@microbial-stew - Tumblr Blog

nobody:

public bathroom stalls:

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blurds

this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks

luxshine

The “Thunk” will always kill me.

louisegluckpdf

we need to invent a spray tan-style treatment but instead of spraying you with tanning stuff it sprays you with heavy duty spf. and it lasts a few weeks so that way you can just get your spf spray a few times a summer instead of having to spend 10 minutes every day getting sticky and oily and making sure the sunscreen is all rubbed in. how do i get on shark tank

klausie

‌<sourdough>

‌<sauce style=" type:mayo flavor:cranberry"></sauce>

‌<cheese style="type:swiss"></cheese>

‌<meat style="animal:pig, cut:bacon"></meat>

‌</sourdough>

</panini>

wizardshark

Missing comma in the sauce style bro our panini has a syntax error

trilliastra

maybe Delilah's boyfriend is drowning in the ocean and the song is his final goodbye

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dailyraccoons

One of my good friends took THE FUNNIEST possible picture of a frequent visitor to his courtyard

hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard

just learned about farming simulator

I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it

Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?

Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.

Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.

There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.

hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard

post cancelled this is way funnier

loaf--of--toast

My buddy who is a farmer has the type of planter that drives itself across the field using GPS at a steady speed, and he just needs to turn it around at the end of each row. He added a little folding desk to his chair and plays farming simulator on it while he plants.

hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard

okay playing farming simulator while farming is crazy

needsmoreexplosions

nudityandnerdery

Look, people hate the real world and come home and play The Sims.

tfemflightinstructor

lumsel

There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"

The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.

We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...

unusual-pybro

m1dori-eyes

Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

hellenhighwater

We had heavy rain last night-- the kind that usually means worms coming up--so I fully expected Vice to have brought me one. Here is this morning's gift:

Two wool dryer balls! Stolen fron the laundry downstairs. Good job Vice!

So proud.

hellenhighwater

Also please know that sometimes my phone tries to do portrait mode and gets it really wrong and instead gives me these cat cutouts on solid color backgrounds.

hellenhighwater

Spot the difference

hellenhighwater

thesuninperigee

Hey, boss, how's this?

qwuilleran

scienceandstorytelling

paxamericana

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

wrenchinator-central

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.

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its-always-silly-season

Valentino Rossi by Gigi Soldano // COTA 2019

stitchposts

dragon-in-a-fez

big fan of the four-year-old on this flight who yelled "THEY ARE BRINGING COMPLEMENTARY BEVERAGES" when the flight attendants came down with the drinks cart

uss-emberprise

smile-files

i love organization i love diagrams i love clearly defined hierarchical relationships i love structured systems that we can understand precisely because they're structured systems (lepidoptera taxonomy whizzes by) GUH. WHAT WAS THAT

polarbearqueer3527

if you love these things, taxonomy is not for you. taxonomy is for if you love arguing about these things.

penny-anna

a friend of a friend has rats and apparently recently one of her rats escaped and then came home pregnant. the rat has now given birth to several babies that have grown up into brown rats that are, i gather, 'wily'.

penny-anna

if this was a work of xenofiction what would happen next is the rat babies would have to return to the wild to seek their destiny, perhaps find their mysterious father rat?? but alas they will remain pets

penny-anna

here are the rats:

penny-anna

@stphell mama rat:

purpleisdebeste

I’m sorry Orpheus i was too harsh on you…

purpleisdebeste

i was in the physics lab today and we were working with lasers, so the Lab Freaks (legal name) were being very careful to stress that we Do Not Turn Around or Look Behind Us because we’ll get extremely blinded by the power of high strength lasers

and i’m not gonna lie it was actually extremely hard to resist turning around. i misjudged orpheus it turns out this isnt extremely easy actually

purpleisdebeste

okay i’ll be honest i 100% looked back at the lasers. actually multiple separate lasers multiple different times. they were pretty

and i didnt get blinded. so clearly lab safety isnt real and you should always risk it cus taking risks is awesome #gambling

but uh. my ass is NOT making it out of the underworld 🔥🔥🔥

overnightshipping

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming