
@theartofmadeline
Mike Driver

JBB: An Artblog!
Claire Keane
ojovivo
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

pixel skylines
will byers stan first human second

blake kathryn
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kiana Khansmith

#extradirty
Cosmic Funnies
d e v o n
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
h
macklin celebrini has autism
AnasAbdin
Not today Justin

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@thequeeninyellowlace

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She screams until i let her sniff my clothes, then she passes out
my sister was saying how she wanted to go to 7-eleven in german and she said zeeven eeleeven.
Sieben Elf?
semen elf?
I promise you that is not what I said

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What DID Lambert and Milena talk about when he carried her down from the mountain in Only Love Proudly and Gladly and Well?
What noble hunts are usually like. (Lambert: What the fuck, they set the animals up? That's just fucked.)
What Witcher hunts are usually like. (Milena: Oh gracious. Venom? In their tails?)
Practical footwear. (Milena: These would be very practical if I were riding a horse. Sidesaddle. Lambert: That doesn't count as practical.)
How very strong Lambert is. (Lambert: ...Not by Witcher standards? Milena: Gracious.)
The interesting and useful plants found on the mountainside. (Lambert: You...know something about alchemy? Milena: Well, I can work in a stillroom, does that count? Lambert: It sure fuckin' does!)
The interesting and useful plants found in places other than the mountainside. Greenhouses, and the use thereof. The as-yet-unknown-to-Lambert art of making perfume.
Oh shit, are we back at the keep already?
I would love Lambert becoming an unexpected perfumier. He’s already a super-smeller, and he could create scents for Milena that fit what Witchers think smells good.
Warm bread
Old books
Salt water and hot sand (for the sea-loving Cranes)
Freshly crushed leaves and moist earth
(Milena draws a line at wearing perfume that smells like venison stew.)
Jesus h Christ , they pureed a seal!
You are 60% water and every lake, river, pond, swamp, creek, and ocean you encounter wants to reclaim it desperately. Be careful out there.
Good, I hope it haunts everyone about to enter a body of water so bad that they wear a life jacket. 🙌
Every single person I knew (past tense) who has drowned was "a strong swimmer." Water in the wild does not care how good you are at swimming.
I mean this with all due respect:
You are not going to pass a skillcheck against a rip current once it has you.
Waves will not bow to your physical prowess no matter how impressive.
Shock does not care that you used to be on your school swim team.
If you hit your head, being good at swimming isn't going to turn you face-up while you're unconscious.
You may be unable to return to shore. Rescue may be unable to find you quickly.
Scheduling this for when weather starts warming up. Be careful swimming this summer
I grew up in Southern California on a beach where there is a STRONG riptide. I was taught how to swim practically at birth, and how to escape a rip current around age three.
I am a VERY strong swimmer and am extremely comfortable dealing with the ice-cold, huge Pacific waves during storms. I was raised in the ocean.
Hear me:
THE OCEAN WANTS TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOU. YOU WILL NOT WIN AGAINST THE OCEAN. WEAR A LIFE JACKET.
okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

