veryunknowdelusion

During Nero and the emperor's bullshit (still haven't read the books, working on it) Lester is somehow trapped back in Ancient Greek days, as Lester. Lester is freaking out and has to get back to modern times and the only person he can think to go to for help is his wife, Perse.

Only she isn't his wife yet. Perse and Apollo are close, but Lester still isn't entirely sure when Perse fell in love with him but he's desperate to see her again. Even if Leto or Artemis were an option, would either recognize him? Would they think him an imposter? At least Perse never smote someone.

Perse, obviously, is still Percy and still has her memories of Percy, so all Lester has to do is explain what the modern day is like for her to realize, "Oh, this Lester is from around Percy's time". But she doesn't really know how to get him back too--she's been trying to find her own way back--and Lester is very delicate and alone and cute, so she keeps him with her in her temples.

I've just been imagining the group traveling and Fem!Jason (Janice) really homesick and missing her brother (yeah Thalia is genderbent too). So Percie convinces Fem!Nico (Nicole) to do something silly with her in an attempt to lift moral. And so...They start singing it's raining men, playful shoving Janice a little.

And though they're playing up the performance to make her smile it still starts a little restrained. But then Janice giggles, they giggle too and get louder. She joins them and they all get wilder. Till eventually the three of them are belting out the lyrics between wild laughter. This moment being the first time since they've got there that they can just be happy, that they can be silly teenage girls.

And they're so caught up in their singing that they don't notice the rain that has slowly become a violent sleeting storm. They don't notice the ferocity with which the wind is blowing, that every stomp of Percie and Nicole's feet rocks the earth beneath them, that every lyric screamed from Janice's month summons thunder—sometimes lightning. They are so caught up in their ravenous joy they can't see the chaos it's causing. In this time where the gods are at their peak they have grown even more powerful than they were back home.

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

LOL

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

' Penelope why was my brother writing about your beautiful bossom and... Oh my gosh why is my brother describing his naked body to you in this letter'

' Wait Eloise it's not what you think it is! Although wait a minute I didn't know he wrote THAT, oh God where you opening my leftover correspondence Eloise?'

'Thats irrelevant! tell me why my brother is sending you written pornos!!'

The conversation is awkward enough to make Penelope confess that she's Lady Whistledown to get Eloise off her back.

Sometimes I really think about writing a Polin fanfiction where Penelope marries Lucy's uncle and ends up neglected and abused, but doesn't leave him because of teenage Richard and little Lucy. Until she finds out about the deal to betroth little Lucy to Haselby Junior and how her husband is commiting treason and basically wants to sell his young niece to cover it up. So Penelope finds some will to live after years of just taking the abuse to protect the kids and sells her husband out to the crown, on the condition that the Abernathy title isn't affected.

Cue Lucy's uncle officially dying in a mysterious accident and Penelope moving back to London with little Lucy and young Richard. The Bridgertons and the Featheringtons are happy to have her back but Penelope's marriage has changed her and the first one that notices is Colin.

Penelope doesn't smile anymore, she's busy running the Abernathy estates and putting the fear of God into her teenage nephew because Richard is the darn heir to the Abernathy title and he needs to act like it, David did Richard no good and he really needs a good male influence in his life.

'No Colin not you, the last thing I need is Richard deciding he wants to drop everything and go gallivanting across Europe while his aunt and little sister despair in worry... I meant a male influence like Anthony, or Simon'

Colin starts putting the pieces together about her marriage when he sees that Penelope keeps reassuring Lucy that yes everything in the mansion is all theirs and that nobody can hurt them now. And when she keeps pushing Richard to make friends among the ton so his sister can have a better chance when she's presented.

Basically, id love to see a deconstruction of a situation where Penelope doesn't realize she's turning into her mother. And actually begins to see things from Portia's point of view now that she's officially An unhappy widow who's only joy in life will be to see her wards safely married and enjoying the life she never could.

She's Determined to make up for lost time when it comes to building connections and ensuring Richard and Lucy's future, going as far as policing Lucy's friend circle because ' Lucy is too kind and too naive, any false friend could play her for a fool'

Everyone else thinks Penelope is just being Penelope but Colin can see that she's spiraling under the weight of her worries and the ghost of her former husband, and he wants to help, he keeps showing up to everywhere she goes, trying to bring a smile out of her, encouraging her to think about herself, to dream about love, maybe remarriage, like Francesca, live again with a purpose.

Penelope thinks Colin is cute but annoying and needs to buzz off, she may still think he's handsome and charming but gone are the days she would feel over the moon for sharing a dance with him. The harder he tries to cheer her up, the more upset she gets, who gave Colin the right to see through her? Why is he so fixated on helping her, she's fine, she got rid of David, she's got Lucy and Richard and boatloads of money to do as she pleases! Penelope doesn't need Colin Bridgerton's pity!

