Fanfiction Is My Life

This man arrives pissed the fuck off with very good reason:

He has to attend a 13-year-old's stupid nameday tourney to improve his family's public image. (This man should NOT be working in HR, PR or communications)

Baelor is introduced with titles and lovely adjectives and he is introduced as Baelor's brother, Maekar. (This is generally considered a faux pas in younger sibling culture)

Two of his shithead sons don't arrive at Ashford Meadow with the rest of the happy family. And Maekar knows that it's because Daeron is a coward who cannot fulfill his duties as heir, which is disappointing and embarrasing to Maekar. And he is of course worried about the baby of the family, Egg. (Many parents don't appreciate babysitters that have nicknames like "the drunken")

Adam and Lute sit nervously at the table before Sera in her office, Lute's uniform still covered in golden blood and her helmet off. Sera looms over them both giving them a DEADLY glare, eyes repeatedly appearing and dissapearing off her body, her whole form trembling in rage.

Adam, whispering to Lute: Oooo, yeah. She's pissed.

Lute, whispering: That's rather obvious sir. *She clears her throat and speaks up to Sera* High Seraphim, I-

Sera holds up a finger to silence her.

Sera:....Give. me. ONE reason I shouldn't BANISH you from Heaven RIGHT now.

Adam; Woah! Hey, come on Ser. Lute, she-she just-just fucked up is all! It was just a mistake!

Sera: A MISTAKE?! She MUTILATED my younger sister! The doctor said Emily's wings will need to be AMPUTATED because of HER!

Lute: Your highness, please! I-I was just trying to do my job! That...DEMON simply appearing from Hell is CLEARLY some kind of trick! Him being here is clearly a ploy by the King of Hell! He's untrustworthy!

Sera:.....

She looks across the room where Pentious is sitting in a chair in handcuffs sadly looking at an egg he'd drawn a jagged smiley face on.

She then looks at Adam and Lute again with a raiser eyebrow.

Lute: He's a THREAT! It can't be a coincidence that he just APPEARS here after the same extermination where one of our Exorcists was MURDERED!

Sera: Wait, WHAT?!

Adam: Oh, yeah! Holy shit, we found her fucking CORPSE without its head! Leaking blood and everything! I dont know how, but those fuckers figured out how to KILL us!

Lute: EXACTLY! Every second we waste debating his "innocence", the information is no doubt circulating through Hell and allowing the demons to formulate how they'll rise AGAINST us! We need to go back down there and wipe them ALL out!

Sera pinches the bridge of her nose.

Sera: Let me see if I have this right.....Not only did you assault my younger sister....Not only did you attack a potential new entry to Heaven and reveal the exterminations to EVERYONE.....Not only have your Exterminations, which I was against, not prevented the ONE! FUCKING! THING! THEY ARE SUPPOSSED TO BE PREVENTING......But YOU TWO want me to let you go down there and potentially ferment MORE rebellion against us AND risk the lives of the rest of our Exorcist soldiers KNOWING the demons have a method of SLAYING us?!?!?

Adam: .............Yeah?

Sera let out a noise between a roar and a loud caw that made the whole building shake.

Adam; L-Look! Sera, babe! Come on! We can fucking fix this!

Sera: HOW exactly are you supposed to do THAT?!

???: Its OBVIOUS how.

Everyone looked to see Emily walking into the room stiffly, wearing a hospital gown and her face and torso covered in bandges.

Sera: Emily! What are you doing here? You should be resting!

Emily: I can't just REST while all of this is going on! Look, I don't know much about these...these EXTERMINATIONS, but the answer is OBVIOUS. *She points to Sir Pentious* It's right THERE.

They all look at him and he awkwardly waves at them all with one hand.

Pentious: Uh...Hello.

Adam: How the fuck is HE gonna fix anything?

Emily: Because he's PROOF that sinners can CHANGE. *She looks at Sera* If sinners can be redeemed and earn their way into Heaven, then there's no NEED to exterminate them! We can help them all change and then they won't WANT to rebel against us!

Adam scoffs.

Adam: Yeah. Sure. That'll TOTALLY happen.

Sera: Emily, it's....it's NOT that simple.

Emily: It's worth a TRY isn't it? What do we have to lose?

Adam: But we don't even know how the fuck he GOT here!

Emily: Then MAYBE we should try ASKING.

