Puffins + Bears (hiatus)

Ever since I was a little boy I knew I needed to be deeply ashamed of my desires wants and of course also needs

I should start posting franz kafka style diary quotes but it’s from my journal from when I was 11/12 and obsessed with naruto 

sneezed so hard my cum flew out and i started crying

Gum.

Kicked out of the cracker barrel because I wouldn't stop calling the waiter "cracker boy"

Some names just sound so ridiculously fake that had they been fictional, people would’ve rolled their eyes in complete disbelief. Like seriously. Wdym there’s a mf called Galileo Galilei. Stfu. You just made that up

Fastest man on earth is a guy called Usain Bolt. Sure I guess. There’s a poker player whose real name is Chris Moneymaker. Whatever. Scott Speed is a racecar driver. Founder of Tito’s Vodka is some guy called Bert Beveridge. There’s a former CNN bureau chief called William Headline. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

[ID: Andrew Drinkwater, water research center. Dr Dick Chopp, urologist. Tweet by @JimMFelton “Do you have any other urologists I could talk to?” PC Rob Banks, Avon & Somerset Police. Lieutenant Les McBurney, Sun Prairie Fire Department. /end ID]

US Army Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster.

theyre taking your ass to rabbit kindergarten

Hey, mind if I bypass your stagger resistance with an untelegraphed grapple whose animation takes like ten seconds to play out? Yeah, no, it's totally noninteractive for its full duration, and it specifically lacks a regular knockdown's property of rendering you immune to splash damage from other attacks. Cool, right?

There's literally nothing you can do about it because it's implemented entirely on the animation layer and doesn't interact with any of your traits. I really feel like this could be the next big thing – I tried explaining it to the zone boss, but they just said I didn't "get it", whatever that means!

#extra funny version: it's a oneshot #extra EXTRA funny version: it barely does any damage so you have to sit through it like five times a fight sometimes (via @lapsedmathematician)

You can now play as 🐗 Hog.