Jul 30
dissociation feels like this
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dissociation feels like this
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Sometimes, even blaming Molag Bal or Namira doesn't take the edge off. I may fight under the guise of Daedric influence but that doesn't make what I go through less real.
I learned as a child that perseverance through endurance is the way. He who stands longest wins. Endure, endure, endure... Become strong through survival. Survive to become strong. Adapt. Overcome.
I'm tired boss. I persist but so do the horrors. A combat of wills with Daedra is an unending game.
I know, I know, spiraling thoughts are only escaped through positive action. I find little positivity in my actions. Can't even play a video game because I can't find any fun in them.
Anhedonia sucks. Art is the only thing I sometimes loose myself to anymore- and even then, not always. I miss that feeling of interest. I miss feeling good.
I miss being me.
So, what does one do when Daedra steals all your fun?
Persist. Endure. Adapt. Overcome.
Talos guide me.
not to be dramatic but i miss fitting into clothes i forgot i owned. ✨
Anhedonia is when things you once enjoyed stop feeling good. Therapists explain the signs, what causes it, and when it's worth getting help.
🤔 synthesizing self esteem:
surround myself with "yes men" ?
take care of my body. (obvi 🙄 Jesus girl idky that's so hard for you)
wear cute clothes. Maybe actually get comfortable being photographed 🤔
social kamikaze? to hell with the consequences, radical self expression.
and get the hell out of boymode. It's fucking killing you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
anhedonia
thats all i really feel right now and idk what to do about it
idk if its js cuz my🩸might come soon or what
Anhedonia is crazy because I’ll literally gaslight the shit out of myself like “maybe I’ve never enjoyed the taste of anything I’ve ever eaten” or “I don’t think I ever actually liked playing guitar” or “I probably haven’t had a real crush” or “I don’t think I’ve ever had friends I liked” or “I just don’t think I like having fun,” as if it’s easier to erase everything I’ve experienced than cope with the fact everything is super boring and disappointing to me now and food tastes like nothing and making music doesn’t hit anymore.
And I’m actively fighting this. I make lists of things I’ve enjoyed. But nothing persists. And because every scrap of joy is fleeting, it feels like it never happened.