Bonus if this is an au in which Colin still remains a bachelor, because he never found the love his parents used to have. And always felt guilty for not saving Penelope from the marriage that ruined her life.

But Colin keeps trying. Almost as if he's in love with her or something, but Penelope no longer believes in love. She's only hopeful for Lucy, because that child deserves true love, Lucy will have everything Penelope never did, Lucy is the future...

Even if Lucy IS developing the same predilection for Eton attending Bridgertons that Penelope did in her youth, Penelope will ignore Gregory's friendly attention to Lucy the same way Portia continues to ignore Colin's attention to her.

What if there was a another reason Penelope took up Whistledown? Imagine thirteen year old Penelope finding out she has a half-sister, eight years younger than her when she hears her father talking with his solicitor who reminds him that he needs to pay the young girls uncle or he'll let the news slip. Somehow Penelope manages to convince the solicitor to take her with him to visit her sister and the man reluctantly agrees (knowing the youngest Featherington girls absence will not be noticed) but insists she dress in servants clothes. Penelope meets her sister Felicity as well as Felicity's female cousin who is a year older than Felicity and tells them who she really is and thus begins a long time of secret meetings.

It's right before her first season that Penelope realizes how bad the family finances are when her father isn't able to pay the money Felicity's uncle is asking for and the man threatens to sell her sister to a brothel once she begins bleeding, as he has four other mouths to feed. Que Penelope starting her career as Whistledown to help keep her sister safe.

Unfortunately, come postseason 2 she finds out Felicity's uncle sold his one daughter to an older lord, since she looked similar to his wife who was unable to conceive. Cue season 3 where Penelope is trying to find Felicity's cousin, dodging Colin's advances, and avoiding detection of the queen.

It all becomes to much when Colin does find out and does not take it well at all right around when they find Felicity's cousin. The girl is unfortunately pregnant and due to give birth soon and Penelope decides she has no choice but to reveal herself to the queen in order to ensure Whistledown ends while also getting Felicity and her family out safely.

Penelope goes to Lady Danbury and reveals the truth to her (though not about her family situation) and the woman tells her what two options the Queen has proposed to her for if Whistledown should reveal herself. 1) Be banished from high society and London and never write again or 2) be allowed to keep writing but only for the Queen and only what the queen wants. Come the day Penelope reveals herself to the queen in a private audience, both the Queen and Lady Danbury are shocked when Penelope chooses option 1 and even more so when she signs the agreement.

That night, during a ball held by the queen, Felicity's cousin dies giving birth to a baby girl and asks Penelope to look after the child. Penelope, with help from the solicitor, escape into the night with Felicity, her three young cousins, and the newborn baby. They move to a small town, far from London where Penelope takes up a position as the town's first school marm for their newly built school house while also helping out at the tavern some nights.

Of course the town people believe Penelope to be the mother of the baby girl, especially since many women in the village came to settle here as the result of their children being bastards. But the town protects their own and so Penelope and her family are kept safe. She learns to cook from the ladies of the village who adore how patient Penelope is with the children, and Penelope also develops a friendship with some of the other girls in town, who take her under their wing.

Back in London, Colin and Eloise told their family who Whistledown is and the Bridgertons are not that happy with Penelope. That is until the ball that night, where Queen Charlotte triumphantly announces the death of Lady Whistledown claiming the person came forward on their own and as such, Queen Charlotte will not reveal their identity. At some point during the ball, she slips Eloise the 1,000 pounds saying that Whistledown had said the girl figured her out first and deserved the prize money. Except it feels more like blood money to Eloise who has felt sick since hearing the news.

Five years go by, Penelope keeping only in touch with Gen, her solicitor, and Phillip and Marina (who she reconciled with after telling the truth to Marina pre season 3). Her life is nothing like the one she had growing up, but it's full of warmth and love with her siblings and child by her side.

That is until Eloise finds out Penelope is alive (maybe she spotted a letter at Madame Delacroix or Phillip let it slip in his letters).

Cue Penelope, with her five year old adopted daughter clinging to her skirts, hearing a frantic knock at the door and answering it only find Eloise Bridgerton looking shocked as if she'd seen a ghost and letting out a "you're alive," before fainting.

Penelope is then left to take care of Eloise but of course this results in a few other Bridgertons showing up at her house. It doesn't help that when Colin shows up, the town believes him to be the father of her young child and are none too pleased with him (she's tried telling them that the baby was her dead sisters but no one ever believed her!). There are also rumors of a certain noble looking for his missing child.

