Jul 2
its never enough for me man
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its never enough for me man
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Sometimes you just gotta feel like a kid again and put on a funny cartoon but at least this one is more of a “adult” cartoon. I got zero sleep. And somehow I’m still wired. I don’t like my brain today. But I’m gonna distract myself with comfort shows until I finally just crash. All I can do. Can’t stress every time I get a hit manic. But was weird for the pass week or so I’ve been sleeping a ton. And randomly the last few days it just switches to not needing any sleep at all! I hate bipolar. So having a mental health day. I’m glad I have no appointments today. Mentally I have no energy but at the same time at night I’m wired. How does this work? Lol 😂
I think I’m being stalked
come on, who’s proud??
Tw Vent
(Past suicide attempt mentioned)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i feel not enough people talk about how scary it is to be bipolar but also unmedicated
it’s scary to think about the fact i could slip into a episode at any point and it can cause me to lose my life
(yes i understand this can also happen while medicated)
genuine worthless scum of the earth
I have a counseling appointment tomorrow. Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with what I need to share or talk about. But this week I have a list. Sleepless nights. Racing thoughts. Paint attacks in the middle of the night. The night is not my friend. I think it’s because during the day I keep myself busy and distracted. But at night time I run out of distractions. My mask falls off and I quit pretending I’m okay. My mind catches up to me and I feel like I’m carrying anchors tied to my feet in the ocean.
I love my boyfriend very much but lately we’ve been fighting and I need her advice on how to lay down healthy boundaries with him. Sometimes he doesn’t understand that I need alone time to process things. I need more alone time then the average person because of my cPTSD it was all about me surviving things on my own and healing on my own while on the inside I was internally screaming. Fighting depression since my teens. Then I discovered alcohol in my twenties. I’ve been having cravings lately. I want to numb the noise in my head. I don’t hear voices but it’s my self destructive thoughts and anxiety that speaks the loudest and it’s far from my proudest. My brain starts circling wanting anything to quietly my racing thoughts that feels never ending and endless at night when I’m trying to sleep my thoughts get dark. I start thinking about things I shouldn’t. I normally need a Ativan by midnight. I’m trying to find a better counselor. The one I have I don’t feel a connection with to really bring up my trauma. I have high walls and only certain people I feel safe sharing it with.
All I keep reminding myself is to just keep swimming. Trying to stay positive in a head that wants you to self sabotage your own happiness is hard. It’s me against me.
Just in case you need the reminder because I sure do today. I’ve been feeling a bit low mood wise and sad. You’re not alone. Keep fighting. The war in your head is never an easy one. Keep making good choices. Stress sure is a trigger for wanting to drink. Yesterday we had a bbq and all I wanted was alcohol. Cravings are rough when it hits especially when it’s for an emotional reason.