these are still the most hilarious
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EXPECTATIONS
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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we're not kids anymore.
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Fai_Ryy

shark vs the universe
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
noise dept.

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@krishneide
these are still the most hilarious
Official ominous signs

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Our home security system is being updated today, and the guy in charge is just peak Gen Z, no professional fucks given vibe and it's hysterical.
"I mean, I'm supposed to recommend stuff, like you should probably put a sensor on that window too, but like, that's really a you decision. I just have to say this stuff out loud so I don't get sued if you get broken into."
"So, like, just to clarify, you don't want the cameras, right? Only I need to make sure because sometimes people say no on the phone, and then when I'm leaving, they ask me why I haven't installed the cameras yet, and I'm just like, that's a you problem, I'm going home."
*leaning around the corner of my office to talk to me* "Hey, do you know where [Mothman] went? Actually, never mind, you're probably the detail-oriented one. I can tell by the *gestures at my candy-floss-colored goth office* whatever this is.
So like, the new alarm panel is smaller than the old one, and the old one pulled off some of the paint, I can try to hide it, but it won't be perfect... You don't care? Sweet. I'm always ready for people to yell at me."
"Hey, so I need to test the smoke alarm before we put it up, but I don't want to frighten your little dog. I'll try to muffle it, but you might want to hold her." *clutching the alarm to his abdomen like Steve Rogers falling on a grenade* "I'm sorry little dog, I'm so sorry."
But was Little Dog frightened??
She was, but she was also very brave and got a treat.
You can't find out everything from books, you know. I think I read that once. THE SECRET OF KELLS (2009) dir. Tomm Moore, Nora Twomey
Sheep in Human Clothing

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my hyperfixation on teenwolf
ppl who oppose gender affirming care for kids are nuts like the extent of medical intervention for trans kids is maybe puberty blockers but they’ll still be like “SO UR SAYING WE SHOULD LET TODDLERS HAVE TOP SURGERY???????” barbara toddlers do not have a top to surgery
Saw someone asking "so do you endorse giving puberty blockers to five year olds?"
Friend, a five year old should not have puberty to block. If they do that's called precocious puberty and is the original reason puberty blockers were invented. If a five year old is going through puberty I absolutely endorse them being given puberty blockers
WHO GOT CAUGHT!?
I love that the highlight is on playing Flight Rising when everything else on this list is objectively funnier
Wanted to see the entries covered by the circle. Heres a clean version for others.
Drawing a tree? A squid?
official michigan post
How to protect yourself during stampede
this isn’t the usual thing I’d share on my stupid nerd blog, but this is SO important. I was nearly crushed in a crowd like this once. It was terrifying because you have NO control over the panicking mass of humans around you. you are just at the mercy of all this chaotic force. this is a real thing that can happen very suddenly! it did happen in the news recently! My situation was, the olympics was happening in my city, I was on my way home from school, and a crowd of people suddenly flooded into the street around me. in seconds it went from, busy-city-street-crowded, to, wtf I can’t even move crowded. I was so pressed against the backpack of the man in front of me, my feet lifted off the ground a moment. People were climbing lamp posts, signs, bus shelters, trees, everything to get up out of it. it was like the street became an ocean of people, and all the people’s survival instincts were making them dumber. everyone was yelling. no one knew how to solve it. police, fire fighters and medics saved us by breaking the locks on the inside of the mall we were trapped next to. a huge group flooded into the building, releasing a bit of the pressure on the people outside. I was in that group that got in.
We were trapped in the mall awhile. Because the olympics was on, they had big screens in a few sitting areas of the mall that would normally be showing the games. but now the coverage was focused on this crowd surge. They showed a helicopter shot of the building we were now in, totally surrounded by colorful dots. a solid mass of humans with no space between. I know someone was partially trampled and needed medics, because I saw that, but i don’t know the statistics on who else was hurt, hopefully no one killed! I don’t know if these methods can definitely save you, but they might give you a better chance. so watch and share!
Sharing to my own stupid nerd blog for the same reason, this is SO IMPORTANT. Human crushes are one of the most unexpected ways to die. People go out to a show or a sports game, and make it there, but they never come back. Other strategies include staying away from large obstacles (like fences) that you could get crushed against, and doing your best to stay above the crowd. Try to climb onto something if you can.
And also — not to get nitpicky with deadly tragedies, but they’re called “human crushes,” not “stampedes.” It’s an important difference in description and also in respect. The deaths usually happen because the victims are pinned together in a tight space, they can’t breathe (as in the video) and they suffocate. “Stampede” doesn’t convey what actually happened to those people. The crush that happened in Seoul recently wasn’t because people “stampeded,” it was because they couldn’t move at all and they suffocated. But calling it a “stampede,” you’d think it was the people themselves that ran over each other, like wild animals. It’s disrespectful and untrue.
Horrifyingly, the victims of many human crushes have been blamed for their own deaths, which are usually purely accidental or due to criminal mismanagement from authorities. If you’re in a mental place to read about tragedies and police corruption, check out the Hillsborough Disaster, in which 97 people died due to the incompetence of the police, who then blamed everything on the victims: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillsborough_disaster
If you can’t play the video:
1. Stand like a boxer. Nice wide stance, arms up like you’re preparing to either throw a punch or shield against one, i.e. elbows bent by your waist and fists by your shoulders. That will keep some space around your chest
2. If you fall and can’t get up, roll onto your side and curl up in the foetal position

