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@queerpeers
friend sent me this unprompted and that’s how you know he’s a keeper
I sent this in response and that’s how he knows I’M a keeper
update he’s proposing to my sister in like a week. jet fuel can’t melt steel beams but they can sure melt each other’s hearts <3
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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so background. my fiancée and my mom have been calling each other “BFF” since we started dating over 5 years ago. like that was my mom’s contact name in Selena’s phone for half a decade.
anyway we just got engaged a few days ago, and now the two of them want to update their nicknames to reflect that. and. well. hold on i gotta gear up for this one
they have decided on “mother in law forever” and “daughter in law forever.” fucking. MILF and DILF. yes they are both FULLY aware of what those mean and not even god and his angels can make them stop
I give in. Thank you to my wife’s MILF for officiating our wedding 🤍
(And yes, my mom did tell the entire wedding this story in her toast. But I only wanted to die like once.)
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
to be clear like yes fuck capitalism in general but this post is specifically referring to me having to see a customer let her dog lick her straw with my own godfearing eyes
artists rendition of me debating if health insurance is worth it
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
to be clear like yes fuck capitalism in general but this post is specifically referring to me having to see a customer let her dog lick her straw with my own godfearing eyes
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
tornados are so fucking stupid like what do you mean thunderstorms just decide they wanna get on the ground and do a little twirl. like be serious
can’t believe i had a paralyzing phobia of weather ballerinas for like 14 years
tornados are so fucking stupid like what do you mean thunderstorms just decide they wanna get on the ground and do a little twirl. like be serious
list of my favorite things i said to customers during my shift today:
“i think your kid is a con artist”
“sorry about that, our staff hasn’t developed object permanence yet”
“hey remember when you tried to run me over with your car”
drinking coffee after the morning adderall wears off is like
a second stimulant has hit the maison
the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
“do you take this alpha to be your omega?”
*woofs* *glomps* *wags tail*
forget disrupting sleep cycles, THIS is why you shouldnt be on your phone right before bed jesus christ
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
“do you take this alpha to be your omega?”
*woofs* *glomps* *wags tail*
the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
can you imagine how pissed lions would be if they found out that there’s a whole 30 days called pride month and it’s not even about them
“fucking PRIDE has no lions??? this is discrimination against the animal kingdom”
*assistant whispers in ear*
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN BEARS GET TO GO”
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
september:
a second ceremony has hit the bank account
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
september:
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
happy pride month eve im putting rainbow flags and lube under your tree and kissing your dad on the way out