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Bert: Bert and I

Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!

We all know that lqg pretty much would fight a tree if it threatens him somehow and mixed with demon culture... He's living a playboy life he doesn't even know he does.

D!Sy on the other hand seems like some sort of saint who doesn't concern himself with something as trivial as flirting for the demons but in the human realm? That boy has a reputation worthy to compare to bingge. He's the living role model most flirty people strive to be

Human realm magazine: Demonic Lord of Rot Shen Yuan— known as a temptress to most cultivators for his indecent dress, lack of personal boundaries, and casual attitude about spending the night— allegedly betrothed to Bai Zhan’s War God, an ascetic in all but name?!

Binghe swings by during a peak lord meeting, and Liu Qingge chases him out. The peak lords think it's because Binghe is technically still banned: Shen Qingqiu knows it's because Liu Qingge is still mad that Binghe woke him up by biting his ass that morning

Liu Qingge, on his way home from a mission, notices a stall with pretty fans and starts examining them. The other cultivators on the mission share pitying glances, because "poor Peak Lord Liu; pining over a man who's smitten with another!" But actually Liu Qingge is staring at this One Fan because he's 95% certain it's one of Shen Qingqiu's custom-made ones, and now he's debating whether to check if Shen Qingqiu is at a nearby inn to confirm or just skip to fighting the stall owner for stealing his boyfriend's fan

Binghe calls Liu Qingge "husband". Everyone thinks he's being sarcastic, especially when Liu Qingge rolls his eyes. (He is rolling them because they're not married yet. "Yet," Binghe will repeat.)

Shen Qingqiu tries to convince Liu Qingge to "give Binghe a chance". Others think he's trying to get Liu Qingge and Binghe to become friends, oblivious to Liu Qingge's true feelings. In reality, Shen Qingqiu is trying desperately to get Liu Qingge to forgive Binghe for the second ass-biting incident and to let Binghe back into their bedroom (as Binghe has been exiled to his old room until further notice).

Bingliu starts dueling in public and everyone shakes their head and sighs, like "poor Shen Qingqiu. Will those two ever get along?" Not knowing this is considered foreplay in bingliu language. Shen Qingqiu is perfectly happy to let them tire each other out.

Liushen going through town on their day off, looking at matching couple's accessories together and buying a set. Sightings spark terrible rumors of a possible affair. Meanwhile, liushen was just looking for a reasonable gift for Binghe, who loves finding ways to match outfits/accessories with his husbands all the time.

Binghe whining and complaining to Shen Qingqiu about how "unbearable" Liu Qingge is. He is upset that Liu Qingge still won't forgive him for the ass-biting. It's not his fault Liu Qingge's ass is so shapely!

End of story, Danny sues Superman and Lex Luthor for Child support.

Only Kon, Dani, and Tucker(who got all the documents ready) are enjoying this. Danny's sorta just chilling and going along with it, he doesn't really need Child Support, especially from two people, so he'll probably just put all the payments into funds for the kids' futures and give them more allowance(Kon insists Dani be given some of it too and Danny won't fight him on his decision).

hope swells luo binghe's heart as shen qingqiu's hand finds the top of his head. it bubbles away in abject confusion as the hand lifts.

"seriously, you haven't even had your last growth spurt yet. look at your hair, it still has curls — you're still a baby. why would you come back so soon? certainly the cultivation sects are dens of iniquity that deserve to be burned for their crimes, but surely binghe knows he must be undefeatable if he wants to survive enacting such a sweeping change? i've been anticipating this moment since i first met luo binghe, but i'm not so impatient to be tortured to death that you had to be this much of an overachiever! honestly, binghe, go home to your palace and finish your training, what's lighting such a fire under your pants?"

so like i think he's a bit in a trance or something?

i also want to encorporate something about it being "in the book" which the audience takes to mean that sqq had a detailed written plan to raise lbh to bring down all the sects with him. someone (yqy due to experience?) points out that suicidal people are the most cheerful when they have a plan for the act, and hasn't sqq been the most cheerful these last few years, until the obvious?

