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People who knew her 20 years ago-- Klaus, the Jaegermonsters, Prince Aaronev Sturmvoraus, the newly ascendant Rat Queen, etc-- say she was always like this. They testify that they're not surprised she turned out to be the one who devestated Europa with aerial bombardments and horrific Mind-Control Wasps.

And yet.

I can't help but think, she wasn't always like this.

Once upon a time, she was one woman, with one physical body. She was a brilliantly powerful spark, and she wasn't afraid to lie, steal, copy notes, and cheat to get ahead, on top of that.

She had at least 3 powerful men wrapped around her finger-- Agatha got some of that Rizz from her Mom's side, but Lucrezia was actively trying to seduce and manipulate the boys, and play them against each other.

Let's say the Heterodyne Boys were actively doing heroics for about 25ish years, before it all went wrong. Bill would've been in his 40s when he finally got married.

Lucrezia Mongfish would've been in her 40s when she got married. She's still beautiful, still desired, still healthy-- but time marches on, relentlessly.

Pouting at her Daddy to come help his favorite daughter... It just isn't cute anymore.

Castle Heterodyne was no doubt glad that Bill finally brought a wife home, but I'm sure that it ALSO encouraged him & Barry to open the Seraglio for some younger models, if she didn't produce a healthy Heterodyne Heir or five fast enough.

Instead of cursing her to an eternal sleep or death, Maleficent declares that the princess will grow up to betray the kingdom and serve her instead. So the king sends Aurora away, but one day the young adventurous girl strays a bit too far and right into her territory.

But, crucially, the books manage all of this while having stakes. There are the relationship, personal level ones-- will these orphaned kids become friends? Will they learn to overcome the traumas of their respective backstories? Will they learn to master their magic?

And then there are Larger, life-threatening stakes... but crucially, not 'save-the-world' level. Pierce made the excellent choice for the first quartet (when the kids are like ~10-12 ish) to generally have the threats be natural. An earthquake, a forest fire, a pandemic; there's a pirate raid, but even then the framing feels more like a force of nature. As the kids age, the threats do become more human, but remain generally localized. A crime syndicate, a serial killer. The focus of the story remains what can we do to improve things, here, now, where we are?

Susan: where the bloody hell am I????

Yes that's part of why he is so polite with her, offering a hand to step up/down/over, holding chairs and doors.

But.

She's An Archer. (With at least one knife for pragmatism reasons ofc.) HE has a Sword.

Yes he is bodyguarding!

But he is also familiar with being a team with archers. He covers the Close, and keeps the enemy Back at least a bit so she has room to shoot freely.

Susan: where the bloody hell am I????

Honestly, I’m not sure which one would be better. Archery queen, or the lady whose grandfather is Death AND she saved his butt more than once.

And it would work.

Susan: where the bloody hell am I????

"Look, it's a circuitboard. That makes this tech - your territory"

State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.

........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.

There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.

And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.

And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.

Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.

Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.

Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"

The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.

(BUT ALSO A LITTLE DOODLE TREAT AT THE END)

If the visit to the QI household didn’t go so well

Shen Yuan was crouched protectively in front of his children, his large body hulking in an intimidating way as his feathers began to raise. A low rumble broke free from his throat as his pupils constricted, wings spreading wide as he flapped them threateningly.

The little estate raid was going well up until Shen Yuan went to fly away with his children. He was struck out of the air by some form of attack, a blade stuck out of his wing awkwardly. Cultivators had been called down the mountain the moment Shen Yuan was seen fluttering into the human town with large thunderous wingbeats and fury in those normally harmless eyes.

The cultivators hadn't come quickly enough to prevent the death of master of the manor. Still, humans seemed to enjoy avenging one another--which explained the current face off between Shen Yuan and a powerful looking cultivator. Shen Jiu and Yue Qi were tucked behind his talons protectively, the harpy still raising his wings despite the injury--presenting aggressively as he stared down the cultivator.

"It seems the beast of the forest has shown its true colors."

The cultivator spoke coldly, paying no attention to the mortal children tucked behind the creature, clinging to its feathers fearfully. Instead the cultivator lifted a hand, willing the blade that was embedded in Shen Yuan's wing to return to their hand, to be properly wielded.