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Prompt 71
The other witchers at Kaer Morhen have always grown tired of Geralt's random moodswings and bouts of gloom and grumpiness during the winter. He'd be happy and carefree, safe in his home, and then some dark thought would crest in his mind, and for a few days straight, he'd be in a horrible mood. When one year he brings his bard with him, they realize the moodswings have disappeared completely. That is, until Jaskier starts trying to "bond" with them all and spends less time with Geralt. Then all of a sudden the snarls and snaps from Geralt are back. One day, Lambert gets tired of Geralt's sass, and shoves Jaskier at him, and they're all amazed when Geralt loses his bad mood and instead chooses to carry his bard off to cuddle in front of the fireplace. Nuzzling him and purring the whole time. Thus commences a new rule of Kaer Morhen. If you spot Geralt being pissy, you chuck the bard at him. Jaskier has been taken away from a meal, a game of gwent, his chores, his bed while asleep, and one especially embarrassing time he was taken from a bath. Jaskier is quite alright with the new rule, as it always ends in deligthtful Geralt cuddles, but sometimes he wishes Geralt would just find Jaskier instead of moping when he misses him.
Vesemir is so happy to have a new and more effective way of managing Geralt’s general Geraltness that he decides to see if it works with the other boys! He starts simply shoving the little human toward his other pups whenever they’re being stupid.
Jaskier certainly doesn’t mind being deposited next to Eskel when Eskel has been sitting alone too long in the library, looking at his scarred reflection in the rainy windows. Eskel doesn’t seem to mind having someone sit next to him and look at his reflection and whisper how pretty it is.
Jaskier doesn’t object to being physically scooped up and dumped into Lambert’s arms when he’s growling and flailing around in a temper about how cold the keep is in winter. Lambert can’t break anything when he’s forced to hold the warm little human in his arms.
Jaskier was, however, really quite stunned one gloomy day when a stormy, irritable Vesemir stole him out from in front of the fire in the Great Hall, actually flung Jaskier over his shoulder, and strode out of the room. Jaskier assumed he was being toted off to be dropped on Geralt’s lap or into Eskel’s arms, but Vesemir headed down an unfamiliar hallway. Jaskier craned his neck, trying to see where they were going from over Vesemir’s shoulder. He couldn’t see much, but he could hear Vesemir muttering to himself.
“Stupid dead yeast, stupid oven. Made that bread a million times and still managed to ruin it. Pups like warm bread for dinner, and now there isn’t any because you’re a stupid idiot.”
Just as Jaskier was wondering which Witcher was supposed to make the bread for dinner and apparently screwed up, Vesemir stopped short, kicked open a door, and strode into a warm bedroom.
He set Jaskier back on his feet, and Jaskier looked up to see who was in trouble. But the room was empty. It’s clearly a bedroom, soft bed piled with blankets, swords hung over the fire, and a soft, old armchair in front of the fireplace.
Jaskier turned to Vesemir, about to ask what’s going on, but stopped short. Vesemir still looked frustrated and upset, but also uncertain.
“Vesemir?” Jaskier said quietly.
“Would you…” Vesemir stopped himself. He glared at Jaskier. Then his eyes darted to the armchair and back to Jaskier. “I need…” He stopped again, looking furious at himself. Oh.
Jaskier stepped toward the chair. He smiled gently. “It’s nice in here. Warm. That chair looks very comfortable.” He reached for Vesemir, offering a hand. “Could we…sit?”
Vesemir’s face cleared, relief visible, and he grabbed Jaskier’s hand. He dropped into the chair heavily, and pulled Jaskier toward him.
Jaskier fit in his lap perfectly. He turned sideways, hanging his legs over the arm of the chair, and wound his arms around Vesemir’s neck. As he pulled Vesemir’s head to his chest, Vesemir sighed a long, heavy sigh.
“I’ve got you,” Jaskier whispered as the old Witcher clung to him like a child clutching a doll. “We can make the bread together later.”
My favorite headcanon / trope in fics will FOREVER be every single witcher being like "And this is our Jaskier, You can look but we don't trust you to touch him yet, he's our special Jaskier, we only have one of him, and we LIKE him, so be NICE and don't even THINK of harming him or we will all EAT YOU"
OH YES.
All the Witchers having a frantic, whispered argument every time their bard might get in a sticky situation, huddled in a circle like football players who are desperately trying to figure out their next play.
“The king of Redania wants Jaskier to play for him!” *growls*
“It’s a huge honor. He would be even more famous.” *louder growls*
“He’s ours.”
“He’s gonna make, like, a big bag of gold. We could get him a really fancy doublet. Better than the one that fucking earl gave him.”
*even louder growls*
(They hated that earl. He dragged their bard into a back room after his set, and when Jask came tumbling out a few hasty minutes later, he smelled all wrong. Afraid. Angry. Bruised.)
“Fuck the king of Redania. I almost got eaten by an archespore because of him.”
(They heard the earl had to step down and give his castle to his nephew after that tragic injury. Fell on his own knife in the privy and castrated himself! Such a freak accident. So disturbing.)
*long pause*
“But Jaskier really wants to do it.”
*silence*
*silence*
*silence*
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine. But we’re ALL going, right?”
“Obviously.”
@0dde11eth @catscraftsandcommentary @help-help-i-need-an-adult @fandom-junk-drawer @akelafang @thequeeninyellowlace
gonna start making snopes-style responses to urban legends about tumblr
"this how we lost post editing and it was still worth it"
❌ False
The John Green Cock Monologue, while one of the most egregious examples of post editing, was not why the ability to edit posts was taken away. This feature was removed because scammers would edit posts with huge note counts to try to make their scams look legit.
"those are his hooves, bitch."
✅ True
Those are his hooves, bitch.
A drawing showing how Jim Henson Performed Kermit in The Muppet Movie’s swamp scene.
This is the best picture I could find of how they customized the Studebaker so Fozzie could appear to drive the car. They crammed the real driver in the trunk. I think he was driving from a video monitor.
When they mention the fabled Gay Spock episodes, I didn't expect the equally as fabled Sex Pollen episode to be one... I mean, the entire premise is he falls for a woman... But then of course the show reveals that the monster of this week is "what if you finally belonged in society but it was under a false mask of comp-hetness and in the end the only way to become free was to be overwhelmed by need for your Captain and then swear your devotion to him and decide it's better to live in partial ostricisation, shame, and impossibility than be someone you aren't, than be without him." Like oh okay so it was a Gay Spock episode.

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a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this
How about you mind your own damn business
Who did you vote for for Pope, squirrel???!!
One winter, After getting tired of Geralt moping around Kear Morhen, Lambert and Eskel does the only sensible thing.
Which is to kidnap Geralt’s bard to bring Jaskier to Geralt. So after teaming up with Yennefer, who’s there to teach Ciri magic. Eskel and Lambert portal their way to Oxenfurt
Except since neither one of them had ever met Jaskier before so, they didn’t know what he looks like.
And they kidnap the wrong Bard
Imagine them whipping a bag off the bards head and presenting him to Geralt all trussed up only for Geralt to reel back in shock and offense because it's not Jaskier it's Valdo Marx!
Geralt: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS??
Valdo: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, DICKHEAD?!!
Vesemir: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?
Yennefer: *dying laughing*