#bipolar vent

Me rn

My psychosis was really bad. It’s better now but it’s stressful and I don’t know what’s real anymore. I feel so overwhelmed recently. As I write this I feel bugs crawling on me. I know it isn’t real but I have to slap my skin because it feels real and won’t go away unless I “kill” the bugs. I’m so paranoid . I feel like something is watching me. An entity. I don’t know what kind, but it isn’t nice. I feel like I’m rotting . Like actually rotting . What else could be the answer? The bugs? The spirits? The coincidences? There’s no other explanation. I’m fucking rotting and in hell. I have no way out and I’m stuck in the underworld again. Maybe I never left.

An important friendship of mine ended because I'm an awful person and I hurt them. Idk if I can ever fix it. This is just another in a long line of friendships I have caused to end because of my actions. I can't keep freinds, I always end up hurting them beyond repair. I hate myself. I hate that Im like this.