Chen Xuan is an inner disciple specializing in spiritual veins. He's from a middle class merchant family, but admits he doesn't look much like either of his parents.

Eventually they take a magical DNA test and yep, they are brothers.

Both of them are like, "this doesn't really change anything, I don't know you."

But they meet for tea frequently, and eventually after they become genuine friends Chen Xuan coaxes Shen Jiu to let him work on his spiritual veins. (Shen Jiu might start going to hide in his brother's room when he can't sleep but they never talk about that.)

Life goes on and not much is different until one year disciple selection gets Real Weird. Shen Qingqiu is just trying to snipe a promising kid from Liu Qingge - but then Ming Fan is like, "Shizun that other little boy bit me when I tried to separate them"

That other little boy, is of course Shen Yuan, who has his same face again. SQQ hadn't noticed him at first, he kept his head down. He's mentally cursing his slut-dad when Yue Qingyuan steps in and scoops up both boys despite his protests. (He noticed the mini Shen immediately)

Chen Xuan tells him later they do indeed have a new didi, just one thank the gods. If SQQ was related to both those little brats he'd kill someone.

He doesn't see either boy often but Shen Yuan has it out for him for some reason. He'll feel eyes on him and turn and there's that little street rat, glaring at him.

Again life goes on, once the boy's a little more settled he's invited to the brotherly tea meet ups. He and Shen Qingqiu reluctantly become fond of each other. (Chen Xuan's plan worked perfectly.)

Until Shen Yuan comes back from his first night hunt and crashes tea with a little baby girl. (Also Binghe comes too.)

SQQ rightfully asks why SY stole a baby and SY informs then that 1) the demon they killed had her in a sack so she was free not stolen and 2) "It's Meimei."

That's why she notices Shizun is lashing out from his own pain.

The pieces of a puzzle came together and formed a picture Ning Yingying didn't like. Shizun often had qi deviations and it was somehow related to his childhood. Shizun didn't just dislike men, he was afraid of men. It's said that Shizun and the Sect Leader had known each other before they had even joined the sect. Shizun was more likely to have qi deviations after the Sect Leader visits him. The Sect Leader liked to send gifts that Shizun called empty apologies.

If a Sect Leader commits a crime, who is it supposed to be reported to? The other Peak Lords did not like Shen Qingqiu. The differences in reputation between Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu made it clear who would be believed.

Ning Yingying couldn't think of any other option.

I just know the Yilling Patriarch/Sandu Shengshou porn must have been insane

Personally, I’m kind of imagining Wei Wuxian alternating between “well, I’m still a man, so I’m going to wear whatever clothing I like and sprawl inelegantly when I sit and do whatever the fuck I want” and “ah, well, since I’m a ‘woman’ now, I am obligated to find men attractive and flirt outrageously with them now” depending on what’s convenient or funny (or comforting) to him.

Also, because I am always fond of humor (especially slightly cracky humor), I think he would crack an unbearable number of “oh nooo, I am but a poor lonely woman in this big scary world, I should find a big strong man to marry me and take care of meeeee” jokes. Everyone in the vicinity suffers when WWX starts cracking “Lan Zhan, if no one else wants me, you’ll marry me, right? As one bro to another bro in the body of a woman?” jokes. Shameless!

The easiest way to do this is to make Mo Xuanyu a cis woman, except it’s also fun to brainstorm other options. I’ve seen Qin Su as the one who does the sacrifice-summoning ritual and that’s a fun idea. Unfortunately, MDZS is very short on female characters here, but in the same vein of Qin Su, if we’re talking about women who have lost their son and probably want the whole cultivation world to get fucked (JGY especially), if you want to get really weird with this particular premise and kind of cracky, there’s always Madam Jin. 

It would be such a mess. I am delighted just thinking about the mess of this. Jin Zixuan would probably have to stay dead for Madam Jin to have motivation for this, so we wouldn’t get to see Jin Zixuan react to this, but all of the other reactions would still be excellent. Every single one of them I can imagine is good. (Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao reacting to this… it’s all gold.) 

And there’s always Jin Ling’s reaction! 

Jiang Cheng’s reaction to “Madam Jin is into Lan Wangji now and he’s really good with that” is pure confusion, but (one of) his reaction(s) to “my brother is in the body of Madam Jin now” is to make a disgusted scrunched-up Kermit face every single time he thinks about this fact for at least several days. 

Jin Guangyao’s reaction to “Madam Jin is into Hanguang-Jun and he’s into that” is to make an expression like a fast-food drive-thru employee confronted with a prank trying to astral project to another dimension. Getting confirmation that it’s Wei Wuxian back from the dead is just, “Oh! Hm, that makes sense.” 

