Wow.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

— —

“man, i can’t wait for thanksgiving! what pie is your favourite, hollzy?”

“fruit should not be hot” (walks off screen)

— —

“hey, has anyone seen my toothbrush? it’s purple” (rookie panicking, looking through his bag)

“why the fuck would you have a purple toothbrush?! that’s just fucked up”

“wh-what..?” (absolute look of confused hurt)

“the only acceptable colours for a toothbrush is blue or green. don’t worry - when we land, i’ll get you a new one” (deadpan as hell)

“…thanks hollzy”

“no problem, rook”

— —

“now who in their right mind would drink fanta lemon when the regular fanta exists? what the fuck ilya?!” (husband hollzy organising the fridge)

“i like it”

except for the fact that it's now ilya's turn to be VERY nervous about what shane is going to say in front of his parents in a reversal of shane having about three heart attacks concurrently thinking he was going to have to hear ilya explain the concept of fuckbuddies during the dinner scene

@commanderbabyboy

ilya uses the like 0.5 seconds he's got when david is going to get coffee and yuna is stepping into the hall to SO gently take shane's face in his hands and get his attention like "hey, hey, shane, can you focus, please? ye-no, sweetheart, don't touch the gauze again. okay, do you want to be good for me?"

*muffled because there's cotton in his mouth* "yesh :)"

"good, you are always so good for me" *head kiss* "now, i need you to be VERY good and NOT talk until i say so, okay?"

"but you like when i'm loud, don't you?" *big, teary eyes* "you don't want me to tell you when i feel good?" *wobbly lip that would break a FAR harder heart than ilya's, especially when shane also currently has some very cute chipmunk cheeks happening*

"no, no, dorogoy, you know i love all of your pretty words and sounds." *smooch smooch* "but this is a new game, okay? we are trying something new together."

*still slightly sniffly but nod nod* "my shafeword is fashe-off"

*clinging to composure with the tips of his fingers* "yes, very good. but right now you are not going to say ANY words, okay?"

*nod nod and pleased little smile because he remembers The Rules under these circumstances* "then i tap you three timesh"

*SO close to fully having a breakdown* "yes, very good. and now time to be quiet, yes?"

*shane almost hits himself in the face miming zipping his lips shut*

and this works GREAT

...until the nurse asks shane what his pain level is on a scale of 1-10, and shane remains SILENT. and the nurse is, "shane? we can adjust your pain medication if you need. it's not a trick question." and shane just lolls his head over to the side and BEAMS at ilya because Look How Good I Am Being. :)

in fucking TEARS imagining shane whining through his nose (because not speaking! he remembers The Rules!!) as ilya is now trying to pull his hands away, and the nurse is just "oh, honey, don't worry. no one's going to be selling photos of the two of you holding hands here. we don't let cameras in past the door."

and thank you, ma'am, that's very kind

but it's NOT the fucking issue here

adding @nightquills