#existential dread

This is punishment. This is not punishment. This is about something bigger and more important than punishment. This is what you deserve. This isn’t fair.

If I suffer enough it will erase what I’ve done. I changed my mind, this isn’t worth it. I can’t change my mind. I never get a choice. I have nothing but choices. Is it worth it?

You can’t be redeemed and live. You can’t be redeemed at all. There is no such thing as redemption. You try to redeem yourself and you end up hurting others by accident. You hurt others by existing. The past can’t be changed. You’re already dead.

I want forgiveness. I can’t earn forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness. I didn’t do anything wrong. I did everything wrong. I didn’t do enough bad or enough good. Half measures only. The people I’m begging for help don’t have the power to forgive me.

Your redemption saves everyone. Your redemption condemns everyone. Your redemption can’t save you. Your redemption is meaningless. Your redemption returns you to yourself.

I am the blood ocean and the ocean is me. God says maybe I deserve this. I am being eaten alive. The cocoon keeping me safe is eating me alive.

PARKER IS.. SLOWLY COMING TO THE FOREFRONT OF MY BRAIN WITH MATEO;;

Like... normally, yautja naturally live very long lives, up to hundreds and hundreds of years old. Humans die when they're like... 75. And that's if you're lucky. Imagine your yautja mate can't cope with the fact they know they will outlive you and will have to spend the vast majority of their life without you by their side, so they go like... absolutely apeshit (haha get it?) on another yautja (perhaps a traitor of their clan or enemy), and they manage to claim the yautjas heart and convince you to eat it.

OR, human mate is absolutely TERRIFIED of the thought of dying and hates how short their species lifespan is, so their yautja mate claims the heart of one of their own to ease their mates poor, weak human brain.