I think the worst fucking part about whatever the fuck that is festering inside of me is- is that I canât seem to just be fucking honest about it with anyone.
Like itâs not even a conscious choice. Itâs just the MOMENT someone actually reaches out, my brain seems to numb itself to all the shit going on inside, forgets all the moments Iâve spent breaking down, and convinced everyone that Iâm okay ENOUGH.
like âyeah I might not be great, but Iâm okay enough and Iâll get through đâ BITCH NO THE FUCK WE WONT. ITS ONLY BEEN GETTING WORSE OVER THE YEARS IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN BEFORE. WEâRE COLLAPSED ON THE SHOWER FLOOR FEELING LESS AND LESS LIKE AN ACTUAL PERSON AND NOT A CAGED ANIMAL READY TO CHEW OFF THEIR OWN PAW TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I just want to be honest with how bad Iâm doing so someone can SEE how bad Iâm doing and HELP ME. But I canât even be honest with myself apparently đđ