She weakly goes over to Pentious and unlocks his shackles.

Sera: Emily!

But Emily ignores her and smiles at Pentious.

Emily: Hi. Mister...Sir Pentious, was it? Its nice to meet you.

Pentious: Uh...Sssame to you, Missss.

Emily: If you wouldn't mind...Could you tell us how you got up here?

Pentious: Well, there'ssss a problem with that. I...I don't know how I got here.

Emily: Well....You siad you were in Hell before, right?

Pentious: Yessss....

Adam: What for?

Emily: Adam...

Adam: Hey, just saying. We should KNOW just to make sure this guy wasn't some sick fuck who did stuff like eat babies or something.

Emily: Im sure Mister Pentious didn't EAT BABIES.....*She looks at Pentious* You DIDN'T eat any babies....Right?

Pentious: No, no.....I.....I was once an inventor....

And he tells them about his human life and death.

Adam, at the end: Oh, okay, cool. So you were a creep AND a pussy.

Emily: Adam!

Adam: What? He let a bunch of ladies die because HE was too much of a bitch to say anything even when he KNEW the guy.

Sera: That's ENOUGH.

Pentious: No. No, he....he's right. I....I was a coward. Too afraid to take action, too afraid to live my life. Too afraid to....to help women who needed me....

Emily: Okay....But...How did you get up here?

Pentious: Well.....Over the lassst couple of yearssss, I'd been working on improving mysssself.

Adam: Uh, what?

Pentious: Itssss true. It all ssstarted after I had a....meeting with the Ssssin of Despair.

Emily: Sin of...Despair?

Sera: The sins are high ranking demons, essentially equivalents to our virtues...But I thought there were only SEVEN.

Pentious: Asss did I. She gave me ssssomewhat of a talking to about my behaviour in life, my cowardice, my failuressss. And....she started helping me get passssed them. Become...a better persssson. She even got me a job, helping build vehiclessss and toys and things for the good citizenssss of Hells rings. I...I started trying to be more active in life. Made friendssss. I even stood up to chap in the pub after he started making lessss then kind advancessss to a....a rival of mine.

Adam: Okay, blah-blah-blah, but how did you get up here?

Pentious: Well...The lasssst thing i recall wad that I went out on Extermination day. Usually I wait it out at my job protect by my Hellborn companionssss, but I'd heard a rumor my old rival would be out on the streetsssss trying to steal cash. I went to find her....and found her surrounded by three exorcists. They were about to run her through, but I...I got their in way. Told to run. And before I knew it....one had slit open my belly with her sword....and I found myself here....Oh, dear miss bomb....*He looks to Emily* Do you know if she is alright? Did she make it?!

Emily: Im sorry. I don't know....But...it sounds like what you did was really brave.

Pentious: Well....After a lifetime of being a coward....I refused to be one again....

Sera: And...you say this...Sin of Despair is the one who helped you?

Pentious: Yessss....From what I recall hearing, I believe she's Lucifers daughter.

Lute: HA! See? I knew it! This is clearly a trick the Morningstars duaghter has pulled together to-!

Sera: Shut the fuck up, Lute!

Lute:....Shutting the fuck up, ma'am....

Emily: Okay, then we know where to start. We go down to Hell and meet with this...Sin of Despair and figure out how she helped mister Pentious here.

Adam: Uh, US? Go down THERE? Fuck THAT idea.

Sera: I HATE to even have to think these words right now, but....Adam is right Emily. The situation in Hell....It might be more dangerous then even we thought.

Emily: Then I'LL go.

Sera: What?! No! No, you're still so HURT and-and we don't know WHAT this Sin of Despair is like or what she might do to-

Emily: I am the angel of JOY, Sera! I can't just sit up here KNOWING that we've been causing so much pain to so many souls for so long! If a war with Hell is REALLY what we're trying tk avoid, then I'll go even IF it's dangerous. It's the RIGHT thing to do. The GOOD thing....And I THOUGHT being right and good were what we were SUPPOSED to be....

Sera:....

Her eyes travel along the bandages on Emily's face and down her neck.

Sera:....*She sighs* At least wait until your wounds have healed....And we can fit you with some prosthetics for your wings...I imagine you'll need them down there.

Adam: What?!

Lute: You can't SERIOUSLY be entertaining this-!

Sera silenced both of them with a look.