Shen Yuan turned to look at Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan, leaning down to nudge them away with his head. While the cultivator seemed to be preparing for the fight Shen Yuan took the chance to tell Yue Qi and Shen Jiu to go. In his time spent as a harpy he hasn't actually fought anyone--there was never any need to with the reputation of his species. He wasn't confident he could win a fight against an experienced cultivator, and he didn't want to get his children implicated any more than he had.

Shen Jiu stood by the harpy stubbornly, holding onto the feathers by Shen Yuan's talons. Now was no time to be stubborn though because Shen Yuan shook himself free, glaring at Shen Jiu and nudging him and Yue Qi away with his leg--his tone commanding this time as he ordered them to go.

Shen Jiu bit his lip, unwilling to separate before he found himself being tugged away by Yue Qi. Neither of them wanted to leave the harpy--but Yue Qi knew that they'd just get in the way, and that leaving was better for everyone present. While the children fled behind him--leaving lingering glances and wishing the best for their feathered parental figure.

--

GUH anyways so SY doesn't die he's just badly injured or whatever (he hides true strength under all the fluffy feathers)

AND HERE'S THE ART AS PROMISED

Shen Yuan has like EXTREME fluff near his talons :3 His little feather dewlap is like 99% downy feathers.

SY IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE ADAPTED FOR COLD LIFE but he very much enjoys not freezing his ass off (he wouldn't, he's so fluffy he's always warm lol) and living in the proper habitat would be pretty lonely for him--SY likes the native wildlivfe actually--so he just chills in the forest. having lived like that for ages SY kinda forgot he doesn't need to migrate during winter and he just follows the other birds when they migrate.

in this au his hair is curly like LBH's--which is why SJ kinda dislikes LBH in this au because after the confrontation YQ and SJ kinda think that SY dies (he said he was going to sleep off his wounds... and he meant it but they thought he was dying because he was so still) and seeing the curly hair of LBH makes him remember the memories of the only loving parental figure he's ever known and also brings the guilt and self loathing he feels because he thinks that he caused SY to die by being captured.

Anyways so they eventually find out that SY's alive (SY ended up moving when he couldn't find SJ or YQ after waking up from healing his injuries--they were on CQ--because his spot at the forest wasn't really safe anymore) after LBH goes missing and ends up meeting SY who's kinda chilling in this new forest and when he returns he tells NYY, who tells SQQ, who's like "hm.. friendly harpy in the woods..?" and goes to investigate. They have a cute reunion and maybe SJ almost cries teehee

SQH gets sent to Jin Lan City instead of SQQ. Somehow this fixes everything. All it costs is SQQ's dignity...

SQH falls ill. MBJ decides to help with his sect paperwork. Other peak lords annoyed at their expenses requests suddenly getting denied.

After emerging from the Abyss, LBH decides to stop by Qing Jing Peak, to see how his shizun is doing.

Described by legendary fight choreographer and Olympic fencer Bob Anderson as “the best swordsman I’ve ever trained”, and insisted on using a real steel sword to get the movement right. Actually bonded with the horses he rode and worked with over the course of filming. Was noted by cast members as being the natural leader of the actors when they were together. Went hiking and fishing in full costume for the sake of authenticity, even repairing damage to the costumes himself to better convey the life of a self-reliant ranger. Actually learned Sindarin, and speaks it more frequently in the films than any other character including the elves. Is an actual polyglot, speaking four languages fluently and having a passing knowledge of six more. Personally composed and performed music for the soundtrack.

During the fight with the orcs at the end of Fellowship, one of the orcs is meant to throw a knife at Aragorn. There was a mix-up with the props and the orc actor threw an actual knife instead of the blunt prop. Mortensen casually managed to block it with his sword anyway.

As well as hand-repairing his costume, he also was the one who suggested Aragorn have a small bow for hunting, since he lived in the wilderness and would need one. No one else had thought of it.

It was also his suggestion to take Boromir's arm guards and make everyone cry.

No. Just NO.

A new villain duo has been attacking highly secure government building at every city that a major hero resides in. Batman set up a trap for when they finally came to Gotham. He was surprised to find the villains already out of the trap.