Jul 17
I HATE how disgustingly self destructive I get. I get angry or overly upset and suddenly I come back into reality with bruises and marks. Or even short or chopped hair from how I just start cutting at it.
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I HATE how disgustingly self destructive I get. I get angry or overly upset and suddenly I come back into reality with bruises and marks. Or even short or chopped hair from how I just start cutting at it.
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call this (death of the self)
let us die on the altar of crushed dreams and silenced hopes we did not dare voice aloud, afraid we would never achieve them.Â
let us burn to death from the love we could not bear to accept, afraid that it would one day leave us, so we abandoned it first.Â
let us be choked to death by all the words we never said, holding them against our hearts, so no one else would be cut by them.
let us kill our passions one by one, the ones you promised we could do once we grew up… we’re older now, and there’s no room for childish things.
let us become like ghosts, passing through life dispassionately, afraid to make any choice for fear of making the wrong one.
let us mistake endurance for virtue, collapse inward so no one sees the fall, call this desperation destiny, this depression insanity.
How pathetic am I. A traumatic disorder? Bitch you were a little weird in school, and then your daddy died. Some people have been neglected, abused, r*ped, gr**med, abandoned, and unfathomably worse.
Everyone else you know with a dissociative disorder had actual trauma. You're just a fucking baby. You don't deserve even half of the emotional labor you beg for.
No wonder everyone has left you.
Im gonna kill myself tonight. I’ll miss everyone
you need to remind yourself that my empathy should not rob people of experiencing the consequences of their actions
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F: JEEZ..I went overboard
F: Welp this should work. I’m heading yo soulvesters room.
The paranoia eats and EATS AT ME. Till I just start hearing him. He tells me things, tells me it’s true. I believe him, why wouldn’t I? But he only goes away if he sees blood.
curiosity is gonna kill me someday