So, for a while I was doing mailroom/account followup work for a nonprofit, and on my firt day there, one of the ladies, βDebbieβ asked me when my Birthday was. Assuming she was planning office Birthday parties, I told her.
The next day she came in with my ENTIRE star chart with personality tropes, life advice, predicitons for my future and so on. Now, I donβt go in for Astrology but I can tell when someone is making a well-meaning gesture and I can say βThank youβ and shut up.
Especially because I told her the Wrong Birthday.
See, my birthday is in the middle of a cluster of a whole bunch of family birthdays and growing up I used to have to share my Birthday with my older cousins and while thatβs not really a big deal (even fun if youβre older) it kinda sucks when youβre five and none of your cousins share your interests.
So mom made a deal with me: Weβd celebrate my βUn-Birthdayβ in January, when nobody else in the family has a birthday or anything else, and the βrealβ birthday would be my Cousinβs. I got my own birthday and they got a second party and it was fun.
As I got older, I just started using my Un-Birthday for everything except paperwork, becuase January is boring and bereft of holidays except the one thatβs really part of Xmas these days. On paperwork, I put my real one, but Iβve been celebrating my birthday in the wrong month for over 25 years now, and didnβt think about it when she asked, and told her my Un-Birthday.
And for a few weeks everything was fine.
Another woman in the office βSharonβ was also big into Astrology and was convinced Debbie was Doing It Wrong, so when she was going over payroll, she saw my Legal Birthday, realized Debbie had filled out the chart wrong, and then proceded to drag Debbie on the company facebook group, and a bunch of astrology groups they were both in.
I found out when I came in three days later from a long weekend and Debbie burst into tears and sobbed βHOW COULD YOU LIE TO MEEEEEE???β
After an extremely garbled recounting by our coworkers, a talk with my manager about βHey yeah I donβt think itβs Legal for Sharon to take my name and date of birth from Payroll and put it all over facebook?β, the manager had a talk about βI know you are all over 50 but this is NOT WHAT THE COMPANY FACEBOOK IS FORβ, Sharon was βremoved from the premesisβ and I finally got to sit down with Debbie.
I explained the slip-up and how I sort of have two birthdays and think of the January Birthday is my βRealβ one.
Debie looked up from where sheβd been sobbing into her tissue all morning, realization dawning on her less like the illumination of the sun and more like a baby sea turtle headed in the wrong direction because of light Pollution.
βOh!β She said βYouβre TRANS-ZODIAC! You might have been born as an Aries, but youβre really a Capricorn!β
As someone whoβs been hit by a minivan and gotten a minor skull fracture from it, Iβm pretty sure hearing that sentence gave me more brain damage.
