Very Dangerous Over Short Distances.

The Snowman!!

nayrb-alidra

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.

w-what if potato is actually lucky

we goin’ for it 💪

Please money marge, send me a job callback

I don’t know what’s funnier, how she said physical activities or the snort.

I love how she gradually loses it. She gives it her best try and then you can just hear where her composure starts breaking down.

i always lose it when her voice trips into the fifth dimension as she says physical activities 

eeee my other favorite goat video

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

Unquestionably one of the funniest things I own is the draft first chapter of an evolutionary biology textbook written by one of my grad professors, in which he made approximately 1/3 of the figures himself in MS Paint with absolutely no graphic design skills or artistic ability.

He had been banned from teaching undergrads and shunted to teaching graduate classes, in the hopes that we would be able to decipher his mad genius ramblings. These hopes were in vain.

This feels like he's just one or two MS Paint bmp files away from successfully cloning dinosaurs and/or accidentally starting a plague.

@yarpfish Thanks for reminding me about my “recent developments in bio anth” module in which I learned nothing and business anth where the professor printed out PowerPoints onto acetate and used an overhead projector 🤣

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.

Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.

MOANA?!