#oooooough i love that shit where everyone thinks they've figured out SQQ's deal #where they get some/half of it right even if they don't have the specifics

yes, Yes, YES!!! look i love bingqiu with an undying passion, but with the right misunderstandings, with representatives for so many sects here and the issue basically resolved? we could easily have like. another 8 novels of everyone being the smartest person in the room and having COMPLETELY different ideas of what's going on and how to stop it. i love it so much. romance pls burn slower i am sowing political unrest that will last decades.

[good snip comes up again later] #"act on most deeply suppressed thoughts" so like lowered inhibitions combined with compulsion? #possibly with some kind of disorientation and sedative as well #something like that would be some kind of "interrogate enemies on their greatest weaknesses" kind of potion #or perhaps some kind of bullshit animal venom to keep prey docile but still fresh?

vague on purpose, i changed the desc. like 3 times already to describe what i was writing and still didn't fit in "sqq physically trying to straighten and then re-curl lbh's hair" and "it was in the book" so like clearly i vibe with what you're vibing here. i definitely want it to be an almost trance like state, but with full bodily autonomy. like if the description could be valid for interrogation purpose but actually have the result of just his id taking over that would be ideal

Also? in my mind he got it early somehow. lbh impatience and/or going against the plan bc the answers he wants and the farce trial are two separate lines of interrogation? gyz trying to be helpful, heard this potion was for sqq, tells him it's medicinal, he takes it bc without a cure flare up because it "can't hurt"? maybe he takes the whole bottle instead of a dose, rpg health potion style. or fuck, maybe the sowers have it either as a thing to get their infection to spread more naturally or as something zzl gave them to try and lure sqq away. natural adverse reaction between without a cure and the sower infection?

in any case: sqq starts talking before hhp can get any accusations out and this line of thinking seems wayyyy more incriminating so opm gonna let it play out.

"i threw myself at shizun every day when we lived together and this disciple is still a virgin, also if i even suspected any of my shixiongjie of making it where i couldn't, i simply would have killed them in a fit of jealousy"

I'm trying to decide which would be funnier. SQQ latching on to LBH saying he's a virgin and going on a tangent abt all the weird kinky sex he should have had by now. (LBH is living the dream of shizun imagining binghe in sexual situations. Cannot understand how shizun thinks he would be satisfied with anyone but shizun.) (everyone else is just scandalized and learning new things about themselves. jin lan city is abt to have an erotica renaissance). Reinforces "SQQ is a pervert" allegations.

OR option 2: SQQ's brain hears "my precious white lotus disciple propositioned me" and goes on a whole "no no that can't be right. i would have noticed that. that would never happen of course." only for binghe to detail every attempt at seducing his shizun since he was 15.

going from subtle (for a teenager) to outright obscene but SQQ refutes each one with SOME kind of explanation that it seems like he whole-heartedly believes. Gossip will now range from "SQQ is as pure in thought as a young child" to "SQQ is perhaps cursed to be incapable of thinking about sex". Also that such a pure man raised such a deviant disciple. Increases SQQ's reputation, but also makes him appear naive and gullible. LBH reputation goes waaaaaaaaaaaay down.

let it be revealed that he set lbh up as a ticking time bomb with the full intention of changing his face and his name and living a quiet life in the borderlands, that'll cause some angst all around.

SQQ: It's okay I won't die for real! I mean I will die for real, and it will hurt much more this time I presume-

(Several people are now Very Concerned.)

