Purple is the best and so am I!

why r callouts always like "please dont harass this person and dont go after them. anyway heres every single detail of their life gathered by stalking and their private profiles for all to see"

"please don't go after this person! now let me post this document for every single one of my followers and list every single one of their usernames"

so I know the "correct" spelling of milktoast is milquetoast so I decided to look up the etymology and apparently it's from the name of a fictional character who's named after milk toast but spelled with a que to make it look french. so I guess go ahead and spell it milktoast

congratulations! you've successfully learned that you should fact check etymology claims you see online! keep doing this!

i just met an actual wizard on the train and im grieving because i know i’ll never meet anyone that cool for the rest of my life

in space no one can hear you moan like a girl

Ground control here, we can hear you just fine

The first tower doesn't collapse right away. That's attention to detail right there!

Let's note that the girl who does the cartwheels is representing the plane where the passengers revolted and crashed it into a field before it could hit the white house.

I am deducting points because the pentagon has four sides instead of five.

I don't know how anyone can get any work done when there's so many spreadsheets to be made

stupid running joke i love is how every single splatoon campaign has some moment where the idols are like "surely you recognize us, the world-famous squid sisters/off the hook/deep cut" and the player character just. doesn't. because normally the punchline of this sort of joke is that haha they aren't actually that famous, they just have an overinflated sense of ego, but that is demonstrably not the case here. these are actual bona-fide megastars who just so happen to keep enlisting god's most autistic soldiers. the universe is conspiring against them to find the single most out-of-the-loop person in the world at any given moment and send them to save the day. this rocks. i hope they never stop pulling this shit

Has anyone else noticed recently that when you press the 🅐 Button while in the air you can hardly find the strength to do a Double Jump anymore? Go ahead and try if you want, but it won't work.

Nothing's been the same since she... fuck... I'm sorry... since she... since she left this world. If only I'd remembered that holding and releasing the 🅑 Button would've allowed me perform a powerful Spin Attack. If I hadn't forgotten, she might still be here today. Shit... fuck... I can't handle this anymore, I'm sorry.

There's a Save Point over there. They say if you stand on it and press 🅧 you can save your game. But can any of us really be saved? I don't think so. Not after everything we've done.

Press the 🅜 Button to undo the damage from this War. Oh? There's no 🅜 Button on your Controller? Funny that.

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

[freeze frame] You aren't wondering anything [unfreezes frame]

I'm very curious what joke people are getting out of this. Pleade reblog with why you laughed because I am struggling to get the joke. and I wrote it

useless freeze frames are already a funny joke and then combining that with the idea of a movie telling me what im thinking is funnier