space for serious stuff

May 25: Six years since the police murder of George Floyd rocked the world.

This kind of response to things I say about sex work, which isn't always phrased like this but almost always focuses on me being male or a man or my pronouns, shows a fundamental misunderstanding of why mansplaining is bad.

I am a sex worker. I have been for a decade. The majority of people I know are sex workers and I'm embedded in sex worker community. I started before 18 and have done it in brothels, cars, my own home, clients' homes, saunas, and hotels.

"This is like saying female-owned businesses mean nothing because J.K Rowling is a businesswoman". Incredibly, that's exactly what I'm saying. I applaud this critique for correctly identifying how my stance might be applied elsewhere.

But what I would ask is this: do you not remember how JKR (being a successful female author and businesswoman) was lauded as a feminist hero during the peak of the books' success which allowed her to make a large part of modern feminism incredibly TERF-y because of her influence? Because I think we should all do well to remember that.

Interestingly, this critique then goes on to make my entire point for me, albeit maybe slightly more charitably than I. It goes on to say "queer people are not a monolith" and that we should inform ourselves as to who owns these businesses. Yes! Yes! This is my point! Relying purely on identity politics to judge whether businesses (and people) are good or not is bad!

It closes out by saying big corps "don't count" when talking about queer-owned businesses. Honestly? Yeah, I agree. Most of the time, people are talking about small queer-owned businesses. That is because this post is a joke. I have applied the label of "queer-owned business" to some businesses the label is not usually applied to to point out the limits of identity politics in business.

CeCe Rogers on Facebook writes: "Two Black Tennessee lawmakers were physically escorted out of chambers this week while Republicans quietly held a hearing to approve gerrymandered maps that would eliminate the state's only majority-Black congressional district.

No referendum. No special election. No public vote.

Because they know what happens when voters actually get a say — just look at Virginia, where the people spoke so loudly that Republicans had to drag the courts in to override them.

This isn't new. During Reconstruction, Black Americans held more congressional seats than at any point in the prior 90 years of American history. And white supremacists spent the next several decades tearing that down, through gerrymandering, poll taxes, and voter intimidation.

150 years later, the same tools. Different suits.

The audacity of escorting Black lawmakers out of their own chambers while dismantling Black political representation, and then telling us the courts aren't political, is breathtaking. These are the same courts they're counting on to make it stick.

Hey.

The fascists don’t like NASA.

They don’t want stuff like this to happen.

They want to give NASA’s budget to the already bloated military.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s fine to celebrate a massive peaceful scientific achievement that’s a collaboration between the US and Canada space programs during a time when there’s so much bad news elsewhere.

but DO techbros like nasa? a lot of techbros i see are super into the idea of privatized space travel industry and colonizing mars, the first of which nasa is directly opposed to, and the second which nasa isn't really focused on.

The Artemis Accords are one of the first large-scale civil policies about space and related activities to come about since the Outer Space Treaty in 1967. NASA wants to hold people (at least a little) accountable for the junk they're leaving in our orbit, and not enough people talked about this shit back when it got signed, so I wanna talk about it now

While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.

If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.

One of my sisters has young children, both of whom are some flavor of neurodivergent. She is too, and as a result she often lost patience quickly with some of their quirks. The biggest offender is that her kids are extremely wary around anyone they deem to be a stranger, making social connection very difficult for all participants.

When I first met her daughter, she was 3 or 4, and was extremely reluctant to come and meet me. My sister began to shame and push and pull her towards me and I stopped her. I said "don't force her, don't teach her that she has to let men she doesn't know touch her, she doesn't need to hug me"

My sister froze in place, processed it for a moment, and let her daughter go. She went back to hiding behind mom. We continued our conversation and her son slowly approached me, hugged me, and climbed up onto the chair I was in to sit beside me and partially in my lap. After a few minutes, her daughter joined him. She didn't hug me, but she came over to touch and talk to me.

My sister was speechless. Her kids DON'T do that. I've heard many complaints from many family members about how antisocial they are. All I did was stick up for their right to offer or withdraw consent- and really just her daughter's, as her son had met me pre-covid and had already gotten over the hurdle at 2 years old, but her daughter was born during covid and thus it made her severe distrust of strangers even worse.

Now her kids are in elementary school and making friends easily and I regularly get stories from her about how she witnesses them connect with other socially withdrawn kids and stand up for both themselves and their quieter friends. She took my advice to heart and started allowing them to voice whether they consented to something and now her little boy will approach a crying kid on the playground and say something like "do you want to play, or do you want me to just sit with you, or do you want to be alone?" and then actually listen to what the other kid tells him.

My niece has an incredibly traumatized boy in her class who escaped war with his family, and he doesn't talk to anyone. But he visibly relaxes when my niece goes to sit next to him when he's too scared and curled up in the classroom's Quiet Corner. She reads to him and shows him her toys and holds his hand on field trips and yells at anyone who is mean to him. I'm told she's the only person who can approach or touch him without causing a meltdown besides his family, and it started because the first time she sat with him she asked if it was okay if she did so and she waited several minutes for him to nod before she sat down.

But they still avoid the family members that forced them to interact even when they were uncomfortable. I still hear those complaints, hundreds of miles away, and the jealousy that I've only met the kids a few times but they talk incessantly about me. If I call one of my family members and the kids are over, I can hear them in the background trying to talk to me if they figure out it's me on the other line.

But when one of the women needed help packing a large house worth of boxes into a big moving truck, the other was there with the rest of us, moving boxes. Because that's what you did. Personal dislike and rivalry were trumped by the social obligations of being part of the community. Mutual aid trumped mutual hatred.

Now, I have no desire to go back to the cult, but I do think they were on to something here. Community can't be about who we are friends with or get along with easily. If you won't go to bat for people you hate then this is not a community, it's a popularity contest.

high school was literally exclusively horrible for me; there is no advantage i've gained whatsoever from having barely completed it alive. i ended up going to a technical college years later which would have accepted a GED; grades didn't matter. i would've ended up exactly where i am now, a biologist earning my master's degree. i look back at HS and i'm like ok, there was literally NO reason for me to endure all that LOL!!!!!!!

obviously it's not the right choice for everyone but if you genuinely don't know if you're going to survive high school, quitting actually is an option. look into GED programs in your area. (i also have several younger friends who were lucky enough to have access to online homeschool options after i graduated, so if your issues are related to bullying, disability, etc. you can consider that too if it's feasible)

you're surrounded by people every day who did not complete high school, and you may or may not know it.