SQQ: but I have back up plan you see! I shall simply move my soul to a new body and pretend I was never Shen Qingqiu who had a terrible life and death. This is what contingency plans are for-

And then he starts lecturing on how "Planning in the past prevents panicking in the present" and how he could have really used that at the last Immortal alliance conference. He knew everything was going to go tits up of course, but he just couldn't bring himself to think about it long enough to plan for it. And of course then he panicked when it mattered most-

and now we can add "SQQ knew about immortal alliance conference and did fuck all" to his list of crimes. And also give LBH new conclusions to make. "Shizun didn't hate him! shizun panicked! :D Shizun's panic response was like. attempted murder! We can work on that though!"

qiu haitang in the background like "oh wow none of you saw this coming, huh? fascinatinggggg"

QHT: wow this whole thing smacks of "carefully planned long term suicide with intent to catch as many bystanders as possible and actually just an elaborate and extreme version of faking one's death to avoid justice for despicable crimes". which this guy has already done to me.

i do love taking the route that just Adds New Crimes tho. "wow, that's way worse than anything i was setting you up for accusing you of, tell us more!" and he does bc infodumping about PIDW is his happy place.

"Of course, none of that happened because of SQH's interventions, so instead Mobei-jun showed up and hurt a lot less disciples than a stampede of Black Moon Python Rhinoceroses would have" maybe accidentally elevates sqh's rep to sainthood? he would hate that more than anything else, i love it 🤣🤣🤣

shizun's panic response was like. attempted murder! We can work on that though!

this line is A+ tier frfr 🤣🤣🤣 perfect binghe in solutions mode, love it, no notes

and yeah while things are coming out i think his blind spots should become increasingly obvious to the point that they have to think he's either under some intense curse or he's been hiding memory loss. and you know, he's currently in a mood to tell you which lmaooo

#since i have been peer reviewed i shall put my words in the post proper and u dont have to extract me from tags

this AFTER leaving the best bit in that tags, we are truly 2 of a kind haha

meanwhile YQY is abt to commit a political incident So Big that it's going to affect the local trout population. like HELL he is going to let OPM get away with slandering his xiao jiu who has been drugged and publicly interrogated when he's unable to defend himself. i dont know what hes going to do but im tired of him being nice. i want him to go apeshit. the tension and drama of CQMS vs HH and whoever else. HH's whole platoon and their angry mob VS YQY

(MQF is like a fly compared to YQY. LBH and LQG are stressed tf out. trying to figure out where a snake that big could have possibly disappeared to) YQY just barely manages to bully huan huan into shutting up but now like. SQQ's rep is in shreds. very "he's either dead now or he's working with demons so you better hope u never see him alive or ur whole sects rep is ruined"

eventually LQG and LBH returning to the CQMS party where they rally up more resources to go hunt down SQQ. cue YQY/LBH 'who loves SQQ more' pissing contest

anyway ALL this buildup to switch over to ZZL spitting out SQQ who is immediately trying to guess what species of snake ZZL should be based off of and oh you guys are heavenly demons? that's soooooo crazy he thought his binghe was the last one. any relation? have you met his binghe?

LBH should break into TLJ's base just to see SQQ with xinxania white boards or w/e lecturing ZZL (taking notes, receiving headpats) and TLJ who has turned to make direct eye contact with the smuggest Most Punchable Aura. (After he got info abt the state of the cultivation sects he's been tricking SQQ into telling the most embarrassing stories about LBH) everyone else follows in and LBH has gone full demon to kick his dad's ass while SQQ is giving a play by play to ZZL as if ZZL doesn't have eyes and isn't watching as well

sqq full fanboy mode watching the fight, everything is punctuated with a "whachow!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

i do love the contrasting image of sqq having tea and cookies with his new friends (who want to know about his binghe!) while cqms Goes To War hahaha. the contrast between lqg thinking about the immediate (sqq has been kidnapped, we need to get him unkidnapped, preferably with my sword) and yqy thinking long term (trying to salvage xiao jiu's/the sect's strategist's/by extension the whole sect's reputation) hits beautifully.

