if i fits i'm soup

I think the university course database should have a filter to only show classes taught by extremely old people who are insane

(sat in the beautiful sunshine listening to the birds sing) god i wish a stranger was watching true crime content super loud 20 feet away

when i was but a wee babe the wet nurse accidentally dropped a sufferingberry into my open mouth and thats how this all got started

manager today asked if i’d face paint for an event my work is hosting and she said “you can face paint, right? we all just assumed you could face paint” which is a fun assessment of my character

They should make a mother that doesn't inspire suicidal ideation in her children

6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

this doesn't apply to jobs like childcare

If i worked in childcare and my 6 hours were up i would start putting babies in ziploc bags and shipping them to Turkmenistan listed as endangered fruits and vegetables

life could be so much easier if i could oscillate between a pussy and a dick at will but im sure many people feel this way

it's actually so crazy how much the simpsons would fucking suck if it didn't have any of the simpsons characters. just a bunch of shots of empty houses and streets for half an hour while nothing happens. that would be so badddd lol

yeah that tends to happen when you remove characters from media. without characters its all just background. i guess movies set in scenic locations would still land as kinda nature docs but even then

it only happens with the simpsons

this same criticism could be applied to nearly any media ever.

it's just the simpsons. are you a troll?

Dragon's right, if you remove all the Simpsons characters from Death Note it hardly changes anything

A horse's biggest purpose in life is to make you think they died

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.