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Imagine living with a huge goose plush. Now you can with this Super Soft, Adorable and Squishable Big Goose Plush. This will make a Lovely Gift for your Friends and Family!
==> AVAILABLE HERE <==
I...have a great need
legitimately have one of these as a match present with my sis after medical stuff, it did great along with pillows when I couldn’t put my head below 30 degrees for a while. Frederick is the best
@satans-knitwear @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @drukhari @soulsearcher33
Remembering when I went over to my female teacher's house in 5th grade and saw that she lived with another female teacher & went home going "wow, so teachers really do all live together!" & then my family had to explain to me what lesbians are
This reminds me of when I was a kid and my very Scottish grandma did child minding for extra money. At one point she looked after these three siblings that were adopted from Guatemala. The kids had two moms. It was the 90s and I'm Canadian.
Now, you would think that even in the 90s most adults would see two women who live in the same house and have adopted children together and think "Harold, they're lesbians". My mom certainly did, internally, but my grandma never brought it up, leaving my mom to wonder whether my grandma was being uncharacteristically discreet or if there was something about the situation my mom was misreading.
One day my grandma needed a hand with something to do with the kids, so my mom came over to the house, whereupon she noticed that the two women who lived together slept in one bedroom, and said "ohhh, they're lesbians."
To which my grandmother indignantly rebutted, "they're not lesbians, they're Scottish."
According to my grandmother, you see, it's cold in Scotland, so women live and sleep together all the time and women who do this are not lesbians, because it's cold (????). Therefore, upon noticing two women living together in Western Canada, adopting children together, and sleeping in the same bed together year-round, my grandma had mentally categorized these women as Scottish.
This is amazing but on the other end of the scale when I lived in Manila so many of my teachers all lived in the same apartment that it was jokingly referred to as Teacher Tower and I thought nothing of it at the time but now I can imagine who could conceivably been in a hypothetical polycule and I’m laughing so hard
Gonna get myself a fun little surprise I guess
This is better than I'd ever hoped for, I bet a rat could kill you with that thing by firing a laser back in time and electrocuting your grandfather
Just look at this thing
The rat gun is hereeeeee!
This is getting notes again so I will admit that "rat gun" was an autocorrect error and it was supposed to be "ray gun."
But it'll always be a rat gun to me.
The most expensive thing in these pictures was the cat, and he was $60.
I'll be honest--I forgot that the pump organ desk/bar was visible in the background, and it was NOT under $60.
It was actually $75.
The chairs, however, were paid for in human life. I inherited them; they were originally my great grandmother's. But they're not particularly rare-- you can find these exact chairs without a lot of effort, in reasonable shape, for not that much money. They made a lot of them.
your gazelle has a pearl choker
That's Hadrian. He's a bush buck and he loves fashion.
Hi you asked this question and I immediately went to the pottery studio to make a calcifer to put in my woodstove.
Will update if he survives the kiln.
i am still on tenterhooks vis a vis calcifer 🥺🥺🥺
I just brought him home from the pottery studio and wired him for light. He lives!!!!!
OP just wondering do you like have the closet to Narnia tucked in there somewhere?
Dude, c'mon, these things take time.
Give me a couple hours.
Okay!! We have doordrobe! It's not quite done but after nearly turning myself into an hellpancake while carrying this in from the garage to the house, I feel like I should call it a night.
Right now it's not going into a secret room (but the Angel of Death (And WiFi) behind it does have a secret compartment for my router? Does that count) but Malice and Vice are still exploring it like it's a whole new world.
The House of Horrors continues to be...well, exactly what it is.
Oh, no, all radioactive materials go in The Box.
please explain. Do you actually have a lead lined box for radioactive objects, or are you just talking about the router behind the painting?
The Box.
Not people's teeth, no.
Holy shit. This just keeps getting better and better. Absolutely marvelous house. What other treasures do you have in that house?
I recently got some very silly dishes and a telescope!
All of these accusations of witchcraft! As if the vibe in this house could be any more clearly Artificer.

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All roads lead to Rome, all lineages evolve to CRAB 🦀🦀
official crab post
The radius and ulna are among my favourite bones specifically because they do this
I hate this. I hate that they do this. I think about this every time I rotate my wrist. It seems like the sort of thing that would go wrong in all sorts of horrible ways and leave a bone sticking out of my skin. and yet it keeps happening. every day of my life.
I rotate my arms regularly just because I like it when they do this.
iiiiiii dont. think thats how bones work
Here are two videos on Reddit demonstrating how the radius bone rotates around the ulna bone: link / link
Yeah i doubt someone would make these gifs for the purpose of an online joke so I have no choice but to believe it
i have a degree is bones (bioarchaeology) this is how bones work and i hate it
For fellow autistic people who aren't sure whether this is a joke: I asked my mother, who has an MD, and she said this is in fact how those bones rotate
You also can either use Google or Literally Just Feel Your Arm Where The Bones Are
This post continues to piss me off because of the number of people who are disturbed or in denial about this extremely simply checkable fact. If you can't handle your arm bones rotating, how the fuck can you be prepared to find out that when doctors do abdominal surgery they just shove your intestines back in there, and the intestines wiggle their way back into place? What about the fact that your eyeballs are on a separate immune system from the rest of your body and need to be hidden from your main immune system so it doesn't start attacking them. Do you even know that digestion should be an extremely painful process but your brain just blocks it out? You people disgust me