(lbh of course can worry about both simultaneously and get caught in a bit of decision paralysis as a treat)(until he realizes that if shizun can't go back to the sect, he'll have to stay in the demon realm, with him (he thinks) and away from all these men who want to steal sqq from lbh)

i've had an image in my head for a long time of sqh pulling a massive double cross on hhp to basically tank their reputation, maybe he can use all of his double agent experience? opm like "peak lord shang, you saw through shen qingqiu's machinations and tried to save many innocent lives back at the last immortal alliance conference, surely you will stand on the side of protecting innocents against those who collude with demons again" and sqh like "oh yeah i definitely hate demons and don't want to sleep with any" and he is able to feed info back to cqms/sabotage hhp's "totally reasonable" plans. just. let him do what he does canonically, on screen this time haha

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUNNY?

Danny, innocent, gets YEETED into DC. As ya do. And he's a bit messed up. But! He's a Baby Ancient in the making. Gonna be master of Spaaaaaace(~~~☆!) one day. Very exciting, only slightly relevant.

See, Ectoplasm? Dumb. That's why we need Cores and Brains etc. Never let Ectoplasm decide things. It WILL chose the "technically correct but now the buildings on fire" option EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you are running out of fire extinguishers.

Because it is dumb.

Very, VERY No Brain, Just Goo, Dumb.

And THIS Goo has a life to save. A Halfa too maintain in Peak Performance(tm). Because THIS Goo is VERY smart Goo(according only to itself) and TOTALLY knows what it's doing! Damaged meat bits? Oh that's EASY! You just FIX that! Replace with meat bits! See? It's BRILLIANT Goo. 10 out of 10 stars, me!

Small problem.

The instructions have been damaged.

PANIC.

Wait! No! We got this! We are Very Smart Goo(tm). And have Space Powers. This is FINE. We'll... we'll just FIX the instructions! Hand me a hammer! If we smash enough bits together, it'll sort? Of look right? Close ENOUGH? Yeeeeeah. We're GENIUS Goo~

Use THAT!

But where did they GET their ill begotten DNA? Well OBVIOUSLY the place all the OTHER DNA they had was stored, DUH? Keep up, says the Goo with literally no braincells making horrifying choices for an unconscious man. It's Earth.

As in... the planet.

It's not even HIS planet. It's AN Earth. A Planet CALLED "Earth" that dwells in the DC universe, not his, and is covered with ZERO(0) Fentons but plenty of superhumans and aliens. THAT planet.

The goo currently in charge of the meat instructions is so damn uncertain on what the instructions should be that it gets one look at a new hero and goes "Yes! Just like that! Copy-paste."

Also, Danny's ectoplasm gaining it's own consciousness may be perfectly natural. For an Ancient.

Beings which encompass something as big and complex as the Primordial Forces of the Multiverse need ectoplasm that can act somewhat autonomously. It's kinda like an algorithm/AI [not like chatGPT, but like a video game npc]. Code it with the basic instructions and set it loose to work. That way the Ancient doesn't have to expend attention on every tiny minute detail of their domain, and can instead focus on big picture things.

How do we know he doesn’t already have all that DNA sequences already code into his own? Like his universe doesn’t have villains, the JL, JLD or aliens. How do we know if Danny somehow gained the ability to will alien civilizations into existence (unknowingly and maybe later accidentally) So him going to the DC universe just kickstarts this power when the damage to his body drove it to survival mode. Whatever Klarion did just made it more complicated. (And gave him child)

The DC universe is just one of the universes he visited in the future as a full grown Ancient but it had been before human civilization and he created the other alien plants. (Clock Work had sent him there for some reason)

now a younger Danny ends up in DC years into the DC universe’s future. Just as he wakes the ability.

JL and JLD freaking out over the baby clone with all their DNA.

Danny actually their creator.

Clock Work sitting back with a bowl of popcorn.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUNNY?

Danny, innocent, gets YEETED into DC. As ya do. And he's a bit messed up. But! He's a Baby Ancient in the making. Gonna be master of Spaaaaaace(~~~☆!) one day. Very exciting, only slightly relevant.