Sera: Effective immediately, ALL Exterminations are indefinitely canceled and the Exorcist army is to put on leave. NO ONE is to go to Hell without MY permission.

Adam:....Fine...

Sera: Good. *Her angry gase then focuses on Lute* And YOU. You are to be stripped of ALL rank, position and power as Lieutenant of the Exorcists.....and I do NOT want to see your face anywhere near me OR Emily for the next HUNDRED years. Do I make myself CLEAR?

Lute:....Yes ma'am....

She flies off.

Adam: Uh, hey! Who's gonna fucking help me lead now?!

Sera: Your SON is waiting in line to lead, isn't he? HE can be your new lieutenant.

Adam: Awww, come on, ABIE? I mean, don't get me wrong, he's great, he's MY kid after all, but the guys a PUSSY.

Sera: ADAM....

Adam:...Alright, alright, whatever....

He flies off too.

Sera then looks to Emily.

Sera: Im going to trust you in this Emily....Just...promise you'll be careful....Please?

Emily: I will. *She holds up her pinky* Pinkie promise.

Sera gets a warm smile and locks her pinkie around Emily's.

One- Your characters can be bad people, they can do bad things. There doesn't have to be a reason or a moral. You can make them bad if you want to. No other reason needed.

Two- it doesn't have to be good, it just needs to be written. On my last book i literally wrote the words "dumbest version" on the top of the page because I had seen some advice to do that. It changed everything. I stopped trying to make it perfect, I just tried to make it. Period. Full stop. You can edit bad writing. You can't edit a blank page.

A figureskater, with all the grace and brutality that implies

She is also filled with seething rage and bloodlust! She is going to tear a throat out with her teeth and who matters less by the day

A scribe by birth, a hero by choice.

Taking up their spear and dagger to share Michael's burden of protection, walking as his right hand every since.

Between that, their messenger duties, their ties to nature's fauna, overseeing the industrial sector of mortal Society, their leadership of the lesser archangels, etc and as the most morally driven of the Heirs they've become an incredibly respected figure with a hand in almost everything. Heaven beloved paragon.

Mute silent and possibly deaf, but able to echo the words of others and scribble their thoughts into air through blessings of their Father. And sing because rules of musical triumph all others.

Prev versions; this one gave me some real trouble

the strangest fandom hobby is plotty fanfiction, the kind that requires research, because engaging in this hobby makes no goddamned sense.

it doesn’t even give anybody masturbation material, which is at least a logical and admirable goal that contributes to the betterment of society, or at least society’s solitary orgasms.

PROPAGANDA:

[Starscream]

"He would be STRUTTING with it. He's gonna raise an ARMY of LOYAL UNDERLINGS and they're going to make him RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. also he would be fucking miserable and so so angry and i think that would be fun."

"I need need need my conniving flying bastard man to be pregnant, he'd be so insufferable about it. Can you imagine? TFP Starscream would use his pregnancy as a way to manipulate the autobots and pretend to "care so much about my precious baby" and then he'd stab everyone in the back. G1 Starscream would have a bunch of grand dreams of shaping his baby into the ultimate Megatron-killing weapon and then they rule the galaxy together."

"I need to see him manipulate someone into getting him pregnant only to abort it in an attempt to hurt them only to have no effect at all. I need this."

"He’s funny and endlessly miserable in most continuities and I think being pregnant would make him happy even if he complained about it at the time."

"LISTEN……. It would be funny as shit if all the time he tried to usurp Megatron he succeeded in the one thing he didn’t want and lost so disgracefully. And in some media interpretations having “kids” or pets mellows that fucked up prideful and very much traumatized abused but unwilling to admit it and look for help man."

Starscream propaganda from last season

[Gomez]

"It's not fair if Morticia's the only one hogging all the pain of childbirth. Her hubby wants some too!"

I can't draw, but look at those hips.

Get that jet pregnant!

the way Jean throws herself into the work, setting herself aside as she never wants others to go through what she and Barbara had to, separated and living different lives to their parents expectations.

the way Diluc handles Diona, they share both the hurt and the dislike of alcohol. both losing their family members to it. Diona watching her father wasting away and Diluc watching Kaeya downing drink after drink yet both not being able to refuse them it as its the only thin line keeping them close.

them three, not realising that there's more to life than expectations and the past and fate.