So, yeah, I'm a very tired 32 year old with a degree in Geology. This blog is just a miss-mash of stuff that makes me laugh, star wars trash, and some occasional art. Art is listed under #relicdraws, writing under #relicwrites. 18+ only. Fair warning: if your blog is empty and you still have the default icon, there is a good chance I'll think you're a bot and block you.
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americans love doxxing their home states more than anything. we hear the name of our home state and everything goes black and we wake up 10 minutes later, having reblogged no fewer than 8 posts featuring the name of our home state
A fantasy story starting with the protagonist minding her own business gathering firewood, when a demon appears out of nowhere announcing that she belongs to him now. The protagonist demands to know on what grounds, she's never signed no damn contract. The demon is kind of baffled by this, and awkwardly explains that just now her father had promised his firstborn for something, and she is his firstborn.
The protagonist digs her heels in and says no, she never knew her biological father and by the way the demon explained the situation, evidently her father also doesn't know that he already has a daughter, so therefore the man who had made no contribution to her life after he bred and fled has no claim to her as something he could barter.
Not giving a shit about the fact she's gambling her life in doing so, the protagonist makes contact with the local woodland fae, asking them to negotiate on her side. The fae think that this is fucking hilarious and go with her. So, having lawyered up and with a reluctant demon in tow, the protagonist heads off on a quest to find her father and do whatever it takes to wrangle everyone involved into unmaking the contract.
The Exorcist and the Rabbi are partners... When the problem is talkative the Rabbi takes the lead, when the problem is violent the Exorcist is in their element.
A Jewish peasant girl turned moneylender, Miriam, ends up stuck married to the fae king of winter. The daughter of a duke gets stuck married to the emperor, who is possessed by a demon.
The plot is the two of them trying to survive, get divorced through any means necessary, and save their respective people.
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So like I've said on a previous post, I've gotten into Star Wars model kits, and while at first I tried to stick with ships and vehicles, I eventually ran out and had to turn to figures.
Still I had a lot of fun (and stress) painting the Trooper kit, who I've named Breach aka CT-8724 of the 212th Attack Battalion.
[More pics and my process below the cut]
So I've painted enough kits now to realize that it's easier to paint some of the pieces while they're still on the runners, before you put them together. In order to do that, I needed to figure out the design of his paint. I originally wanted to make him one of the Coruscant Guard but I don't have a good history with red paint and any mistake I made would be much more obvious than it would with the yellow.
Thankfully I was able to find a really good clone armor template, so I printed it off and eventually came up with this.
From there I painted what I could on the runners.
Put some of it together and painted a little more.
Then fully assembled him so I could complete the painting.
The last part of the painting--the central helmet and chest design--was the part that scared me the most because it had the most chance of going wrong. I use enamel paint, so making a mistake would be nearly impossible to fix, and the clone trooper kit was no longer available so I couldn't get another one.
At pretty much every step I used an obscene amount of masking tape to make sure I didn't mess up, and that got cranked up to 100 with this. It's not unusual for the masking to take much longer than the painting itself, but in my experience it's always worth it even if you have to cut tiny slivers of tape and place them with tweezers.
So there he is, in his full glory + some subtle weathering (although the pic of his back is from before the weathering). He came with 2 helmets (Phase 1 and 2), a pair of open hands, a pair of fists, a pair of gripping hands for the weapons, and two guns.
Usually I use black wash to weather my models, but I wanted brown for this one since it would look more like dirt and mud.
The base model was purely white with the black undersuit, black guns, and grey on that band on the helmet and the soles of his boots, any other color was something I added.
Like all Bandai kits, this one was beautifully made and fit together perfectly. I've tried a few different brands, but Bandai is always, hands down, my favorite.
[My only gripe is that most of their kits are out of production so they can often be hard to find or very expensive.]
I am deeply offended by this! I was reading thoughts on what D&D classes the characters of The Mummy (1999) would be, and there was a comment that Jonathan was obviously a rogue, but either a badly built one or one with shit dice rolls. And! Excuse you? Jonathan is a perfectly acceptable rogue! He rolls fine when he’s actually attempting to do something!