See, Ectoplasm? Dumb. That's why we need Cores and Brains etc. Never let Ectoplasm decide things. It WILL chose the "technically correct but now the buildings on fire" option EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you are running out of fire extinguishers.

Because it is dumb.

Very, VERY No Brain, Just Goo, Dumb.

And THIS Goo has a life to save. A Halfa too maintain in Peak Performance(tm). Because THIS Goo is VERY smart Goo(according only to itself) and TOTALLY knows what it's doing! Damaged meat bits? Oh that's EASY! You just FIX that! Replace with meat bits! See? It's BRILLIANT Goo. 10 out of 10 stars, me!

Small problem.

The instructions have been damaged.

PANIC.

Wait! No! We got this! We are Very Smart Goo(tm). And have Space Powers. This is FINE. We'll... we'll just FIX the instructions! Hand me a hammer! If we smash enough bits together, it'll sort? Of look right? Close ENOUGH? Yeeeeeah. We're GENIUS Goo~

Use THAT!

But where did they GET their ill begotten DNA? Well OBVIOUSLY the place all the OTHER DNA they had was stored, DUH? Keep up, says the Goo with literally no braincells making horrifying choices for an unconscious man. It's Earth.

As in... the planet.

It's not even HIS planet. It's AN Earth. A Planet CALLED "Earth" that dwells in the DC universe, not his, and is covered with ZERO(0) Fentons but plenty of superhumans and aliens. THAT planet.

The goo currently in charge of the meat instructions is so damn uncertain on what the instructions should be that it gets one look at a new hero and goes "Yes! Just like that! Copy-paste."

He's gonna have to get a full Ecto-wash. It's too late. By the time he's done, Klarion's Bad Influenced his Ectoplasm into full rebellion an now it wants to be its own Blob.

Just?? Danny, confined to a bed in the far frozen, FULL >:( with his New Blob Son in the crib next to him? Blobbertson refuses to pick a shape. He shall be ALL the shapes. His father is on a mush and all liquid diet for the next three week... but at least HE'S having fun!

And until the residue is fully flushed? Everything Danny so much as sneezes... a body part shifts. Bunny ears, bat wings, suddenly scales, shrunk in half, etc.

Klarion is gonna get his ASS whopped. Thinks he's SO funny. Oh ho hooooo, Danny bout to be HILARIOUS. D:< *Frostbite coughs in doctor* In about three weeks!

Father?! How could you?!?! You had another kid without telling me?!? I missed so much BONDING TIME!!!! I NEED TO CORRECT THIS!!!

She instantly kidnaps Blobby and takes them back to the DC Universe so they can bond over the amount of Chaos they create by just being there.

She also finds out that her Co-Worker and fellow Chaos Lord Klarion is the one who got Blobby made. And she just Decks him through a few dimensions for that one.

While he may have given her her very own little sibling to call her own, he still did it without the consent of her Dad. That's some Vlad type shit there.

Klarion is both insulted and terrified. Insulted because how DARE she compare him to that LOWLIFE. But also terrified because if this is what she would do to him, imagine what DANNY is gonna do to him.

At a certain point? I bet Heros and villains who are? CERTAIN he can't be their's? Start getting paranoid? Immortals out there looking pensively into their thousand year old scotch going "no, no, it's impossible of course. I would KNOW. No one can sneak such things past me... unless?"

Like? THEY know how they would do it. And that's enough to plant DOUBT. But the boy looks NOTHING like them!

Except he DOES resemble them. Enough to doubt.

Because what of the "mother's" DNA? He could take after HER? Or it could be his shifting powers? He might be a chimera of multiple bloodlines. They need ANSWERS!

Honestly? I just wanna see Dr. FATE trying to run after his highly emotional co-workers, already KNOWING this reaks of Klarion, trying to get to this poor soul before THEY do, to fix whatever chaos the other Lord did to him.