The cultivation world is extremely taken aback by Madam Jin’s mid-life crisis and romance with Hanguang-Jun. There’s a lot of muttering about how of course Madam Jin would want a loyal, virtuous man above all reproach (and is kind of overdue a mid-life crisis) after her experience with Jin Guangshan. Also, Hanguang-Jun is into rich, widowed cougars, I guess??? 

Jin Ling: “…Shut the fuck up.” 

Lan Jingyi: “Wow, you sound SO MUCH like your uncle.” 

Ouyang Zizhen: “I think so? But that means that any children that Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei have would also be aunts and uncles to Jin Ling.” 

Lan Sizhui: “Jingyi, Zizhen, please leave him and this subject alone- Wait, you think they’ll have children?!” 

Ouyang Zizhen: “I give it like a year before they get clucky.” 

Lan Jingyi: “Isn’t Senior Wei kind of old for that- OW!” 

Jin Ling: “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Lans aren’t supposed to gossip!” 

Lan Sizhui: “Jin Ling, don’t hit.” 

Ouyang Zizhen: “I was kind of thinking that they’d adopt more children, like Sizhui? But lady cultivators can have children really late sometimes! And I don’t think Madam Jin was… close… with her husband?”

Lan Sizhui: “JIN LING, DON’T HIT.” 

Lan Jingyi: “Yeah! Listen to your uncle! OW! SIZHUI?!” 

Lan Sizhui: “Forgive me. My hand slipped.” 

Jin Ling: “He’s not my uncle! I don’t need any more uncles!” 

Ouyang Zizhen: “He’d be your best uncle, though. Sizhui would bring up the current average by a lot.” 

Star: Nonononononono-

Danny: Hey Star-

Star: *Punches Danny in the stomach*

Danny: Ow what the fu-

Star: You are one of my very new friends, and I can not stand around and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young. YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL!

Danny: What the frick are you talking about?

Star: I'm talking about the baby growing inside your belly right now.

Danny: ???

Tucker: ..see ya.*leaves*

Danny: I'm Not Pregnant!

Star: Well not after that punch you're not I've been taking Muay Thai Classes.

Danny: I was never pregnant Star!

Star: Uh...Ah Are you sure?

Danny: Yes I'm Freaking Sure!

Paulina: I'm sorry but why the heck is everybody yelling over here?

Star: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and-

Paulina: *Punches Danny in the Stomach*

Danny: Ow Mother Trucker!

Paulina: I know we've had our differences in the past, but I can not stand by and watch you ruin our team's chances at Nationals! And we will not get there with you rocking a fetus fannypack.

Danny: I'm not..*gasp for air*..pregnant!

Paulina: Oh...well I just assumed-

Star: Yeah. it does make sense.

Dick: uh, hey, baby bat, where ya off to?

Damian: I am attending an execution

Tim, looking up from his laptop for the first time in 6 hours: what

Steph: in civvies? I get not going as robin but at least wear your assassin gear

Tim: THATS WHAT WE’RE WORRIED ABOUT?

Steph: well yeah that stuffs meant to get blood on it

Damian: it is not the execution of anything that would bleed.

Dick: explain that

Damian, sighing with all the annoyance he can muster at his curious siblings: Do you recall my partner in the school project?

Duke: uh, you mean Danny? The teen dad transfer who you said set up a Prince and Princess Club with the kids in his apartment building, and hosts tea parties where he gives them political problems about unicorns and mermaids to discuss over scones?

Damian: yes. This Thursday the issue was a stuffed giraffe who brought tribute to the council, but the tribute snacks contained nuts. Danny tells me it was originally an attempt to make them refuse the snacks as a group, as the stuffed giraffe knowingly snubbed some of their members. But then it was pointed out that if the allergic children ate the snacks, there would be great medical risk, and the scenario escalated to an assassination attempt.

Dick: …so they’re executing the stuffed giraffe.

Damian: yes. It is good to see the young trained early. Now if you will excuse me, I promised to be there. It is my duty as one trained with the sword to ensure Lord Longneck is dispatched properly for his attempts on Princess Bridget of apartment 114 and Prince Hunter of the top floor’s lives. Good day.

Tim: what the fuck

Shang Qinghua: Uh, I don't believe we have met-

Tianlang-Jun: Oh? Acting shy? You were much more open when I had you in my bed~

Shen Qingqiu: Dude, you fucked Tianlang-Jun??

Tianlang-Jun: Not just me. My Xiyan also had a turn

Shang Qinghua: Aha, I'm shocked you recognized me

Shen Qingqiu: YOU FUCK BOTH OF THE PROTAGONIST'S PARENTS?!

Luo Binghe: Is that why you call me your son?