I know I'm gonna sound horrible but I'm past the point of caring tbh I genuinely just want someone to commit suicide with. Like since last year I've said to myself that if I'm not dead by the 13th of April 2031 then I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. I just want to die and like when my dad says things like "when your my age" or "you'll understand when you have kids" I just cringe and laugh along cause I feel it in my heart I won't live to see that. I dropped out so I haven't even gone to college so idk if I'll be able to get into university. And I feel so bad cause I want to commit suicide but I don't want to go alone, yet, at the same time I don't want to drag someone along with me as that's cruel. I can't even swallow pills, there's no trains near me, there's nothing to hang from in my house and honestly I'm TERRIFIED of heights. Yet I know if I got my hands on some drugs and a high-rise I wouldn't live long. I probably explained this horribly but oh well.