No one is listening. He might choke somebody. Probably the witch boy, himself.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUNNY?

Danny, innocent, gets YEETED into DC. As ya do. And he's a bit messed up. But! He's a Baby Ancient in the making. Gonna be master of Spaaaaaace(~~~☆!) one day. Very exciting, only slightly relevant.

See, Ectoplasm? Dumb. That's why we need Cores and Brains etc. Never let Ectoplasm decide things. It WILL chose the "technically correct but now the buildings on fire" option EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you are running out of fire extinguishers.

Because it is dumb.

Very, VERY No Brain, Just Goo, Dumb.

And THIS Goo has a life to save. A Halfa too maintain in Peak Performance(tm). Because THIS Goo is VERY smart Goo(according only to itself) and TOTALLY knows what it's doing! Damaged meat bits? Oh that's EASY! You just FIX that! Replace with meat bits! See? It's BRILLIANT Goo. 10 out of 10 stars, me!

Small problem.

The instructions have been damaged.

PANIC.

Wait! No! We got this! We are Very Smart Goo(tm). And have Space Powers. This is FINE. We'll... we'll just FIX the instructions! Hand me a hammer! If we smash enough bits together, it'll sort? Of look right? Close ENOUGH? Yeeeeeah. We're GENIUS Goo~

Use THAT!

But where did they GET their ill begotten DNA? Well OBVIOUSLY the place all the OTHER DNA they had was stored, DUH? Keep up, says the Goo with literally no braincells making horrifying choices for an unconscious man. It's Earth.

As in... the planet.

It's not even HIS planet. It's AN Earth. A Planet CALLED "Earth" that dwells in the DC universe, not his, and is covered with ZERO(0) Fentons but plenty of superhumans and aliens. THAT planet.

The goo currently in charge of the meat instructions is so damn uncertain on what the instructions should be that it gets one look at a new hero and goes "Yes! Just like that! Copy-paste."

He's gonna have to get a full Ecto-wash. It's too late. By the time he's done, Klarion's Bad Influenced his Ectoplasm into full rebellion an now it wants to be its own Blob.

Just?? Danny, confined to a bed in the far frozen, FULL >:( with his New Blob Son in the crib next to him? Blobbertson refuses to pick a shape. He shall be ALL the shapes. His father is on a mush and all liquid diet for the next three week... but at least HE'S having fun!

And until the residue is fully flushed? Everything Danny so much as sneezes... a body part shifts. Bunny ears, bat wings, suddenly scales, shrunk in half, etc.

Klarion is gonna get his ASS whopped. Thinks he's SO funny. Oh ho hooooo, Danny bout to be HILARIOUS. D:< *Frostbite coughs in doctor* In about three weeks!

Father?! How could you?!?! You had another kid without telling me?!? I missed so much BONDING TIME!!!! I NEED TO CORRECT THIS!!!

She instantly kidnaps Blobby and takes them back to the DC Universe so they can bond over the amount of Chaos they create by just being there.

She also finds out that her Co-Worker and fellow Chaos Lord Klarion is the one who got Blobby made. And she just Decks him through a few dimensions for that one.

While he may have given her her very own little sibling to call her own, he still did it without the consent of her Dad. That's some Vlad type shit there.

Klarion is both insulted and terrified. Insulted because how DARE she compare him to that LOWLIFE. But also terrified because if this is what she would do to him, imagine what DANNY is gonna do to him.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUNNY?

Danny, innocent, gets YEETED into DC. As ya do. And he's a bit messed up. But! He's a Baby Ancient in the making. Gonna be master of Spaaaaaace(~~~☆!) one day. Very exciting, only slightly relevant.

See, Ectoplasm? Dumb. That's why we need Cores and Brains etc. Never let Ectoplasm decide things. It WILL chose the "technically correct but now the buildings on fire" option EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you are running out of fire extinguishers.

Because it is dumb.

