Flash: Aw.

Green Lantern: Did... did Batman just raise a polite child?

Batman: No.

Robin: Green Lantern, your ring constructs lack creativity, your combat stance is inefficient, and your haircut is deeply unfortunate.

(Another silence.)

Green Lantern: There he is.

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I LOVE MY LIBRARY I LOVE MY LIBRARY

I can just check out book FOR FREE and then I can return the FOR FREE AS WELL

I just went to my library checked out a book, sat down and finished, and guess what IM GOINY TI GET MORE BOOKS

If I see a book that I might like, but it’s not my library. I can just go to the library website and ask them to bring it over to my library FOR FREE

IM PLACING ALL THR BOOKS ON HOLD

I just placed 8 books on hold and I need someone to remove me from this website before I place 8 more books on hold

GUESS WHAT

What's Heaven's and most importantly, the Seraphim's opinions on Charlotte and their relationship with her? Like, Lucifer was a parental figure to all the other Seraphim so is it a sibling relationship (albeit a distant one, probably), or much more on the indifferent side? Who's the favourite child? (This is a joke.)

As for Ramiel and Remiel, did you intentionally give them similar names or it just happened?

A combined hierarchy of Heaven and Hell? Obviously, most of Hell's residents would be on the bottom but I'm more curious about whether the Sins and Ars Goetia would rank higher than other Angels, especially given that the Ars Goetia are pretty much a part of the Old Testament. What about the Morningstars?

Also, power hierarchy?

Lastly, Lucifer and Lilith's (if they ever meet) opinion on Verity?

They actually don't even know she exists considering Lucifer and the others have been separate for, god, thousands of years? Though if they did interact, she would likely call them her uncles.

Lucifer was the kinda parentified older sibling lol.

Otherwise, I would say it is very indifferent as Lucifer does not speak much of the others in Eden and they others in Eden do not speak of Lucifer or too him. In fact, it's seen as a pretty bad thing if someone like Michael comes knocking, to the tune of world ending floods or all of a country's first born sons being killed.

Who is the favorite child? Charlie no contest /j Second place is Michael (Even if he dropped Lucifer into hell and took his place) Third place is Raphael

With the names Ramiel and Remiel, it was completely unintentional. I forgot their was an actual Angel that would be one of the seven virtues lol. I picked Ramiel because it was something that was just closest to "Emily." (I still have no idea why Viv named them Emily and Sera instead of actual biblically based names).

OKAY STRAP IN!

time for combined ranks yayyyyy!!! This is importance + power, cause that is basically the same thing in atlasverse.

A second thing is how close they are in proximity to God.

Yahweh/God

The Seraphim (Seven Heavenly Virtues)

Lucifer

Charlotte and Lilith / Cherubim

The Sins / Ophanim

Dominions

Ars Goetia (Higher geotia)

Virtues

Ars Geotia (Lesser Goetia)

Powers

Ars Geotia (Lower Goetia)

Principalities

Archangels

Angels

Ascended Souls

Purgatory souls

Hellborn Demons

Overlord Sinners

Sinners

Hell Wild Life

The Ars Geotia are on even footing with the angel rank they are paired next to, this is also the rank that they became a fallen angel from, though slightly below as when you fall, some of your power is stripped.

Lilith Never meets Verity, though she would be happy that her daughter found someone that she loves, and Lucifer actually likes Verity simply by virtue of her being a Fallen Angel.

When you become a fallen angel, it's basically an automatic team switch and any anyone that's on your side is a friend against a shared enemy as that is what keeps the swords and spears pointed in the right direction if conflict were to come about.

He may think verity is a bit soft, but he values anyone that would throw themself in front of Charlotte to protect her-- even if it's just to be her meat shield.

Thank you so much for the ask!

You would think that playing a prominent role at minimum in raising nearly every nephilim in existence on top of being the parentified older siblings in heaven would make Lucifer better with kids than in canon.

You would be wrong.

There are many reasons for this and none of them are particularly happy.

Some are down right traumatic.

Finally, someone with real knowledge.

And of course Alastor wants to be not like other girls /j

also im lazy to draw hos monocle like i usually do, i'll be doing that only for big proper comics like breakfast or forced broadcast or rotrd

Someone on Reddit is like "i don't like how this artist portrays things, Rosie trying to pin a label on Alastor is problematic", DAMN, NO SHIT! THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT, HELLO? Some people are truly braindead istg... Reddit is a funny place, not in a good way, and maybe it's a good thing i'm shadowbanned there.

Because while my Dark gods AU is more or less discontinued before the 1st draft got even finished, the ending I had planned for it was dark as fuck.

In short, Hypnos puts the dark gods in a coma and the AU ends with the remaining gods and demigods coming out of the woodworks and taking over for them. Which is all well and good for some but not for the people who actually did love the dark gods despite their insanity and now have to live in half empty homes and grieve someone who are still alive.

Also Niccolò genuinely NEEDS someone that isn't Will or Persephone because he might genuinely become a mania atp😭

been reworking my abyss!kaeya and fatui!diluc, and added hilichurl!eliora and wildhunt!kane