In the first movie alone, some of his greatest hits:
Successfully pickpocketed Rick on their first meeting, without Rick so much as joining the dots until later.
Survives a pitched battle on a burning ship without a scratch, and somehow gets the key from a burning hook-handed enemy mook in the process. (“And did I panic? I think not!”)
Survives a pitched battle in the Hamunaptra ruins while drunk, through liberal use of cover and picking off targets at range.
Rolls a Nat 20 on his deception check to avoid being massacred by a large group of hynotised enemies in the museum.
Survives the final pitched battle with the undead (again, through liberal use of cover, hiding and running).
Successfully makes his intelligence roll to translate the Book of Amun Ra (with the Help action from Evie).
Successfully uses the resulting control over the undead mooks to even out the battlefield, including the genius brain move of sending them after Ankh-Su-Namun to both save Evie and distract Imhotep.
Successfully pickpockets a lich while being strangled by him to regain the key and enable Evie to use the book to banish Imhotep altogether.
Yes, he’s fairly flimsy in direct battle, and if at all possible refuses to get to melee range with anybody. So he’s a ranged rogue, and has a tendency to use the environment to his advantage. But he’s clearly designed around Sleight of Hand, Charisma, and a decent sprinkling of Intelligence, and prefers to use object interactions and battlefield control to even out his odds. For all that, though, he fully will stay in melee range if he has no other choice, and take the opportunity to pickpocket the BBEG while he’s at it.
He's a perfectly serviceable rogue, he’s just not optimised for straight combat. And even there, as the second movie shows, he’s excellent at ranged combat. He just doesn’t like getting up close and personal.
Actually, going back and rewatching that final battle again ... I don't think that Jonathan stayed in range of Imhotep because he had no choice. He stayed in range specifically to pickpocket him.
I didn't realise before, but this whole battle starts with Evie telling Jonathan that the only way to kill Imhotep is to open the book and read the spell to banish him. Jonathan says it's locked, they need the key, and Evie then tells him it's in Imhotep's robes.
When Jonathan sends the priest mummies after Ankh-Su-Namun with the spell on the cover (saving both Rick and Evie in the process), Imhotep is coming right for him. However, Imhotep is then briefly disabled by watching the brutal murder of his lover all over again, and Jonathan ... could have run. There's a beat there where Imhotep is completely focused on something else, and Jonathan absolutely has the presence of mind to use that, but he doesn't. Imhotep, now incensed that Jonathan has murdered his lover, promptly spins back around and goes to murder him back, and is only stopped because Rick returns the favour from earlier and saves him.
At which point a lightly-strangled Jonathan stands back up and tells Evie he got the key.
He fucking stayed put on purpose because he knew they needed the key, that Imhotep had the key, and that he was the only person who could fucking pickpocket the BBEG mid-strangulation and get away with it, so long as someone could swoop in before the undead wizard actually killed him. Imhotep is immortal and immune to damage if they don't do something about that. This is a fight of attrition they cannot win. And his sister told him what they needed to stop it, so Jonathan went and got it.
He cheerfully calls himself a coward, and then he goes and fatally pisses off a lich as a distraction, and then stands still to be murdered for it in order to get close enough to pickpocket the immortal pissed off undead. It wasn't that he took the opportunity while being strangled, he set up being strangled in order to have the opportunity.
Say whatever the hell you like about that man, but he has never once failed to do something his family actually needed him to do.
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Chef (voiceover): I'm a private chef for a famous billionaire and here's the average meal I cook. I start with chopping some green onions and shredding cabbage, and then I get it into that wok, then I keep chopping some -
Kaiba: Dammit. I lost to him again.
Chef: Oh Mr. Kaiba, welcome home s-
Kaiba: Quiet! Blue Eyes white Dragon nuggies. Now.
Chef: But sir, th-this is the fourth time -
Kaiba: No questions! Just do it.
Chef: *heavy sigh*
End transcript]
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