Very, VERY No Brain, Just Goo, Dumb.

And THIS Goo has a life to save. A Halfa too maintain in Peak Performance(tm). Because THIS Goo is VERY smart Goo(according only to itself) and TOTALLY knows what it's doing! Damaged meat bits? Oh that's EASY! You just FIX that! Replace with meat bits! See? It's BRILLIANT Goo. 10 out of 10 stars, me!

Small problem.

The instructions have been damaged.

PANIC.

Wait! No! We got this! We are Very Smart Goo(tm). And have Space Powers. This is FINE. We'll... we'll just FIX the instructions! Hand me a hammer! If we smash enough bits together, it'll sort? Of look right? Close ENOUGH? Yeeeeeah. We're GENIUS Goo~

Use THAT!

But where did they GET their ill begotten DNA? Well OBVIOUSLY the place all the OTHER DNA they had was stored, DUH? Keep up, says the Goo with literally no braincells making horrifying choices for an unconscious man. It's Earth.

As in... the planet.

It's not even HIS planet. It's AN Earth. A Planet CALLED "Earth" that dwells in the DC universe, not his, and is covered with ZERO(0) Fentons but plenty of superhumans and aliens. THAT planet.

Princess: an effeminate and relatively youthful male homosexual or lesbian (1931-4)

Daffodil: effeminate young man (1925)

To throw a fuck into: to have sex with (1919)

Top sergeant: a masculine lesbian (1939) [‘she takes command of the girls’ privates’]

Lily: penis (1919)

Wolf: sexually aggressive man (1847); a homosexual top (1918)

Soul kiss: a deep kiss, involving putting one’s tongue into one’s partner’s mouth (1907)

Tom: a lesbian (1909); [in 'old tom'] prostitute catering to lesbians (1966)

Church mouse: a male homosexual who frequents crowded churches in order to fondle any potential sex partners. (1941)

Discover one's gender: to accept or acknowledge one’s homosexuality (1941) / Lose one's gender: To return to living as a heterosexual

Minty: a masculine lesbian (1941)

Also a lot of early 20th century vulgarity is recorded in Letter from My Father, which is a collection of letters published by a man who's dad was, in short, a major slut and human disaster who wrote about his sex life for his son. It's insane. You can find copies of it online & it's a wild fucking read (literally!) and I think a really interesting look at the life of a person who goes against our stereotypes of what people in the past were "supposed" to be like.

note for writers: these are dated to the first time they were recorded, not necessarily to their first use. I imagine for many of these, they came about naturally through spoken language before they were written down anywhere. This is especially true of more underground slang because it's probably being recorded (in ways we still have) the least. So if you wanna use a term but it's a little off date-wise, give yourself some wiggle room.

also gonna take this moment to highlight two more i found recently:

Best boy: a sweetheart, a boyfriend, a husband. (1893) [w the obvious equivalent term 'best girl']

Honeydripper or honeydrips: a sexual partner (1917)

Damian: was he not- i mean i know he wasn't fatherly, but was he not strict when you two were younger?

Dick: *loud laughing* oh, man, not even close-!

Jason: yeah, he really wasn't- i mean, he tried to be on occasion i guess; but it wasn't really parental strictness more than it was just being harsh and bitter.

Tim: so B really didn't try at all at first, huh?

Jason: he didn't- ok, honestly? my personal theory is that he didn't know he had kids until after i died.

Dick: *laughter turns to wheezes* wHAT?

Jason: no- *wheeze* shut up, hear me out, *cackles*

Tim, audibly amused: what the fuck does that even mean--like you think he forgot he adopted you both?

Jason: no, no- i just think he didn't understand the correlation between adoption and actually being in charge.

Damian: you think that in his mind it was a one time thing? like 'oh, adopting kids? yeah i did that in the past, fun night'.

Tim: *wheeze*

Jason: y-*snort*-yeah, you get it.

