Ten Billion Years of Bullshit

It was a clitorical question

never going to be over that time I was trying to explain polyamory to my mum, and she said "I just don't understand how someone could be in love with two people at once" and I gave her my the-cognitive-dissonance-is-causing-me-physical-pain face and she said "what??" and I very quietly said "mother....you had an affair...."

The first saw trap was the garden of eden, really

hate when a motherfucker says he has dark humor and then it turns out he just means he knows racial slurs

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

Keep salting the wound I'm close

I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it

it’s small joys saturday y’all let’s get it

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

this isn't the gif i thought it would be .

one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*

i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that “une pipe” is slang for blowjob