Jun 11
The existence of others in the mind's eye (2 o'clock in the afternoon).
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The existence of others in the mind's eye (2 o'clock in the afternoon).
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Me: *stuck on TikTok*
Some part of my brain: “You know, the average life expectancy is about 75 years old. After that, no one is gonna be shocked if you just drop dead one day. When you become a fully formed person at 25, you have—on average—a good 50 years left. That’s 50 birthdays. 50 summers. 50 winters. 50 holidays. By now, half of those are gonna be when you have visible wrinkles and graying, if not completely gray, hair. And that’s assuming you’re lucky enough to have decent health your whole life. You’re 27 now. We’re already halfway through this year, which means you’re near 28. Is this *really* what you want to be doing with your time?”
Me: “OKAY! ENOUGH SCROLLING FOR THE DAY!”
I had too much hope in our humanity. I missed the most important point, the most “powerful” people in the world are just primates in a suit. Just hoarding to survive ugh we’re still so primitive. Forgive them for they do not know what they do.
been feeling existential lately
why is anything happening rn
i know i stop being "i" after "i" die(s?) but. does it keep happening. like a form of existence... how will i ship soulless tech apps when i don't even exist
no seriously literally why is anything happening rn. like why is there anythING. WHY. !!! how did it START LIKMA kjonefsijpK-0
tbh kinda reassuring bc surely if our entire fucking universe can come from NOTHING or whatever created it even if we return to an observereless "emptiness" after death (quotations bc a non-human """"consciousness"""" wouldn't process emotions like a human therefore not feel "empty" anyway) as our brain-based consciousness stops, entropy (given cosmic laws follow our universe's physics) surely would place us back into some form of Being... obviously i wouldn't be "charlie" or even human but something. maybe we'd all be together guys... ugh not the communists bein right...
ok let me get crockpot i gen don't think our universe is the first idk turtles all the way down or something. i think it;'s like 4th 5th 6th dimensional how any of all this came to being. like we cannot comprehend it viscerally bc of our reality existing in 3 dimensions
out of every consciousness i could be what are the chances i got to be british in the 2000s. like. what a fucking score.
and i think i am really cool so at least i get to be charlie for a while. it'll suck if i get reincarnated and i become paul the plumber or something. maybe my past lives were all like me. gengis khan. hamilton. van gogh.... maybe they all me. haha i jest i do not believe in reincarnation. but yeah let me say being charlie in this inexplicable cosmos. wow. i could cry but i don't. ok i shed a tear
this is why i study physics and pursue it. my brain yearns for these answers. i think they will be like mundane facts of life to our descendents just how like how inane it is to us how the seasons happened even tho our ancestors didn't have a scooby doo. I HOPE WE CAN CRACK IT IN MY LIFETIME THO. TOGETHER. OR JUST ME IF YOU GUYS CAN'T HACK IT (withhh or withouttt uuuu /lyr)
this is also why i study art & tech alongside physics. i think the answer to these require a polymath approach not some physics/chem/math allrounder
i had this dream i saw my dead granny again and i think it really reminded me of my mortality and turned my physics brain on again
edit: also i showed this post to some asshole who took it super seriously and like thoughtfully debunked a lot of "claims" i was making when this was mostly just a train of thought with some real questions in a little self-aggrandising. pls just see the nuggets of curiosity and slight touching moments i nestled in there. i know i am not super educated in physics atm still workin on da degree. tech as well. boy knows how to make a website 😭im crine
Nonfiction over on my Substack. Come read me!
The radio doesn’t help.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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does anybody else feel the crushing weight of never living up to your own expectations of what you think you “should” be and do while at the same time being unable to get yourself to do anything productive?
the soul-withering duality of wanting to make a difference in the world and change people’s lives for good vs. wanting to throw yourself fully into your passions and live life based on what your heart wants
A million times each day,
I move between
what agony it is
to carry this weight,
and
what a privilege it is
to simply be alive today.