Dick: SO WAIT- *deep breath* so you- so you think that for Bruce it was like he had no idea until after you died, at which point he was panicking looking around like 'FUCK A CHILD IS DEAD, SOMEBODY CALL HIS PARENT- ooooh, i get it now,'

Tim: *loud uncontrollable cackling*

Jason, also fighting through wheezes: no i- *choke* no, i mean like- i think he didn't really understand that he was supposed to be a parent in all the senses rather than just the legal. i think you were too happy with every non-parent-like decision he made, and i was too independent, so he thought we were all just chill living in each other's spaces.

Dick: *wheeze* he thought- he thought that Dad was just a title, like Mr or Mrs,

Damian: -like when you buy a two foot square of land online so you can legally be called a lord.

Dick: *cackling* tHAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS-

Jason: yeah, yeah- and then i died and Tim fuckin' showed up, and i have to imagine he was just white-knuckling it in the Batcave looking at him like 'god, i really need to lock the fuck in with this guy',

Tim and Dick: *start crying*

Damian: you think- *snort* so finding Drake was Father internally sighing and going 'ok, time to grind i guess'?

Jason: exac- *wheeze*

*connecting ping*

Bruce: boys, it's-

*a pause* *breathless laughter*

Bruce: i don't even want to know what's so funny this time. i'm just here to call Robin home; it's almost three, i want you to come back to the cave with me so you can get some sleep before your exam at school tomorrow.

Damian, disgruntled: *sigh* yeah yeah, on my way.

Dick, weeping, tone high-pitched: he's locking in-

That's

That's Roy Mustang

Just the opposite.

Roy "I grew up with 10 sisters so I know how to disguise covert information reconnaissance as flirting" Mustang.

"I grew up with 10 sisters so I know how to weaponize my sexual charm to disarm others and win favor."

Roy led every higher-up to believe he was just a fuckboy and a manwhore in this for his own ego and that they shouldn't view him as any kind of violent revolutionary like "no sir I'm just a slut."

Which. is an absolutely batshit primary character backstory to mention once, late in the series, and then immediately move on from.

And actually Hiromu Arakawa did it so well that every single fan interpretation of Roy Mustang for the FMA03 anime treated him as an honest to god man-slut. Bought his whole act hook line and sinker.

"Stress," he tells a gala attendee, "Yeah, watching my dad at one of these things, making sure he doesn't drown in the punch bowl or french kiss a reporter, it's a stressful job."

"I drank Zesti Cola and Mentos at the same time."

"I disrespected my elders and a ghost straight up bitch slapped me." he tells one of Dick's kids when he's babysitting.

"This is what happens when you wash your hair in Gotham without using treated water."

“I let Dick talk me into a ‘fun brother bonding spa day.’ Something in that hair mask that Donna cooked up was radioactive. I swear.”

“I got caught in a flashbang at close range. My hair saw the light before I did.”

“I got hit with a fear toxin variant. Apparently my hair panicked too.”

i want it to be like fucking. Forrest Gump levels of insane connections. there's an old news report about some kind of incident like an attempted attack during a winter Olympics game held in Beijing years ago, and Damian will casually walk by like 'oh yes, i remember that game. Todd made me take a photo holding the torch after he stopped the attackers.' and then everybody has to just stare while he walks off. he's spotted briefly in the background of a nature documentary when a specialist visits a tribe in the amazon rainforest, and Tim watching it genuinely thinks he's seeing things until he shows Damian and the kid casually goes 'yeah Todd trained with the leader of their tribe, so we were there for about nine weeks. i have a box of old polaroid's taken during the stay if you wish to see them?'. Tim is losing his mind. Bruce finds an old photo of toddler-Damian in the Fortress of Solitude playing with Krypto and he's about to go into cardiac arrest about Clark lying to him until Damian tells him 'yes, Jason worked alongside Kara as the Red Hood on multiple occasions, and she always had us meet her in the Fortress of Solitude when Superman was out.'