Kinkynafnaf (Kinks)

Picture this, youre a new mum, and baby's had a bad night but last night you both finally got lots of sleep and you want baby to wake up slowly and easy, let them come around in their own time. They are a good baby and all the pets in the house enjoy their company on a scale of tolerate to adore.

You are also the owner of a cat who loves a good chat when he's in a good mood, a chatty catty if you will. The cat however, has claws like needles and had them trimmed last night to prevent said baby from being inadvertently shanked, since this particular cat is closer to the adoration end of the scale for the baby. The cat does not enjoy claw trimmings to say the least, and spent the prior evening sequestered in your side of the wardrobe, hidden by long shirts and jumpers the whole night, sulking.

You, the mother of both skin kitten and fur baby, now have the predicament of the cat finally coming around to being in a good mood and a baby that has slept so well you feel like you might actually get something done today and you want to indulge the chatty catty. Tell him what a good boy he was and have some cuddles, except every time you pet the cat, or stop petting the cat or even beckon the cat you are greeted by a pure unadulterated 'MERP' so you cannot cuddle the cat too hard or else you will wake the baby, but you must acknowledge the bravest little cat for his trials the night prior or he will think you don't love him anymore.

You look up and see the chattiest of cattys is sat on the headboard has taken to saying good morning to his less chatty adopted brother. The silent brother sits atop the hill of adoration for the baby so does not worry about claw trimmings and is staring intently at the baby, as though blinking may cause a calamity to befall said baby.

How do I explain that all these awesome jobs i want to apply for are either in the Midlands or in literally Antarctica and that while yes I've had a baby and i love him and want to be with him all the time, that the call of fucking off somewhere else to do a job i wanna do calls like a siren song??? These are crazy cool awesome jobs. They're not even the jobs where you're actually doing the thing, they're support roles because I cannot ever see myself actually doing the thing, whether thats being the person doing the injection moulding, asking for the tools to do it, or if it mofucking climate change and planetary science research. I'm stuck being the person at the back making sure that every flows smoothly for those people. I don't have the money to finish my degree so that I might have a chance to do that climate change research role.

This need to be somewhere else, where i can pretend I'm not a massive fuck up, where I can pretend that I have it all together, I dont know where it comes from but it sits in my stomach like an aching pit. I want to stay with my family, and yet everything I want to do for a job takes me miles away from them...

I need to provide for them but I also want to be physically present for them. Fucks sake this is painful and headache inducing. I want to put all my chips down for a hail Mary cos I have no idea if I'd be able to stay the course with a job so far away but I want to be able to try! I'm sick of being safe! How the fuck did I get this way? Have I always been this way? I project a persona of wild spontaneity but that isn't me right now. Was it ever? I want to hope it was, at least at one point...